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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114640">No Sweet Innocence</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/punknerdmusings/pseuds/punknerdmusings'>punknerdmusings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Labor of My Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Avatar: The Last Airbender</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Abuse is a cycle yo, Also: Energybending is fucked up, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, At the hands of his guards, Azulon's A+ parenting, But he has a lot of learning to do, Hakoda helps in that regard, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Brother, It's a slowburn if it takes them almost 30k to kiss right, M/M, Morally Ambiguous Zuko, Mutual Pining, Nothing graphic or on-screen so that's why the warning is what it is, Ozai learns from his mistakes and gets a redemption arc, Ozai suffers because Aang was selfish, Ozai works in Iroh's tea shop, Post-Canon, There's allusions to some pretty fucked up shit that happens to Ozai, slowburn</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-03-03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 11:40:25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>45,004</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29114640</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/punknerdmusings/pseuds/punknerdmusings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Ozai starts to re-evaluate his life, his actions, and what it really means for him to be the one behind bars. Not comics compliant, but might include things that happen in there.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hakoda/Ozai (Avatar), Iroh &amp; Ozai (Avatar), Ozai &amp; Zuko (Avatar)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Labor of My Love [1]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/2210127</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>76</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Chapter 1</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ozai sat in his cell, leaning against the wall. His back was turned to the door, his eyes fixed on one brick that had inexplicably caught his attention. It was cracked in a way that reminded him of lightning, the crackling, acrid cold fire. He could still see the Avatar’s fingers pointing at him, the energy wrapped around his arms as he used that infernal move that Zuko had taught him, the traitor. An emotion he hadn't felt in years wrapped around his heart then, not that he’d admit it to anyone. And then the child had foolishly decided to spare him, collapsing to the pillar and exposing himself to Ozai’s nonexistent mercy.</p><p>The power flooding him had been incredible. The strength of his flames were unparalleled, even his own daughter wouldn’t have been able to match him in his bending. He hadn’t just been warm, he had been alight, his entire body feeling like it was burning in the most delicious of ways. Going from that, to this? The chill that seeped into his bones, his chi, his very soul? It had utterly destroyed him. He still felt broken when the guards passed by him, a torch in hand, and he watched as the flames merrily flickered of its own accord, refusing to obey his breaths. It had been less than a week of that torture before he refused to look, his back always firmly to the bars.</p><p>Which is how he was when the door to the other half of the room cracked open, before shutting with a clang. Ozai listened as his son sat down, the royal robes rustling as Zuko adjusted them. He didn’t turn around until he heard the pour of tea and the scrape of a cup against the floor. Only then did he grace his son with his face, reaching out and taking the cup, sipping in the silence.</p><p>Zuko watched his father, his face carefully neutral. Ozai was thin, his eyes sunken. His once-imposing frame was collapsed in on itself, and the ratty shirt and pants hung loosely off him, showing just how much muscle and fat his father had lost in the months since his imprisonment.</p><p>The new Fire Lord couldn’t bring himself to care about the fresh burn he could see on Ozai’s collarbone, or any of them, new and old, mottling Ozai’s visible skin. Frankly, a part of him wondered why he still came down to see his father, although he supposed it kept Ozai from going insane. Probably. The man barely talked during Zuko’s visits.</p><p>“The reparations to the Earth Kingdom and Water Tribes are coming along nicely. Chief Hakoda even reports that more infants are showing signs of waterbending.” Zuko took a sip, waiting for his father’s response. When none came, he continued with something that might garner more interest.</p><p>“I know Mother came to visit you.”</p><p>Ozai was suddenly reminded of his ex-wife, how cold her voice was when she told him how incapable of love he was. How much he had wanted to turn and beg for forgiveness, but something stopped him, the small voice inside that told him he was worth less than nothing. How that night, sleep refused to come even after the guards left him mostly alone.</p><p>Zuko’s scornful voice snapped him out of his thoughts. “I don’t even know why I visit any more.”</p><p>“How’s Iroh’s tea shop?” The words felt foreign in his throat, on his lips. They came out in more of a rasp than anything else, his voice reduced to the same shell his body was after so much time between uses. He sipped the tea once more, watching Zuko’s face cycle from anger to confusion to suspicion back to the carefully-crafted mask he wore around Ozai. Which was fair, neither of them were used to Ozai caring about anyone but himself, at least not any more.</p><p>When was the last time he had seen Zuko happy? The thought rose unbidden to his mind, and he pushed it down. He had tried. He had tried more than his own bastard of a father ever did.</p><p>“Uncle’s shop is fine. Not like you actually care.”</p><p>I do, he wanted to whisper. For some spirits-damned reason, I do.</p><p>“Are you done with your tea?”</p><p>Ozai wasn’t, but he handed it over regardless. Zuko swirled the remainder, tipping his head as he contemplated what to do with it. He settled with tossing the liquid at Ozai’s feet before collecting the tea set and standing.</p><p>Ozai was turned around again before the door shut with an echoing bang. The tea slowly drained into the corner, providing him with a temporary form of entertainment as he watched it soak the floor of his cell. It helped pass the time until the guards came around for their final check, a key turning in the lock to his cell. Smoldering hands pulled him up to stand, shoving and jeering. One roughly grabbed his chin, forcefully turning his head from side to side. Ozai ignored the cruel smile on their face, just going along with it.</p><p>“You’ve really let yourself go, Fire Lord. Look at this tangled mess.” The other hand tugged at his matted, dirty hair. Ozai wanted to spit back that he hadn’t had so much as a bath since he had arrived, but he knew it wouldn’t end well. Of course, with his luck, nothing about tonight would, so he fixed his gaze up at the place where one particular bar met the ceiling. The stone jutted out more, creating a larger lip than the rest.</p><p>“But hey, it’s your lucky day!” Steel flashed in the edge of his vision, and Ozai’s eyes swept over to see that the hand that had released his hair was now wiggling a knife, a too-giddy smile on the guard’s face. “Your son asked it to be taken care of.”</p><p>The hand on his chin shifted downwards, gripping the end of his equally-matted beard in a way that made Ozai’s heart skip a beat as he saw glowing blue eyes and a tattoo of an arrow for a minute, before being yanked back to reality by the grinding snip of his goatee being cut. He staggered back at the sudden release of pressure, before the guard grabbed his hair and yanked down. Ozai grunted and tried to fight his way free, elbowing the guard in the ribs and ducking the arm that still held the knife as it swept out once his hair was free. He backed up, hands up in self defense.</p><p>“Leave me the fuck alone.”</p><p>“Or what? You’ll burn half my face off?” The guard laughed. “Oh wait, you can’t.” The knife was spun into his left hand, fire lighting in the right. “But maybe I should repay the favor you gave Zuko.”</p><p>Fear curled in his stomach, all-too-familiar now. The day of the comet may have been the first, but it wasn’t the last. Far from it.</p><p>Ozai ducked the stream of fire the guard sent his way, lashing out with a low kick that toppled his opponent. The guard growled, and the hand that was still on fire whipped out and latched onto Ozai’s ankle, sending Ozai flat on his back with one good pull. Ozai gasped as his head hit the hard floor, stars spinning in his vision as the guard crawled over him, knife still at the ready.</p><p>“I should kill you for that. I come in here to do a favor, and this is how you repay me?” His hands were grabbed at the wrist as he raised them to defend himself, the knife uncomfortably close to his forearm as the guard dug around for rope. Ozai was forcibly rolled over and his hands forced behind his back, the rope digging into his skin as it was tied. If burns appeared, most wouldn’t notice them, scar tissue having been formed in those areas long, long ago. He was dragged up by his hair, eliciting a gasp of pain before he could feel the knife being taken to him, shearing his hair shorter than it had been since he was a toddler. Twisting his wrists, he tried to fight free, but the guard just stopped to bounce his face off the floor before continuing, still kneeling over a prone Ozai. Stars appeared in his vision again, his cheek slowly becoming slick with blood. At some point, his head dropped back down, hair that was far, far shorter brushing against his neck. He was dragged up again, the guard tossing him against the wall to admire his handiwork.</p><p>“You look much better, your Highness.” The guard sneered as the knife disappeared into its sheath. “Now, since you were such a bastard, I think I’ll have to teach you a lesson.”</p><p>Ozai was well-versed in shutting down at night. Tonight was no exception. He was just relieved his hands were cut free before the guard left, and Ozai could lay down, a foul taste in his mouth and vomit filling his cell with its stench.</p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>******</strong>
  </p>
</div>“You cut your hair.”<p>The new voice made Ozai jump, before he warily turned around. A man in blue he had never seen before stood outside his cell, his arms crossed. Some of his hair was pulled back into a tail, the rest kept loose. His blue eyes stared into Ozai, his face hard.</p><p>“Did the Fire Nation change its policy on whether prisoners were allowed knives? Cause I sure as hell didn’t have one when I was captured.”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up.”</p><p>“Or what? It’s not like you can do anything in that cell of yours.”</p><p>“Get out of my face.”</p><p>The man pretended to think for a moment before shaking his head. “Nah.” He sat with finality, and Ozai suppressed a groan. He could already feel a migraine coming on, he didn’t need this today.</p><p>“Still can’t believe you were taken down by a child.”</p><p>“I was taken down by the Avatar.” Ozai snapped. He had heard the child speak, before and after, and the voice that promised death had not been his own. It had been entirely too ancient. It had terrified him down to his core, and he still woke up choking on elements that weren’t there.</p><p>“Yeah, who’s a child.” The man sat back, a smug smile on his face. “So how does it feel, huh? To have your ass whooped by someone who’s, what, half your height?”</p><p>“It felt like my soul getting ripped in half,” He spat, his face twisting into a snarl. His head started to throb, and Ozai just wanted the man gone. “Have you ever had a piece of you torn away from you, a piece so integral to you that when it was taken, you were a shell of a man? Have you ever woken up in agony because you were broken, and nothing can ever fix you? Have you ever lived and wished you had died instead?” A strand of his hair fell in front of his face, gently fluttering in the pants of his breath.</p><p>The other man’s smile had disappeared, his entire face a mask not unlike Zuko’s. “Yeah, actually. I have. It was when your nation took away my wife.”</p><p>Ozai looked away, staring at the wall. The throbbing was turning into a stabbing ache, his left eye feeling like it was trying to burst out of his skull in time with his heartbeat. “War takes everything from everyone.”</p><p>The man barked a bitter laugh, the sound bouncing around Ozai’s head. “You think you’ve suffered because, what, your plans for world domination were stopped?”</p><p>Ozai bit back a retort about how his nephew had died, and how his brother had returned home a shell of a man. How when the Avatar touched his soul and tore away his bending, he lost more than just fire. How his father had loved Iroh more than him his whole life. If he still had his bending, the man would be ash by now. “Why are you even here? I don’t remember kicking your ass.”</p><p>“I came to see the wannabe dictator at his lowest. And I see you for who you are, now. A small, sad man.”</p><p>Ozai heard Ursa’s voice bounce around his head instead, and he roared, throwing himself at the bars. He stuck an arm through, swiping at the other man, who just easily ducked and grabbed his wrist. It was then used as leverage to twist and ram Ozai’s arm against the bars, fury in his eyes.</p><p>“You should count yourself lucky I’m not here to kill you. I still have a tribe to run, and I don’t fancy getting thrown in jail.”</p><p>“Who the fuck even are you?” Ozai turned the pain radiating from his definitely-broken arm into a sneer, not letting his man break him.</p><p>“I’m your new conversationalist. Zuko asked me to keep you in check.”</p><p>“You’re doing a fantastic job of telling me exactly nothing.”</p><p>A smirk formed on the man’s face. “I know.” He let go of Ozai’s arm. It was quickly pulled in and held close to his chest, aching.</p><p>“You’re not going to tell me.”</p><p>“You haven’t earned that privilege. And the way things are going, you won’t for a long, long time.” He turned and walked out, leaving Ozai to nurse an aching head and arm.</p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>******</strong>
  </p>
</div>“Did your talk with my father go well?”<p>“It went fantastically.”</p><p>Zuko nodded, sipping some tea. It wasn’t as good as Uncle’s, but it was Iroh’s favorite blend, so it was close enough to having him home.</p><p>“Thank you, again, for volunteering while you’re here. I really don’t know why I still visit him.”</p><p>Hakoda clapped the young Fire Lord on the shoulder, trying to hide a grin. “It’ll be my pleasure.”</p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>******</strong>
  </p>
</div>The mysterious tribesman was here again. Ozai was trying to ignore his incessant chatter, his arm carefully laid over his chest with the other flung more haphazardly over his eyes. By some miracle, the guards had actually allowed a healer to come and reset his arm, bracing it and giving him a sling to keep it from waving around and hitting something. He had even caught a look of regret on the tribesman’s face, however brief, when he had seen Ozai injured.<p>But a migraine, for Ozai, lasted days. And it had only been yesterday that the man who wouldn’t shut up had visited him, and each new word that came out thudded into Ozai’s skull without so much as a semblance of understanding. The time dragged on, feeling like hours that he couldn’t count any more, until something finally cut through the static of pain.</p><p>“Are you ever going to say something to me? You were plenty chatty the last time I was here.”</p><p>“Already told you to fuck off.”</p><p>“I’m touched.”</p><p>Ozai lifted his arm just enough to sneer with his eyes shut, laying his head back down on the pitiful pillow he had been given afterwards.</p><p>“Seriously, what snow rat got into your breakfast this morning?”</p><p>“I didn’t have breakfast this morning. And for the record, the Avatar did this to me.” Ozai shifted, trying to block out more light.</p><p>“Yeah, yeah, I know he got you thrown into jail and took your bending. And that’s bound to make anyone moody. But you have someone to talk to, and you don’t jump at that chance?”</p><p>“Can you bend?”</p><p>“Why does it matter? You can’t. Not any more.”</p><p>Ozai growled, sitting up and squinting at the other man, his good hand gripping the edge of the cot. Why he was about to do this, he hadn’t the faintest idea. Maybe to drive it into the other’s head that the mercy of life wasn’t so merciful after all. “Can. You. Bend?”</p><p>A beat of silence between them, tense as the other stared back at him, and finally, his question was answered.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Are you close with anyone who can?”</p><p>“Of a sort.”</p><p>“Have you ever realized that for a bender, it’s not just an extra tool? Another weapon? It is an extension of who we are. Our very soul.” Ozai could see something flicker across the other man’s face, but he couldn’t identify it.</p><p>“Not particularly, no.”</p><p>“My son breathes fire when he gets upset. My brother keeps his tea warm without thinking. Even that accursed airbender, he bends as he breathes, wind swirling around him with every step he takes.”</p><p>“How would you get that about the Avatar from a fight?”</p><p>“I didn’t just see him in a fight.”</p><p>The man blinked, and Ozai took it as an indication to continue.</p><p>“When that brat took my bending, it wasn’t just like he was taking away a sword or a piece of clothing. He was taking away part of who I was, and all that’s left is coldness that the warmest fire can’t chase away, and pain that makes my broken arm look like a stubbed toe.” Ozai closed his eyes, rubbing his temple in a futile attempt to banish the ache. “You think I wanted to become the shell of my glory I am now? I didn’t. The Avatar did this to me.”</p><p>He didn’t open his eyes as the man left, the door ringing in his skull as he laid back down.</p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>******</strong>
  </p>
</div>Hakoda was slow to make his way back up to the Fire Lord, trying to process what he just heard. He had thought Ozai was just being dramatic the previous day, when he had said simply getting defeated was like having his soul ripped in half, but this new information cast it in a whole new light. And if the pain was physical, like Ozai seemed to have let on earlier, then Aang’s “mercy” route didn’t seem so merciful now. Which led him to think, who did Aang really spare Ozai’s life for?<p>He paused outside the office door when he heard voices, too quiet to make out. Gently, he knocked, and Zuko’s tired voice called out for him to come in. Hakoda quietly opened the door, slipping in, and stopped when he saw Aang. The kid jumped up with a wide smile on his face, and Hakoda saw that Ozai was right. The Avatar bent air without even thinking.</p><p>“Hakoda! It’s great to see you, how have you been?”</p><p>“I’ve been great, thanks for asking.” He looked away from the kid who had spared a man’s life to leave him in pain for the rest of it and cleared his throat. “Um.”</p><p>“You got something you need to tell me, Chief Hakoda?” Zuko leaned back for the desk, stretching out his back. “I hope you aren’t having too much trouble.”</p><p>“No, no. But I was just thinking, I’ve noticed how instinctual bending seems to be to Katara, and you, and Aang, and I was wondering what it could have done to Ozai.”</p><p>Aang laughed, for all the world sounding like he didn’t have a care in the world. “What do you mean?”</p><p>“I don’t know, just, maybe it fu- screwed him up or something.” Hakoda may have no personal qualms about swearing around Aang, but facing the wrath of his daughter was another question altogether.</p><p>Zuko snorted. “Does it matter? I say he earned everything he got.”</p><p>Aang shook his head. “I can’t imagine how it would screw him up more. He was already pretty messed up- Sorry, Zuko.”</p><p>“No, you’re right. Burned half my face off. So like I said, he’s earned whatever he’s going through.”</p><p>“Mm. You’re probably right. Well, I guess I’ll be off then. I have, um, sparring to do with Sokka later.”</p><p>Hakoda quickly exited the room, wondering if maybe this strange compassion for the former Fire Lord- and this new fear of the Avatar -was going to get him in trouble.</p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong>******</strong>
  </p>
</div>The next couple of visits were quieter, less thorny. The man was just trying to keep him company as he prattled on about his tribe, his family, anything to fill the silence that Ozai left. And for his part, he at least tried to look like he was listening, after the man had apologized for something that Ozai didn’t quite catch and was too drained to figure out. And although the hours dragged on, he found them still more tolerable while looking at the figure sitting in front of him, slowly realizing a few key things.<p>One, his eyes were mesmerizing, in a way Fire Nation gold never was. They reminded him of trips to Ember Island, when his family had been happy. The sea and the sky both were wrapped up in those eyes, and he found himself disliking when pain entered them, much preferring when Hakoda moved on to lighter topics.</p><p>Two, he pulled off the short hair far better than Ozai himself. It framed his face perfectly, the edges catching what little light made it into the room and glowing, even the way the tail swished would draw Ozai’s attention and hold it, his eyes dancing with the movement.</p><p>And three, by the time Ozai’s migraine went away, the dynamic had shifted. He couldn’t pinpoint when or what it was, but it had shifted, and he was determined to find out.</p><p>“You look better. Less like you want to die.” The man settled in front of him, holding out a loaf of bread. Ozai grabbed it, and the other tore it in half, eating his as Ozai got a little more comfortable. Last night had been rough. He had a new burn on his hip.</p><p>“Migraine finally went away.” He bit into the bread, surprised at how fresh it was. “Shit, did you raid the kitchen for this?”</p><p>“Yeah. Thought you deserved something a little better than prison food for once.”</p><p>Ozai laughed. “First time I’ve heard that. What, are you going soft on me?”</p><p>“I’ve just been doing a lot of thinking.” </p><p>They fell into a companionable silence, only filled with the sounds of both of them chewing.</p><p>“I think it’s your turn for stories, now.”</p><p>Ozai looked up, narrowing his eyes. But there wasn’t malice or anger, just simple curiosity, and another emotion, one that stirred memories deep in his brain.</p><p>“What do you mean?”</p><p>“Well, I’ve been running my mouth for two days now. I want to hear something of yours.”</p><p>Ozai raised an eyebrow. “Like what?”</p><p>The man shrugged.</p><p>Ozai sat back, thinking. “I don’t know if I have anything that quite matches up with any of yours.”</p><p>“I’m not here for that.” He leaned forward. “I’ll choose, then: Tell me about how you said Azula was born lucky, and Zuko was lucky to be born.”</p><p>Ozai snorted. “What is there to tell?”</p><p>“The why.”</p><p>“The... why?”</p><p>“I have Zuko’s side. How he was never enough, despite training all day. How you just demanded more and more from him.”</p><p>Ozai looked away, tapping his fingers on the floor.</p><p>“Well?”</p><p>“He was weak. I didn’t even think he was a firebender at all, and it would have brought great shame to the royal family if he was a nonbender.”</p><p>“Didn’t realize your opinion of us was so low.” The man’s voice was dripping with sarcasm.</p><p>“As he grew older, he was soft. He saved a turtle crab only to feel sorry for the eagle hawk that was about to make it his lunch.”</p><p>“Compassion is bad. Got it.”</p><p>“You asked.” Ozai snapped at the man, shifting. “And I still saved him that day. When he was nearly swept out to sea.”</p><p>He could see the other’s eyebrow go up at that out of the corner of his eye. “Really?”</p><p>“I wanted to be a good father to them. Wanted to be better than my own. But Ursa betrayed me.”</p><p>“Way she tells it, you never loved her in the first place.”</p><p>“She lies.” At the other’s snort, Ozai turns to look him in the eye. “Tell me. Who do you think killed my father?”</p><p>“You, of course.”</p><p>“You flatter me. No, it was my wife, not me, who made and slipped the poison into his tea.”</p><p>He watched in satisfaction as the man’s eyebrow furrowed. “Why?”</p><p>“Iroh had just lost his son. He was unstable. I... I feared for him.” Ozai’s voice dropped to a whisper. “I didn’t think he could handle the responsibilities of the heir. I was worried it would crush what little was left of him. But when I went to my father, asking to be made heir in his place, he flew into a rage and ordered Zuko’s death.”</p><p>No matter what the court had whispered around them after, Ozai had truly loved his son. But to defy an order from the Fire Lord would have meant his own death, and most likely Zuko’s as well. He had been backed into a corner with no way out.</p><p>“Ursa saved my son. She even convinced Azulon to make me heir.”</p><p>“How many levels of fucked up do you have to be to burn his face off after that?”</p><p>“Grief does funny things to a person.”</p><p>“I didn’t want to take over the world when my wife died. Try again.”</p><p>Ozai laughed bitterly. “I loved her, trust me, I did. But she didn’t love me back. No, she still loved that man from her hometown. She still loves that man.”</p><p>“You can’t choose who you love.”</p><p>“No. No, you can’t.” Ozai turned to the man, resting his chin on his fist. “I gave her the world. And I still played second fiddle to a nobody.”</p><p>“You really think that because she, what, expressed her feelings for another, you had the right to go off the rails?”</p><p>“She had an affair.”</p><p>“She never wanted to be married to you in the first place! You forced her to!”</p><p>“My father forced both of us to.”</p><p>“Like hell he did.”</p><p>“He wanted to add Avatar Roku’s line to the royal family.”</p><p>“If you were a halfway decent person, you’d have refused.” The man stood, pacing the room as Ozai lazily watched. “Do you even care about the atrocities you and your family have done?”</p><p>When Ozai gave him a noncommittal shrug, the tribesman stalked over to him, reached through the bars, and slapped him. His head snapped to one side, and he growled, rubbing his cheek.</p><p>“You should think about why you’re in this cell, and not your son or the Avatar. Think long and hard, Ozai, and maybe when I come here next, you won’t be such an ass. And to jumpstart your train? If they’re so weak, how’d they beat you?” The man turned on his heel and exited, the door somehow echoing louder than it ever had before.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Chapter 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ozai was back to staring at his favorite brick. He briefly wondered if having a favorite brick was a bad sign about the state of his mental health, and promptly dismissed it. If it was, he had far larger problems to worry about. In no particular order, they were the fact that he was in prison, the fact that his bending had been ripped away from him, and that the tribesman hadn’t visited in over a week, maybe two. Guards brought him food and visited at night, and the healer had come first to remove the sling, and then the brace, watching him painfully flex his wrist before disappearing again. Even Zuko had failed to make an appearance, and Ozai was beginning to wonder if he had finally been left to rot down here.</p>
<p>He nearly breathed a sigh of relief when his door opened and closed, a tea set rattling as clothes rustled. His son had decided Ozai was finally worth the Fire Lord’s all-important time, and he shifted around to face the other.</p>
<p>Ozai didn’t quite believe his brother was sitting across from him at first. But he had never seen those clothes, and when his trembling hand took the cup that was slid to him, it was real. Iroh was here, for what, Ozai had no idea. He just knew that he hadn’t seen Iroh since... Since he had banished his son. Part of that was his own fault, he supposed, he could have visited when he had arrested Iroh. But it would have been worthless anyways.</p>
<p>“Zuko tells me you have asked after my tea shop.” Iroh sipped his tea, Ozai following suit. It was so much better than Zuko had ever made, bringing back memories of chasing after his brother, laughing, trying to catch him. He was happy then. The thoughts filled him with a strange, sharp feeling that he pushed down, unwilling to give it its name.</p>
<p>“I did. You are my brother, after all.”</p>
<p>“You never seemed interested in my activities before. Unless, of course, you were declaring me a traitor.” His voice was so warm when he laughed, and suddenly Ozai knew exactly why Zuko had chosen him over his own father. Agni, the man made him feel safe. He could feel the tension draining out of his shoulders, aching muscles relaxing.</p>
<p>“I still can’t believe Zhao was such an idiot. We rely on the moon as much as the Water Tribes do. I thought you were just stopping the siege, not defending the spirits.” Ozai growled at the thought of that man being that stupid.</p>
<p>“Would you have made a different call, had you known at the time?”</p>
<p>Ozai was quiet for a minute, the only sounds breaking the silence being the sip of tea and the click of porcelain. “Most likely not.”</p>
<p>Iroh just watched him, taking him in. Ozai could see his eyes sweep over the burns, his nostrils flaring slightly in anger. “What have you been doing to keep busy?”</p>
<p>“Not much. I stare at the wall, eat the pitiful food they give me, wait to be left alone to sleep.”</p>
<p>“Ah. I exercised. It proved useful during the eclipse.”</p>
<p>Another silence fell between them, heavy and awkward, until Ozai sighed.</p>
<p>“When did everything get so fucked?”</p>
<p>“I wonder about that every day.”</p>
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</div>The next time his door opened for a visitor, and not a guard, it was his son once again. This time, there was no tea, no rustle of fabric. Zuko just stood there, his arms crossed.<p>“Something Chief Hakoda mentioned has been bugging me.”</p>
<p>“And you come to me... Why, exactly?”</p>
<p>“Did it hurt when the Avatar took your bending?”</p>
<p>Ozai looked away, scowling. “It still hurts, boy.” He put all his remaining venom into the last word, not caring that Zuko breathed smoke in anger.</p>
<p>“In what way?”</p>
<p>Ozai’s quiet for a long while, until Zuko yells. “Answer me!”</p>
<p>“Careful there. Don’t want to end up like me, now do we?”</p>
<p>“Nobody will care if I’m exactly as cruel to you as you were to me.” Zuko’s voice was dripping with anger, an anger that actually gave Ozai pause. “And I’m trying to help you, for fuck’s sake. Or at least understand you.”</p>
<p>Ozai sighed, still irritated that his son decided to ask this out of the blue. “I get migraines, now, that linger for days. And I’m always cold. No matter how warm it is.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Zuko straightened and left, leaving Ozai to turn his back to the door and stare at the brick, trying to stem the wave after wave of memory of the moment he had felt his bending taken, the way he had cracked and splintered and how the pieces slotted back together wrong. He had barely been able to speak, let alone move, from the sheer exhaustion alone. The Avatar’s friends had come down to pick them both up, and taunted him, as what would be the first of many headaches creeped up on him. And when Zuko had cupped his face, heat simmering on his hand and soft threats on his lips, Ozai had dared him to do it. With a voice full of pain and a mind full of his father’s voice, telling him he’d never be good enough, he taunted Zuko until the boy turned away, storming off. And then pain exploded on his jaw right before he blacked out.</p>
<p>He had woken up in a cell, shivering, his jaw and head aching. It wasn’t long until he got used to the cold, and the pain would fade. But Ozai dreamed, time and time again, of different points in the fight, dying as he gasped awake. Lightning hitting his chest. All four elements drilling into him. The moment he felt the fire leave his body. And as time passed, new dreams filtered in, of faceless guards and burning hot hands, the types of dreams that he knew weren’t and pretended they were. These were what kept him up at night, and that voice deep inside had started whispering that he deserved what he got.</p>
<p>And when that voice whispered again, after Zuko had left his cell so abruptly, Ozai asked himself, what would lead him to deserving this? He wasn’t soft and weak. Not like those fools on the outside. And yet the man in blue was right. Zuko and the Avatar were on the other side of the bars. So where had he gone wrong?</p>
<p>His mind flitted to Iroh. Ozai had meant it, when he asked where everything had gone so wrong. They had been happy, once upon a time. He tried mentally tracing back to what event turned everything sour, and found that to him, everything was fine one day, and the next, it wasn’t, while nothing around him had changed at all. Ozai frowned, trying to remember what could have happened, but nothing was there. Just an awareness that his father didn’t love him anymore, and perhaps never had in the first place.</p>
<p>Maybe Iroh would have more information for him, if he could arrange a meeting with his brother.</p>
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</div>“Aang.” Zuko stood leaning on his desk, looking at the edge of it.<p>“Yeah, Zuko?”</p>
<p>“I think Chief Hakoda was right about Ozai.”</p>
<p>Aang’s heartbeat picked up, but he slapped on a smile. “I’m sure he wasn’t.”</p>
<p>“Do you really believe that, or are you just saying it to make me feel better?”</p>
<p>“Of course I believe it, Zuko. It used to happen all the time.”</p>
<p>He held his breath as Zuko sighed, waving his hand in a dismissal. “If you say so. Anyways, I have paperwork to do, I’ll catch up with you later.”</p>
<p>He let out the breath as he slipped out, before heading down the hallway. There was no way he had hurt Ozai with the energybending, right? It was the mercy option. The safe one. Yeah, Ozai must just be pulling some trick like he always was. At least Zuko had slowed the frequency of his visits.</p>
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</div>Months after the man’s first visit, Ozai’s hair cut short yet again by the very same guard, he came back. His stare was just as Ozai remembered it as he sat down, watching as Ozai slowly turned with a hand on his ribs. The struggle had been just as fruitless, this time earning him a couple of cracked ribs.<p>“I’m torn between telling you that you deserve every ounce of pain the guards inflict upon you and asking if you’re okay.”</p>
<p>“I’m not, thank you for your concern.” His words dripped with tired sarcasm.</p>
<p>“Testy, are we?”</p>
<p>Ozai growled at him, glaring. “Like you’d be sunshine and rainbows with a broken rib or two.”</p>
<p>“Did you think about what I said, last time?”</p>
<p>“I did.”</p>
<p>“Well?”</p>
<p>Ozai paused, trying to collect his thoughts. Truthfully, he had thought about what the man had asked him all those months ago. But he felt no closer to the answer than he had when the door closed, leaving him frustrated.</p>
<p>“I don’t know. I’m not even sure anymore if there was anything I could have done to win that fight.”</p>
<p>“Probably not. But go back further. Why did your son leave you in the first place, if your way was so just and right?”</p>
<p>Ozai’s old answer sprang to the tip of his tongue, that his son was a traitor. But something else whispered in the back of his mind, reminding him of the eclipse.</p>
<p>“He thought the Fire Nation deserved hatred from the other nations.”</p>
<p>“You do.”</p>
<p>Ozai snorted, leaning against the wall with a soft hiss.</p>
<p>“Tell me, are your guards former soldiers?”</p>
<p>That threw Ozai for a loop. “What? Maybe. Why?”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t have been their first.”</p>
<p>Ozai grimaced, turning away.</p>
<p>“I remember walking through Earth Kingdom villages, golden eyes clinging to green, women shielding their children from me while shaking. The tremble in their voices as they asked us what we were doing here, the fear when they saw-”</p>
<p>“Fuck off. I get the goddamn point already.”</p>
<p>“Do you?” His voice was low, and Ozai scowled.</p>
<p>“I do. I’m just like them, brought low by horrendous acts.”</p>
<p>“No, Ozai. They’re like you.” the man’s voice was impossibly, infuriatingly soft.</p>
<p>That confused him, and he didn’t bother hiding it. What was the difference? “What?”</p>
<p>“Human. Achingly, fully human, with full capability of feeling pain. And your nation, your soldiers, you, were the face of that pain.” The man’s voice was impossibly, infuriatingly soft.</p>
<p>“I am so much more than them.”</p>
<p>“How? You were born with different luck?” The man crossed his arms. “All that separates you from the common rabble is who you were born to.”</p>
<p>“And why shouldn’t that make me better?”</p>
<p>“Why should it? You did nothing to earn that position.”</p>
<p>“They should have tried-”</p>
<p>“Tried what?” The man was taunting him. “Tried rerolling the dice? Nobody gets that chance. Face it, Ozai. You’re wrong.”</p>
<p>He roared, slamming into the bars. The man didn’t flinch. “Who are you, to insult me like this?”</p>
<p>“I’m one of the people on the winning side.”</p>
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</div>Hakoda was close. He could feel it, see it in the way that behind the fury in Ozai’s eyes there was fear, and grief, and deep, deep pain.<p>“And as such, I want to ask you a question. Where did it all go so horribly wrong, huh?”</p>
<p>“He never fucking loved me!” Ozai’s roar echoed around the cell, angry tears dripping unheeded down his face. “All he ever wanted was Iroh! ‘Your brother’ this, ‘The Crown Prince’ that! I was never fucking good enough, always compared to him.”</p>
<p>“So you decided to turn your pain on your son. Smooth.” Hakoda leaned back nonchalantly. If he kept Ozai mad, he kept him talking.</p>
<p>“She poisoned him against me, that bitch.” Ozai pushed off the bars of his cell in rage, roughly wiping away the wetness on his cheeks. “He loved her more than me from the beginning. Even as an infant, when I tried calming his cries, it was only her he wanted. And then Azula came, and she adored me. So why shouldn’t I favor the child that could stand being around me?”</p>
<p>Hakoda hoped he hadn’t heard what had happened to his daughter during the comet. “If she loved you so much, why hasn’t she visited you?”</p>
<p>Ozai froze, and in the span of five seconds, his face cycled from rage to confusion to fear to grief, and as his knees hit the ground, an inhuman sound was ripped from his throat, loud and filled with raw mourning.</p>
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</div>Ozai stopped caring that the man was watching as he cried, grieved, for the first time since he was a child. He didn’t care if Azula was still alive or if Zuko had simply neglected to inform him that she had died. This was so much more than that as hot tears ran down his face, his throat raw and his chest aching as he sucked in great heaving breaths and choked on them on their way out. This grief was for himself, and himself alone.<p>This was the culmination of decades of neglect and abuse all piling on, of his father turning up his nose no matter what he did, of Iroh pulling father and farther away, of Ursa choosing everyone but him. This was the culmination of trying to push down his own self, molding himself to Azulon’s image of a perfect son and yet always falling short, sometimes by inches, sometimes by miles. This was the culmination of telling himself that if he was just good enough, he’d have earned his father’s love again, even years after Azulon was dead.</p>
<p>And he saw that the years of pain and hate had turned him into the same monster. Perhaps one worse.</p>
<p>“Tell me. Do you think I could have tried more to please him?” His voice was barely a whisper, every word straining his throat. He stared at his hands through an uneven sheet of hair, nausea rolling through him as his arms shook.</p>
<p>“I think you should have stopped trying, a long, long time ago.” The man's voice was soft. “It’s what your son did to win the war.”</p>
<p>Deep in his heart, Ozai knew it was true. Zuko had rejected everything he had ever tried to teach him and come back stronger that Ozai ever was. How ironic it was, to think his son weak only to be brought low by the people he had made friends with.</p>
<p>They stayed like that for a long, long time, the silence only broken by Ozai heaving for air, until finally, hours later, Ozai sat back and gave his aching wrists a rest. He was mildly surprised to see the man still sitting there, watching him with a look Ozai had never seen directed at him before. It was... Strangely comforting.</p>
<p>“Why did your son leave you, Ozai?” His voice was still soft, but it wrapped around him like a salve, soothing him despite the otherwise harsh words.</p>
<p>“Because I became my father.” He scrubbed his cheeks, soaking his hands. “I became a monster.”</p>
<p>“There’s hope for you after all.”</p>
<p>“I... Why hasn’t my daughter visited me?” Ozai’s voice sounded small even to himself.</p>
<p>“Because you broke her just as much as you broke your son. She just didn’t have anyone to help her through it.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked away, swallowing the bile that threatened to come up. But when the man stood, Ozai scrabbled to the bars, his voice hoarse. Desperate, so much so that it surprised him. “Please, don’t leave me. You’re my only friend.”</p>
<p>“It’s late, and I don’t fancy sleeping in a prison, free to walk or not. I did plenty of that during the war.” He brushed off his pants before stretching with a soft moan. “My name’s Hakoda, by the way. I think you’ve earned it.”</p>
<p>Ozai watched Hakoda leave, and the door slamming shook him to his core. He crawled to his cot, curled up on himself, and thought of the way Hakoda had looked at him, trying to figure out what that emotion that made him feel so calmed was. It wasn’t until he was slipping into sleep that he had its name: Compassion.</p>
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</div>The next day, when Haircut stepped into his cell, Ozai let himself get dragged up to standing, the familiar rope digging into his wrists as his arms were tied behind his back.<p>“Heard you screaming last night. What was he doing, hmm? Reminding you of your failure?” The guard started behind his back, near his ear, before circling around to stare Ozai in the face.</p>
<p>“Sure.”</p>
<p>His head snapped back at the punch, his nose crunching. The force sent him staggering back, and he groaned as he leaned forward again, trying to keep his breathing steady and normal.</p>
<p>“Cry for me, bitch.”</p>
<p>“Tell me, how many women did you fuck on the war trail?” Ozai grinned despite the blood dripping down his face. He may be a monster, but this man was too. Because if the women in the Earth Kingdom felt half as shitty as he did every time a guard slipped out from his cell, still fastening their pants, then this man didn’t deserve a single iota of remorse.</p>
<p>It was still strange, thinking of them as he thought of himself. But he supposed it was a step in the right direction.</p>
<p>The next punch caught his jaw near his ear, nearly dislocating it as his head snapped to the side. Ozai tipped it the other way and laughed. </p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up, Lord Ozai.” The guard sneered at him, clearly ready to throw another punch. Or maybe ready to drop his pants. He couldn’t tell which. “You approved.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think my son does.” He dodged the next attack, driving a shoulder into Haircut and shoving him into the door. And Ozai watched in dumbfounded amazement when the door to his bars was flung wide open as the guard tumbled through, snarling as he stood up.</p>
<p>Ozai darted through, past the other man, and slammed his shoulder into the second door, made of solid metal. He was amazed when it opened, and he bolted, streaking down the hallway with the shouts of guards trailing behind him. He just wanted to get away from the guard, maybe he could get his hands free and fight back.</p>
<p>He was tackled from behind by a guard, going down hard on already-damaged ribs. He gasped in pain, thrashing as he was dragged to his feet. Haircut walked up, still scowling.</p>
<p>“Just what were you expecting to do, Ozai?” His voice was low.</p>
<p>“Get out of this fucking hellhole.” Ozai spat blood, and Haircut flinched away as it hit his cheek.</p>
<p>“Didn’t you hear? You have a life sentence. And if all you’re going to use those legs for is running, then I don’t think you deserve them any more.”</p>
<p>A guard grabbed either bicep, holding Ozai as Haircut slammed his foot into Ozai’s shin, smirking as it gave way with a sickening crunch. A cry of pain was torn from Ozai’s lips, and he sagged in the guard’s arms, black spots threatening to overtake his vision.</p>
<p>“Maybe next I’ll burn that pretty little face of-”</p>
<p>“What the fuck is going on.” Zuko’s cold voice cut through the room, Hakoda right behind him. The guards all straightened up, the two holding Ozai hoisting him higher, deaf to his soft moan of pain.</p>
<p>“The prisoner was trying to escape, my lord.”</p>
<p>“So you decide to break his leg?”</p>
<p>“Well, you see... We kinda-”</p>
<p>“Chief Hakoda.” Zuko’s voice was ice, and Ozai felt proud despite everything else. That, he knew, was him through and through. Maybe he hadn’t fucked Zuko up as much as he feared. “Take my father from the guards and help him back to his cell. I will get a healer and then deal with this.”</p>
<p>Hakoda moved behind him, cutting the rope before bundling Ozai in those safe, warm arms, his dangling broken leg gently threaded through the doors first before he was set on his cot.</p>
<p>“So, after yesterday’s talk, you still try to escape.”</p>
<p>“Zuko broke the Avatar out of prison. And you, if I recall correctly.” Ozai rolled his head to look up at Hakoda, the man’s name still bouncing around his brain. And it didn’t hurt that the chief of the Water Tribe was quite easy on the eyes.</p>
<p>“I-” Hakoda sighed, crossing his arms. “You know, I’m not going to bother arguing with you.”</p>
<p>“In my defense, I wasn't exactly thinking clearly.”</p>
<p>Hakoda snorted. “Oh?”</p>
<p>“The order of events was getting my hands tied behind my back, getting punched a couple of times, and then I bolted, looking for something sharp.” He sat up with a hiss, carefully arranging his leg to be as supported as it would get in the cell.</p>
<p>“...You weren’t actually trying to escape.”</p>
<p>“Not the whole prison, no. Just wanted my hands free so I had a chance.”</p>
<p>They were silent for a long while, Ozai just trying to ignore the pain his entire body was in. At some point, he slouched against Hakoda, and while the other man tensed, he didn’t move away. So Ozai let himself sit there, closing his eyes and pretending they weren't in a cell right after he had been attacked yet again.</p>
<p>At least his son seemed to care to some degree. That was a nice surprise. After the father he had been, he expected Zuko to turn his back and never care about him again.</p>
<p>“I still can’t believe that I’m doing this for you.” The voice of a young girl, laced with disgust, made him crack one eye open. She was dressed the same as Hakoda, already gathering water and guiding it to wrap around his leg.</p>
<p>“Consider it a favor for me, too, Katara.” Hakoda’s chest rumbled with his voice, and all Ozai wanted to do was melt into his arms.</p>
<p>The girl muttered under her breath about something Ozai didn’t quite catch. He was more focused on the painfully pleasant sensation of his bones grinding back into place and rapidly healing, pushing the sharp edge of pain back into a dull ache. He let out a soft moan, tension in his back melting away.</p>
<p>“You want me to deal with his nose too?”</p>
<p>“Please.”</p>
<p>“Water coming near your face.” The heads up was appreciated, although not for the reasons she probably gave it. He fought against a flinch when it touched his face, pushing down the bubbling panic-rage. And he nearly twitched in surprise when Hakoda slid a hand up his spine, wordlessly holding him steady and grounding him. Slowly, he relaxed, and the water pulled away soon enough. She left without another word, Zuko glancing at Hakoda before tossing him the ring of keys that held the ones to Ozai’s cell before following. And Ozai fully expected Hakoda to leave the section Ozai inhabited, but he didn’t. Instead he stayed, that warm, bracing hand still on his back. Ozai didn’t question it as he let his eyes slip close.</p>
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</div>Hakoda didn’t want to leave. One part was that he didn’t want to leave Ozai to the wolves that his guards had proven them to be, even if he could faintly hear Zuko yelling in the distance. Another part is that he didn’t know when next he’d have the opportunity to sit with Ozai like this, admire him. Though the man was far too thin, he was still handsome, all sharp cheekbones and jawline. His hair was a shame, though it could be fixed with a good eye and a steady hand. And when Ozai cracked his eyes open again, the brilliant gold in contrast to midnight black hair damn near took Hakoda’s breath away. Fuck, if only he wasn’t a hopefully-former genocidal maniac.<p>His hand stayed on Ozai’s back, up until the other man gently pulled away, rubbing his shin.</p>
<p>“Still fucking hurts.”</p>
<p>“Katara has mentioned before that she’s still not the best at healing broken bones. You might want to take it easy on that leg for a bit.” Hakoda let a sly smile slip onto his face. “No more escape attempts.”</p>
<p>That earned him a bark of a laugh, Ozai’s hand going to his ribs. “No promises.”</p>
<p>“Where did we leave off, yesterday?”</p>
<p>“Ugh.” Ozai dragged his other hand down his face. “I just woke up, let me have some time to process that.”</p>
<p>“Fine, fine.” Hakoda nearly reached out to rub his back. He chided himself. Ozai wasn’t Bato, and even if he seemed apathetic to the contact at the least, that didn’t mean he wanted it all the time.</p>
<p>Eventually, Ozai seemed awake enough, shifting around to better see Hakoda. He could see those gold eyes linger over his face, taking in every aspect of him without so much as a twitch.</p>
<p>“I had just had a mental breakdown because I realized I was a worse father than my dad.”</p>
<p>“Right. Yeah, no offense, but you really do win worst father of the year award.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.” Ozai’s voice was dry as he gave Hakoda a halfhearted glare.</p>
<p>“You’re welcome.”</p>
<p>Ozai huffed, and Hakoda couldn’t help a small, quiet chuckle.</p>
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</div>“We were talking about my daughter. You said I broke her too.”<p>“She broke down the day of the comet. She just hasn’t recovered.”</p>
<p>Ozai remembered the last time he saw his daughter. He had been so proud of her, and how ready she was to lead her nation.</p>
<p>“Was it wrong to expect her to lead the Fire Nation?”</p>
<p>“Yes. It was.” Hakoda sighed. “But if I’m being honest, that’s very similar to a mistake I made too.”</p>
<p>“Oh? The great chief fucked up?”</p>
<p>“Yes, I did. I left my children defenseless to fight in the war. It’s the biggest regret I have, and I hate that given the choice, I’d do it all over again.”</p>
<p>Ozai shifted, not really having much to contribute. Both of them were highly aware that Ozai had royally sucked as a father, and even if he was having trouble seeing what he should have done in any given situation, he knew that if he said that he would have burned Zuko’s face off all over again the least of what would happen would be some strange looks.</p>
<p>In truth, he still looked at his fatherhood with a mix of pride and shame. He had nothing to compare himself to, except Ursa and Iroh, and he had never really paid much attention to their parenting methods. Moments, he could pick out as being probably... not the best, most of them with Zuko. The Agni Kai, the lightning on the day of the eclipse, even just forever favoring Azula.</p>
<p>His daughter was harder. It took him tracing the roots of his own breakdown, and realizing that he had been expected to be perfect his entire life, or at least, he had believed he needed to be perfect. He had just stood up better to the pressure, until he hadn’t.</p>
<p>“I don’t know what I would do, if given the chance to relive my life. Knowing I fucked up and knowing what I should have done better are two different things.”</p>
<p>“You can start with not burning your son’s face off.”</p>
<p>Ozai growled. “I know that. I’m not an idiot.”</p>
<p>Hakoda just raised an eyebrow, and Ozai huffed, standing up off the cot to gingerly stretch before walking around a little. His leg ached with every step, but he ignored it.</p>
<p>“I should get going. I had other plans today, and got a little sidetracked.”</p>
<p>“Toss me the keys.”</p>
<p>“What? Do you think I’m crazy? I’m not going to hand the keys to your cell over to you.”</p>
<p>Ozai scowled. “Do you know which one locks my cell and door?”</p>
<p>“...You do?”</p>
<p>“Yes.” Ozai held out his hand, exasperated with the other man, and Hakoda reluctantly gave the ring over. He deftly picked out two keys. “The short one is the inner door, the long one is the outer door.”</p>
<p>“Why are you so adamant about staying here?”</p>
<p>Ozai laughed at that, this time not caring about the bolt of pain it sent through his ribs. “Do you seriously think I have anywhere I can go? I’ve held an actual conversation with a grand total of three people in here, not counting the guards. And all three of you would instantly throw me back in here regardless. I’m staying because I have nowhere else to go, not without being hunted.” He sank down to sit on the floor, giving Hakoda a crooked smile. “I’m a monster.”</p>
<p>Hakoda cleared out after that, pausing before he fully exited. “You were a monster. But even monsters can change if they care enough.” And with that, he left Ozai alone with his thoughts.</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Chapter 3</h2></a>
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    <p>“Talk, Zarai.” Zuko crossed his arms, staring down the guard. Zarai gave him an easy smile, one arm thrown over the back of his chair.</p>
<p>“He was trying to escape, your Majesty. We both know that can’t happen.”</p>
<p>“Chief Hakoda said that my father was just getting away from you. He didn’t even intend to leave the prison.”</p>
<p>“We both know how your father honeys his words. A master of manipulation, that one.” Zarai leaned forward. “Come on. Do you seriously believe his word over mine?”</p>
<p>Zuko clenched his jaw. On the one hand, Zarai was making points that hadn’t failed to cross his own mind. But on the other, he had seen a glimmer of spirits-damned relief behind the pain in his father’s eyes. And the way he had found them, Ozai leaning against Hakoda, almost tender.</p>
<p>“...No.”</p>
<p>Zarai sat back, smiling. “Can you trust my judgement next time?”</p>
<p>“Of course. You’re dismissed.”</p>
<p>Zuko watched with a strange sense of unease as the guard left, dread coiling in his stomach.</p>
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</div>Ozai must have been lying. That’s what Aang had been telling himself since Zuko had come to him about how Hakoda might have been right, that Ozai was suffering because he hadn’t killed him and took the merciful route. Ozai was known for his lying, to Zuko, to Azula, to Ursa, a master manipulator who knew just what to say and do to get underneath someone else’s skin.<p>So why was he so bothered?</p>
<p>He shook his head to clear it, sighing as he leaned back on his hands. Air swirled around him as he idly kicked his feet, staring out across the city. He had to let this go somehow. It would just keep eating away at him otherwise, and he did what he had to do to end the war. Decided, Aang settled into a meditation pose, breathing in, and out, working away at all of it.</p>
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</div>There was something different in Ozai’s eyes, Iroh mused. And for once, he had hope about whatever spark it was, how his brother seemed to be genuinely happy, groaning at his tea puns with a good-natured eye roll. Indeed, the entire visit had been quite pleasant, and Iroh briefly wondered if it had anything to do with that Water Tribe chief.<p>“Hey. Can I ask you a more serious question?” Ozai’s voice had lost what little lightness the previous conversation had lent it, instead almost guarded in its tone.</p>
<p>“Of course, Ozai.”</p>
<p>He watched his brother take a deep breath, and was suddenly reminded of two boys, rejected and abused by their fathers, bracing themselves for pain.</p>
<p>“Do you know why Father never loved me?” Ozai’s voice was impossibly small, for one so large. He hadn’t heard it like that in decades, since Ozai was desperately begging him for bedtime stories, and Iroh’s heart broke.</p>
<p>“You were... Unplanned. Father already had his heir, and Mother hadn’t even wanted another child. There was talk around the palace that she nearly took an abortive, and even more whispers that you were to be given up for adoption.” Iroh winced as he saw Ozai wilt.</p>
<p>“I didn’t realize he didn’t want me that much.”</p>
<p>Iroh looked away as his heart twisted, not wishing to see the pain on Ozai’s face. “When you were an infant, Father fell in love with you. He never spent long away from the newest prince, delighting in all of your milestones. But as you grew, so too did his distaste, until he was comparing us to the other nobles.”</p>
<p>“Always in your favor.”</p>
<p>“I dearly wish I could deny it. He spent more and more time apart from you, until it seemed like he had forgotten about you. I think you remember that part.”</p>
<p>Ozai’s voice was hoarse. “I remember being told to my face by my father that he loved his komodo rhino more than he loved me.”</p>
<p>Iroh bowed his head, unable and unwilling to continue.</p>
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</div>It felt like a vice had clamped down on his heart, like it always felt when he opened this locked box of emotional abandonment and neglect. He could barely breathe, the ache in his chest all-encompassing and weighing him down. And he wanted to cry, oh how much he wanted to cry for himself, but his eyes stayed traitorously dry, the only vent being his thick, choked words.<p>“He said it was because komodo rhinos didn’t talk back. And I didn’t understand as a kid, I still don’t understand how he could say that to my face. Even if you were joking, you don’t say that to a seven year old, Iroh.” His voice cracked, and he sucked in a deep, shuddering breath.</p>
<p>“You are right. You don’t.” Iroh’s voice echoed a fraction of his pain, laced with anger.</p>
<p>“He just pulled completely away, pursuing his own dreams and desires. Threw me away like I was a toy he outgrew. And Mother wasn’t much better.” He couldn’t help the scorn, bleeding into every word. “All she would do is sit with her embroidery, telling me to be quiet if I was playing in the same room as her. Half the time she’d force me out, it was for no discernable reason, and the other half she told me that I was too loud and needed to play somewhere else. But there were no other children, and you and Father were always so busy, so I ended up in my room, reading scrolls and practicing firebending to pass the time. And if I dared to mess up too much, Father beat me red, saying to me as tears were streaming down my fucking face that if I didn’t shut up, he’d give me something to cry about. As if getting hit wasn’t enough reason to be in pain and express that pain. I am beyond grateful that one stopped early on.”</p>
<p>“I’m so sorry. I should have done something.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked up, eyes brimming with tears that refused to fall, and locked onto Iroh’s. “You shouldn’t have had to. You know, I treasure the one memory of Mother playing with me when I was a child? Doing something that I had asked her to do for years, and she finally gave in, but only once.” He laughed, a bitter, painful sound. “What child clings to that memory like a lifeline? All while Father pulled farther, and farther, and farther away. Comparing me to the great Dragon of the West.”</p>
<p>Iroh looked away as Ozai’s eyes burned into him.</p>
<p>“When I was a teenager, he started to refuse me food. Saying that I had lost the right to eat. He once let me load up my plate, and right when I was about to tuck in, he dumped the entire thing onto the floor for a servant to clean up. And as I grew into a young adult, he commanded the servants to stop giving me any, because this time, I hadn’t earned the privilege of food.” He spat the last words with venom, face twisted into a rage. “I would have starved if it weren’t for the kindness of a handful that fed me out of his sight.”</p>
<p>“If I had known, I would have taken you with me.”</p>
<p>“I wish you had.” Ozai slumped, all of his energy suddenly draining out of him. He leaned against the wall, closing his eyes. So much had gone wrong, and yet if he had told anyone but Iroh, all they would say is that at least he grew up in the palace. All the trappings of luxury. But what use were they, when your parents were so broken they couldn’t even love you right?</p>
<p>“Is there anything you need?” He knew Iroh’s words carried more than their surface meaning. He almost asked for Azulon’s love, but that was not Iroh’s to give. In fact, it wasn’t even Azulon’s.</p>
<p>“No.”</p>
<p>“I will see you later, then.” Ozai listened as Iroh gathered up their teacups, his clinking softly against the bars, and when the door was slammed shut, the hot tears finally came pouring down his cheeks.</p>
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</div>Hakoda sat across from Ozai, watching the other man robotically eat. Something new was off, and as desperate as Hakoda was to know, he wasn’t about to pry.<p>“You said you have children?” The sharpness of Ozai’s voice made him jump, but it was brittle. Pained.</p>
<p>“I do, yes.”</p>
<p>“Do you favor one over the other?”</p>
<p>“Not at all. I love them equally, and they both make me proud for different reasons.” Hakoda smiled faintly as he thought of Sokka and Katara. “You have actually met them before. Both, I’ve heard.”</p>
<p>“Mm.” Ozai drank his tea, before leaning his head against the bars of his cell.</p>
<p>“Katara is my daughter, the waterbender who healed your leg. And while I’m not sure you’ll remember him, my son’s name is Sokka.”</p>
<p>“I think he was the one who called me Loser Lord. And Phoenix King of Getting His Ass Kicked.”</p>
<p>Hakoda couldn’t tell if there was humor or not in Ozai’s flat, tired tone. “You got a migraine, or...?”</p>
<p>“I decided to relive some very, very deep-seated trauma, Hakoda. Forgive me if I’m not the pinnacle of happiness.”</p>
<p>“Whoa, not what I was trying to do. I just wanted to make sure you were okay. See if there was anything I could do.” Hakoda put his hands up in a placating gesture as Ozai turned his head to look up at him, eyes narrow.</p>
<p>“And why would you care?”</p>
<p>“Friends care about one another.”</p>
<p>Ozai sat back again, scrutinizing Hakoda. “I do consider you a friend, but my pickings are slim to none. Why do you consider me one?”</p>
<p>“Because you are. Helps that you decided to let me in and listen to me.”</p>
<p>Ozai grunted and went back to his half-eaten rice. “I hated you that first day. You pushed all the right buttons. But then you backed off.”</p>
<p>Hakoda shrugged a little. “You looked like you needed it.”</p>
<p>Ozai chewed his bite slowly, still staring at Hakoda. “Not many people do things because of what I need.”</p>
<p>“Listen, I didn’t really have any personal beef. You were leading your country, I was leading mine. Even if I hated your ideology, I can understand some things.”</p>
<p>“Like?”</p>
<p>“Like how you have to make hard calls that you aren’t sure are the right ones.”</p>
<p>“Mine were always right. I was the Fire Lord.”</p>
<p>Hakoda raised an eyebrow. “And who taught you that?”</p>
<p>Ozai scowled and finished off his meal.</p>
<p>“Just think about it, alright?” Hakoda offered his hand out for the bowl and cup. “Here, let me take those.”</p>
<p>Ozai handed them over before turning, facing his inner wall again. Hakoda took that as his time to slip out, handing the dishes to a guard before heading out.</p>
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</div>Zarai spun his knife with a faint scowl. The Fire Lord shouldn’t have poked his nose into how they were keeping Ozai. They knew what they were doing, and it’s not like the man didn’t deserve every minute of pain. He had been a monster to his family and his nation alike while on the throne. He didn’t understand why that chief, Prince Iroh, and Fire Lord Zuko were all visiting Ozai at this point. The bastard deserved to rot in his cell alone and unloved. And Zarai had plans. He just needed Ozai to slip far enough out of line for him to burn the fucker to a crisp.<p>When one of the other guards came out, hiking his pants higher and tossing Zarai the keys, he headed into the outer section of the cell himself. There Ozai was, slumped against the wall, back turned towards the bars. He always sat like that, as if he was too proud to face his jailers.</p>
<p>“Hey, fuckface.”</p>
<p>Ozai didn’t move, and Zarai growled, slamming the hilt of his knife against the bars. “Fuck. Face. I’m talking to you! Turn around.”</p>
<p>When Ozai still didn’t move, Zarai shot fire into his cell, smirking when the first ex-firebender in living memory flinched away from it.</p>
<p>“Turn the fuck around, your Highness.”</p>
<p>He watched Ozai turn around, irritation clear in his stupid face. “What do you want? Are you here to cut off my hair yet again?”</p>
<p>“Don’t pretend you don’t love it. No, I’m here to remind you that you’re worth less than dirt, and once I figure out your plan, your visits are getting shut the fuck down. All you’ll have is me and the rest of the guards.” Zarai smirked. “And we know how much you love our nighttime romps.”</p>
<p>Ozai’s eyes flashed, and he growled. “If you had any decency and respect, you’d fucking stop.”</p>
<p>“You don’t deserve respect. You ruined the lives of your people, let alone the lives of the rest of the world. You deserve every second of agony we put you through.”</p>
<p>Ozai stood, stepping dangerously close to the bars. “Shut. The fuck. Up.”</p>
<p>Zarai simply lit his hand on fire, letting the flames dance over his fingers. “I don’t think I will. Don’t forget that you have no power here.” He leaned in, taking deep satisfaction from the way Ozai backed off, eyes trained on the dancing orange and yellow fire. “And I have it all.”</p>
<p>Pure terror flicked across Ozai’s face, and Zarai savored it, grinning wide.</p>
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</div>Ozai’s heart pounded in his chest as he watched the flame, knowing that he had limited dodging opportunities in his cell. Haircut was still talking, something about how he should do something, but the words were white noise in his brain, going processed and acknowledged at a subconscious level. His decades of meditation experience kept his breathing nice and steady, and he could hear his own voice retort back, but what they were saying to one another was lost to him.<p>His own voice echoed in his head. All the power in the world. And then he had nearly been torn to shreds by the Avatar. The Avatar nearly hitting him with lightning. The Avatar nearly killing him when the airbender was glowing, his voice not his own. The Avatar ripping away part of the core of his being. His brain cycled through the moments, until Haircut’s furious voice filtered through his head again, hand raised in preparation to throw a fireball.</p>
<p>“Bow, you fucking bastard!”</p>
<p>Ozai dropped to the floor, performing the lowest-rank bow he knew. One he hadn’t performed since his Father (unloved unwanted unloved unwanted unloved unwanted they nearly killed him before he was born) was alive, the bow one made to the Fire Lord. The wild thumping of his heart felt like it was shaking his whole body, and the fire was starting to make his head ache, but Haircut finally left after gloating a little longer. His entire body slumped into the stone floor then, and he pressed his temple into it, hoping that the cold would seep in and freeze the pervasive ache that he just wished would leave him alone.</p>
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</div>Hakoda was here, talking away. For once, Ozai had pressed his body against the bars, listening to the chatter with as much contentment as he could muster through his irritation and migraine from the day before. It had been so full of pain, physical and emotional, that it was all he could manage to listen, unable to even comment on Bato’s stupidity or Sokka’s liveliness or Hakoda’s own stubbornness.<p>When the latter asked if he could try something, Ozai nodded, curious as to what was going to happen. He watched with a small spike of fear as Hakoda left, inching out of immediate reach. And when Hakoda came back with his waterbender daughter, the fear uncurled itself, and he went back to being as close to his only friend as he could be.</p>
<p>“My dad wants me to take a look at your head, see if I can’t help that migraine of yours.” She pulled out her water, and carefully bent it around his head, frowning in concentration. The cool touch soothed some of his pain, and he let out a soft sigh as she worked.</p>
<p>“Okay, this is weird. I’m going to go get Zuko and Iroh, shouldn’t be long.” Katara stood and ran off, leaving Ozai and Hakoda to exchange confused looks.</p>
<p>Soon, both were being examined on the other side of the bars, even Hakoda getting a once-over, before she returned to Ozai, muttering under her breath. Zuko and Iroh watched with concern, and eventually, Katara stepped back.</p>
<p>“Well, I think I found the source of the pain. His chi is completely out of balance. Which is why I called you two, I wanted to compare all three of you to him.” Katara looked at Iroh and Zuko. “For you, it’s like the fire runs next to your chi, sometimes intertwining, and it’s all interconnected. Like a delicate web. And you, Dad, your chi is different from his too. It’s smooth, fluid, and nothing is missing.”</p>
<p>“So what’s your point, Katara?” Zuko crossed his arms.</p>
<p>“My point is, his chi’s fucked.” Katara jerked her thumb at Ozai. “There’s more than a few pathways that are severed, and I wasn’t even able to locate things that should definitely be there. And it seems to have resulted in the flow of his chi being thrown way, way off. There’s points where it’s thinner than it needs to be, and points where there’s backup of energy. I’m not at all surprised he’s been feeling it since losing his bending.”</p>
<p>“Can you fix it?” The hope in his brother’s voice reflected his own, however small.</p>
<p>“The damage is too extensive. I’m sorry, Uncle.” Her voice is quiet. “Even if I could repair the severed pathways that still had their connections, he’s just missing whole chunks.”</p>
<p>Ozai bowed his head, Hakoda’s hand snaking in to squeeze his. His tiny hope had been nevertheless shattered, and he just had to figure out how to live with this.</p>
<p>“Well, at least we have proof for Aang now. He keeps insisting that the energybending was the humane way to end things.”</p>
<p>Katara snorted. “Yeah, well. I’m going to be blunt, if I was in his situation, I’d rather have died too.”</p>
<p>She left, Zuko casting an unreadable look at him before following. Iroh stayed, sitting near Hakoda.</p>
<p>“We will be here for you, brother.” At the softness of Iroh’s voice, Ozai looked up, seeing unexpected sadness. He suddenly wondered if he could make it all up to Iroh, become true brothers again.</p>
<p>“I may not be a bender, but I’m going to do everything I can to help.”</p>
<p>Ozai smiled softly, leaning his head on the bars as a small, tiny emotion burrowed into his heart, one that took him completely by surprise.</p>
<p>Love.</p>
<p>And so, he sat there, dumbfounded by the revelation that he loved Hakoda. Watched first his brother, then the man himself leave, turning it over in his head all the while. What had possessed him, to give him such feelings? Hakoda had attacked him the day they met, although not completely unprovoked. But he thought of the long hours he had listened to stories from the Southern Water Tribe, Hakoda telling him about his home, about the way the man lit up when Ozai laughed. The way Hakoda wordlessly supported him when he needed it, the way Hakoda’s eyes would linger on Ozai’s. The way Hakoda had shown him an emotion other than contempt.</p>
<p>It was nearing the time he was about to settle down for sleep that he finally let himself whisper the words to an empty cell.</p>
<p>“I love you, Hakoda.”</p>
<p>He went to sleep that night with a Water Tribe man smiling behind his eyes.</p>
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</div>“Aang.”<p>He flashed Zuko a warm smile. “What’s up? Do you need something from me?”</p>
<p>When Zuko didn’t move from his position, arms crossed and a tight jaw, Aang’s smile faded.</p>
<p>“Zuko, what’s wrong? Is there some problem?”</p>
<p>“Actually, there is. Ozai wasn’t lying.”</p>
<p>“What?”</p>
<p>“Katara did her waterbending healing thing on him. You fucked his chi up, Aang.”</p>
<p>Aang felt queasy all of a sudden. “What? How? It was supposed to be the safe option.”</p>
<p>“It wasn’t.”</p>
<p>The room suddenly tipped on its side, and Aang leaned on the back of the chair in front of him to steady himself. “You’re sure about this?”</p>
<p>“Aang, I was in the room when she was examining him! Of course I’m sure!” Zuko’s voice was sharp as he snapped at Aang.</p>
<p>“I, um. I have to go.” And with that, the Avatar turned on his heel and walked, calmly, out of the Fire Lord’s office. Down the hall. Into his guest bedroom, where he broke into a run, grabbed his glider, and flew out into the cool night air, trying not to vomit as he circled around the palace. He flew for hours, watching as lanterns went dark until it was just him and the wind, as he just breathed. He had done what was best for his culture. He had done what was best for him, and for the Air Nomads. The war didn’t have to end with more bloodshed, and he had proved that, and he didn’t have blood on his hands.</p>
<p>He made the right choice. So he pushed the nagging voice away, the one that told him he still hurt Ozai. And when it didn’t go away, he angrily told it that it was better than being forced to kill dozens upon dozens of Fire Nation soldiers just to save his life for a few seconds, like Gyatso.</p>
<p>He wiped away the tears that had tracked down his cheeks, before going back to his room. Maybe if he saw Ozai, this whole mess could be resolved. Hakoda had even mentioned that he was doing better. Yeah, when he finally had time, maybe in a few weeks, Aang would go see him and talk things out.</p>
<p>With that settled in his mind, Aang got into bed, Momo curling up on his chest as he fell asleep.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hoo boy, this chapter was emotionally difficult to write. Everything Iroh and Ozai talk about in their one-on-one about Ozai's childhood in this chapter is something that happened to me. Some of it is changed to suit the world and their status as royalty, some of it is exaggerated a bit, and some of the timeline and perpetrator was fiddled with, but every example of Ozai's trauma was real to me.</p>
<p>I set out to write a simple Hakozai, and before I know it I turn it into the fic that I have poured the most of myself and my soul into, who knew. From here on out things should become, maybe not exactly lighter, but less personal!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Chapter 4</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ozai turned when he heard the clinking of tea cups, taking the one that was slid through the bars towards him. Zuko sat across from him, more relaxed than Ozai had ever seen him. Which, granted, still wasn’t much, but the agitation came from outside forces this time.</p><p>“I just don’t know what to do. From Azula, to the colonies, to your supporters.”</p><p>“My supporters?” Ozai narrowed his eyes. His mind flew to how he could use this, regain the throne, and then Hakoda’s soft voice came through. Do you really want to do that, Ozai? Lose all the trust I’ve built in you? I don’t think you do.</p><p>And of course, the bastard was right. Even when he was only in Ozai’s head.</p><p>“People think that you were a better Fire Lord.” Zuko sighed, sipping his tea.</p><p>“Well, regardless of whether or not they are right, your word is law.”</p><p>“I don’t like ruling like that. My people deserve to feel heard. And that still doesn’t tell me what the right choice is!”</p><p>Ozai took a sip, carefully considering his words. Hakoda’s voice still echoed in the back of his head. “I cannot pretend to have ruled like you seem to want to. But one thing should remain the same, Zuko. You are always right, and the people should not disagree.”</p><p>“I’m not having struggles with the people. Moreso the nobles.”</p><p>Ozai’s head jerked up at that. “What?”</p><p>“There’s constant whispers around court. About how I shouldn’t be on the throne.”</p><p>Ozai narrowed his eyes again, staring into his empty tea cup as he thought. “My guess would be Ukano. He was loyal, more than even Zhao. Nearly disgustingly so. Keep an eye on him.”</p><p>“...You’re helping me. Why?”</p><p>Ozai looked up, his eyes flicking to the scar and away, to Zuko’s unmarred eye. “The Fire Lord is always right. The Fire Lord’s rule is law. I may still dislike what you’re doing on the throne, but it is your rule. The Agni Kai saw to that.”</p><p>Zuko tightened his jaw, taking Ozai’s cup when it was passed through the bars. “I still despise you for that. For all of it.”</p><p>His eyes drifted to the scar, Zuko’s eyes narrowing angrily.</p><p>“I know.”</p>
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</div>Ursa hadn’t been down here in months. She still didn’t want to be here, but an offhand comment from Zuko had caught her off-guard. So she was down in this cell herself, to test its truth.<p>“Ozai.”</p><p>“Are you here to insult me again?” He hadn’t even turned to face her, the coward.</p><p>“I heard that you helped Zuko. In fact, it was one of your longest conversations, in or out of prison.”</p><p>“That’s what he comes for, is it not? For wisdom?”</p><p>Ursa snorted, rolling her eyes. “He gets all the wisdom he needs from Iroh and I. No, I think he comes here because he pities you, Ozai.” She smiled when he flinched, even the smallest moment. “No bending, no throne, not even a family to call your own.”</p><p>“I have a family.”</p><p>“Yeah? And who is it? It sure isn’t me, or your children. I doubt your brother wants anything to do with you, either. “</p><p>“Iroh cares for me.”</p><p>Ursa laughed. “No, your brother doesn’t. He’s moved on from you, Ozai.”</p><p>“You dirty, filthy liar.” Ozai finally turned, standing to look her in the eye. In the past, that fire, that fury would have made her step back, backtrack, apologize. Now, she wanted to goad it out more.</p><p>“I’m not lying. He cares more about Ba Sing Se and his tea shop than he does about you.”</p><p>“You know nothing about my brother if you think that.”</p><p>“I don’t think it, Ozai, I know it. He spends all his time away from you, and for good reason.” She leaned in, snarling. “You ruined all of us. Including him. So you deserve to rot away your life.”</p><p>She turned, walking out. And ignored the cry of anger and frustration he let out, the bars ringing from the force of his arm slamming into them.</p>
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</div>It was weeks before anyone did more than give him food and use him for their own entertainment, and when Zarai stepped into Ozai’s cell again, he didn’t even bother turning.<p>“Fuckface.” He took a long swig from his bottle of cheap alcohol. “Nobody even cares about you anymore.”</p><p>He could hear Ozai’s reaction, even if he couldn’t quite see it. A growl, and probably a dip of his head.</p><p>“You’re going to be left to rot.”</p><p>“Shut the fuck up.”</p><p>“Why should I? I have all the power.” He drew out the ‘all’, grinning as Ozai stiffened. The room had stopped spinning as his anger had started to build. He was going to fucking do it. Nobody would be able to stop him.</p><p>“Only that spirits-damned airbender has power.”</p><p>“Oh, no, that’s where you’re wrong. I have power over you.” Zarai grinned, taking another long drink. It was almost gone, and then it would be just like his son. Broken and useless.</p><p>Ozai was going to fucking pay.</p>
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</div>“The Fire Lord and his friends have all gone to Yu Dao. There’s a big fat mess there, caused by the stupid fucking war.” Haircut hiccuped, and Ozai tipped his head toward him then. A drunk firebender was a dangerous firebender.<p>“I was a soldier, you got that right all that time ago. Whole fucking family was.”</p><p>Especially a drunk, angry firebender. And with Haircut’s words laced with that much venom, he was furious. Ozai carefully got up, turning to face the guard. He swayed in place, mostly empty bottle still in hand, his eyes burning holes in Ozai.</p><p>“My father, and his father, and his father before him. And my son, he was a little younger than Lu Ten. A little older than Zuko.” Haircut finished the bottle with a final swig, throwing it against the floor. The bottle shattered, shards flying everywhere. Ozai tracked the largest one, keeping in his mind where it landed.</p><p>“He was ecstatic to serve his country. Got trained up. When he came home in his first set of armor, I had the audacity to be proud of him.” Haircut laughed, it climbing to be borderline hysterical before he finally stopped, fixing Ozai with that stare again.</p><p>“His name was Shoka, and he was part of the 41st.”</p><p>Ozai’s blood ran cold as Haircut charged him. He ducked under the sweeping arm, diving for that piece of glass to even the odds. The bottle’s neck had also stayed mostly intact, so while the large jagged piece went to his right, the shattered neck rested easily in his left.</p><p>“You killed him, Ozai. Him and all of those soldiers.” Haircut’s hand was on fire, and Ozai was reminded that only one of them had range in this incredibly small cell.</p><p>Ozai ducked under the fire jet, swiping at the guard’s hip, where the armor would be weak. Haircut just skipped back, nearly tripping.</p><p>“I’m going to kill you. You authorized that attack, that diversion. And when your own fucking son spoke out against it, you burned half his face off.” He darted in, forcing Ozai to back up over the leftover bottle. He hissed in pain, faltering to one side, and Haircut used the hesitation to grab a fistful of hair in his right hand, shoving Ozai down. His left was wreathed in flames, and Haircut took a moment to admire it.</p><p>“What did you say to him? ‘Suffering will teach you respect’? It was something like that.” Haircut turned to him again, smiling when he saw the fear in Ozai’s eyes. He could smell the alcohol on the guard’s breath as Haircut leaned in, grinning wildly. “Time for a taste of your own medicine, you fucking bastard.”</p><p>Ozai tried to writhe away, but Haircut was faster than he could fight. So Ozai screamed, and he burned, before the world went fuzzy as his head slammed crispy-side down onto the stone. His last coherent thought was how he never got to say goodbye to Hakoda before the blackness overtook him.</p>
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</div>The palace would always feel strange without his children there, Hakoda supposed. Katara and Sokka had gone off to help relations with the Earth Kingdom while he was wrapped up in meetings, and he hadn’t had time to even check up on Ozai. But he was finally free today, and so he wandered down to the now-familiar cell, ignoring and yet making note of how the guards were extra hostile, one even sneering at him as he let Hakoda in. That one, he remembered. That one had broken Ozai’s leg.<p>The smell hit his nose first, and he recoiled, before he realized that Ozai was just laying here, broken glass surrounding him. It clinked as Ozai shifted, lifted his head, and Hakoda froze. A burn stretched across the right side of his face, his eye swollen shut, larger than Zuko’s scar was. Ozai’s other eye was glassy, his forehead slick with sweat from the infection that had clearly taken hold. Muddled recognition filled Ozai’s face, and he smiled, the burn stretching in what Hakoda was sure was a painful manner.</p><p>“Hakoda... I thought I’d never see you again.”</p><p>Hakoda watched as Ozai pushed himself up to his hands and knees, swaying even then from the pain, sitting back on his heels with a crunch. Hakoda didn’t want to think about the glass that was probably being driven into Ozai’s skin as he whipped his elbow into the nearest guard’s face and snatched the key ring, pulling out the only one that kept Ozai from fucking medical attention. He unlocked the door with shaking hands as the guard recovered and shouted for backup, Ozai just watching with a faraway expression. Hakoda gingerly scooped the injured man up, shoulder-checking the snarling guard who had every possibility of being the one who hurt Ozai. And he ran, the keys still jingling in his hand, Ozai’s head thumping against his chest with every step.</p>
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</div>Hakoda was here. Such a wonderful vision, Ozai thought. He had seen Iroh, and a healthy Azula, a happy Ursa and an unscarred Zuko and even Lu Ten, but he hadn’t seen Hakoda yet. He was beginning to worry that the man wouldn’t show up in the rotating cast.<p>But he had! Hakoda was here, and he had even hallucinated getting picked up and held and carried. It was such a nice feeling. The man had such strong, warm arms. Ozai wondered if he'd ever get to hold Hakoda close, realizing he probably wouldn’t. He was going to die in this cell, cold and alone, burning up and surrounded by the ghosts of his family.</p><p>He knew for certain he was hallucinating when they barreled through the door at the end of the hall, and my what a convincing one it was. He could even feel the warmth of Hakoda’s arms and chest as he burned with fever, too hot and oh so cold all at the same time, his senses fried as red and black swirled in front of him, fire dancing at the edge of his vision.</p><p>He could hear and feel someone laugh, maybe Iroh? He didn’t sound alright. He sounded sick and crazy, like that one time they found that berry bush and Iroh started hallucinating after eating some. Azulon hadn’t punished the Crown Prince much that day. Only rolled his eyes and frowned at Ozai, who hadn’t even touched them, and told him off.</p>
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</div>Hakoda ran from the guards, from the prison, Ozai burning up in his arms. He was muttering things that Hakoda couldn’t even begin to understand, reacting to things only he could see and hear. Dread coiled in his stomach as he could only hope he hadn’t found Ozai too late, that he could still be saved.<p>He yelped as fire blasted past him, scorching him a little, before he turned and ran in a different direction, up through the palace. Shouts of surprise surrounded him as nobles saw him belting past, the few who got a good look at who he was carrying watching on with indecipherable expressions. Ozai’s guards were still hot on his heels, and Hakoda prayed that he would make it to the infirmary in time as he skidded around a corner. He nearly slammed into the wall as he kept running, feet pounding the hardwood floors in desperation. Just a little bit farther, he knew, right at the next turn and then past the Fire Lord’s office.</p><p>He caught a flash of Zuko’s face when he sprinted past, the confusion and then anger, pressing on faster when Zuko roared Hakoda’s name and started after him. Three more turns. Two more turns. One more turn. Don’t slow down, spirits forbid don’t trip or stop, and count your breaths as you run from a giant polar mole mother whose nest you had disturbed.</p>
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</div>His father swam into Ozai’s vision, face twisted in anger. His hair was white then black then gray then all of them, all at once, three Azulons shouting down at him. The laugh was still going. His throat hurt. Maybe Iroh could make him some tea? He asked about it, but there was no answer. Maybe Ursa had been right. Maybe Iroh had been lying to him.<p>He saw Zuko, scarred and regal. Ozai was horizontal, but different. He was on his back, tight binding wrapped on his hands and feet and knees, and soft and warm draped over and around him, a fire dimly lighting the edge of his vision. Ozai turned to look, and it turned blue, taking over the room. He watched as Azula burned it all to ashes, cold and calculating and telling him how worthless he was with Azulon’s voice. He threw his own choice words back, still despising the man. He couldn’t fault Zuko for that, at least. It was almost a family tradition at this point. But he still hoped Zuko would be a better father than he had been. The family deserved some happiness in it again. Breathe it back in, he begged Zuko, breathe the happiness Iroh and Lu Ten had back into the royal palace.</p>
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</div>Zuko watched Hakoda run past, a blue blur with his father’s guards after him. The confusion at the noise melted into anger as he realized what was going on.<p>“Hakoda!” The name came with fire, and he sprinted after Hakoda, furious. He had trusted the chief, and now that trust was being betrayed. He knew exactly why Ozai was locked up, and Zuko had trusted Hakoda to keep it that way, not help him escape. At least Zuko was gaining, just a little bit longer and he could take them down. Arrest Hakoda for aiding in a war criminal’s escape. Plan out what he was going to say to Sokka and Katara. He pushed his stride as far as the Fire Lord robes would allow and snarled at the fear he could see in Hakoda’s eyes when he looked back.</p>
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</div>“Just hang on a little longer, okay? We’re almost there.” Run through the courtyard, skirting the fountain. Glance back at the gaining teenager. Swallow hard and push faster, dammit he was too old for this. Green armor flashed ahead of him. Shit. The Kyoshi Warriors were, thankfully, not right in front of the infirmary, so he bolted down another hallway. He had to quickly weave around the startled servant, and he breathed a small sigh in relief hearing Zuko swear as the woman was bowled over, her laundry going everywhere.<p>Hakoda didn’t know how much longer he could keep this up. His lungs and legs and arms were already burning, and every time he felt himself starting to falter, he had to consciously push faster, knowing that he may have not quite been thinking clearly. But when he had seen Ozai on that cell floor, he hadn’t seen a former genocidal dictator. He had seen a hurt, broken man who needed help.</p><p>Zuko was breathing down his neck, the heat nearly burning him on its own. But he was almost there, just one more turn, and thank the spirits the way was clear and the door was even open.</p>
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</div>“Suki! Cover the exits!” Zuko skidded past his friends, swearing and apologizing as he ran into the servant. He could see the nearest one straight ahead, but Hakoda was getting tired, slowing down before pushing himself faster and faster. Zuko knew it was just a matter of time before he tripped up, quite literally. And he was nearly within grabbing distance, just a few more steps.<p>And then Hakoda turned left out of nowhere, taking Zuko by so much surprise that in his effort to keep up, he slammed into the wall. He was stunned for a few seconds, leaning up against it until his head cleared again. When Zuko looked up, he saw Hakoda disappearing into the infirmary, before the door slammed shut. Muffled orders came from behind it, and the door was locked. Zuko stood up straight, narrowing his eyes, as he strode towards the last place he had expected Hakoda to take Ozai.</p>
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</div>Hakoda laid Ozai down on the bed the healers directed him to, stepping back and watching them descend on him like hawks. He glanced at the door, making sure it was locked like he had asked, knowing it wouldn’t hold back the tide of anger for long. And so he stood at the foot of the bed, arms crossed, as the handle jiggled, before Zuko’s voice was projected, albeit muffled, through it.<p>“As your Fire Lord, I command you to open this door.”</p><p>The head healer glanced at Hakoda, before turning back to the door. “Before I let you enter, young man, remember your manners.” She went over and unlocked it, standing before Zuko, glaring at him as much as Hakoda was. And Zuko stared right back at him, golden eyes hardened in anger.</p><p>“You better have a damn good explanation as to why you broke the greatest criminal in the nation out of his cell.”</p><p>“When was the last time you visited him, Zuko?”</p><p>“Before Yu Dao. Which, might I remind you, still isn’t resolved and I should really be working on that, not chasing my father and his accomplice halfway across the palace!”</p><p>“He was hurt. Bad. A guard got to drinking.”</p><p>“So? They’re allowed a certain amount of free range.”</p><p>Hakoda couldn’t take it anymore. He marched up to Zuko, grabbed his collar, and dragged the Fire Lord, the teenager, to Ozai’s bedside.</p><p>“Does that look acceptable at all to you?” He hissed in Zuko’s ear, furious.</p><p>Zuko didn’t reply.</p>
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</div>Was this what he looked like after the Agni Kai? What he had smelled like? Zuko couldn’t quite believe what he was seeing, charred flesh melted over itself, the burn far, far worse than his own.<p>“I saved his life, Zuko.”</p><p>“Why didn’t you just come and get me?”</p><p>“You said it yourself. You let them have free range.” Hakoda pulled back, eyes stormy.</p><p>Zuko realized he and his father might not be so different after all, and he turned away to vomit.</p>
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</div>His son had dissolved, and Ozai’s face was wet. Was he crying? He couldn’t quite recall. His eyes didn’t burn. And only the one side of his face was damp, the side that it had felt so good to press into the freezing stone, the side that was aflame every time he moved his face. He asked the dark shapes above him, but there was no answer, only soft shushing noises that brought with them warm hands and the memory of his mother and father comforting him after a fall. He had been so young. Before his father and mother grew tired of him, and began to hate him and hold him up to his brother’s light. He had always been 'not enough' for them.<p>Hakoda’s voice rang out around him. Telling him not to give up. Not to die. Ozai clung to that voice and rode it, through the murk that his world had been for who knows how long, until he slipped back into the blissful darkness once more.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Bit of a shorter chapter this time. It worked better shorter, at least the way I wanted it to work.</p><p>A small note about the Ozai sections after his burn: He's not exactly lucid or even anywhere close, so those are supposed to have a weirder timeline to the rest. He's not exactly processing much of anything after all.</p><p>Edit: Shhh I didn't miss some words, not at all.</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Chapter 5</h2></a>
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    <p>Hakoda leaned forward, still exhausted from his palace sprint a few days before. Ozai was laying on the bed in front of him, face and cuts bandaged. He watched the other’s chest rise and fall, the only visible sign that Ozai was still even alive, in an almost meditative way. After the healers had gotten the infection under control, it hadn’t changed its rhythm, steady and unfaltering. It gave Hakoda hope. Hope that his frantic rescue mission hadn’t been for nothing.</p>
<p>Ozai wasn’t very inspiring, right now. He had been moved from the infirmary to a random guest room, the breeze stirring the curtains across the room from him. And he hadn’t so much as sighed, so all Hakoda could do was wait. At least Ozai’s guards had been traded out for ones Hakoda trusted more, the Kyoshi Warriors. Two were standing right inside the door, watching both of them closely. Hakoda mostly ignored them. He really only cared about Ozai.</p>
<p>He still couldn’t believe that he was actually becoming friends with Ozai.</p>
<p>He didn’t turn as the door opened, someone stepping in. Ursa’s voice was damn near ice.</p>
<p>“You really think he doesn’t deserve this?”</p>
<p>“Did you just come here to insult a man who can’t even hear you?” Hakoda turned to glare at her. </p>
<p>“No. I came to convince someone else to pull himself away from this monster.”</p>
<p>“You don’t know him, then.” Hakoda turned back to Ozai.</p>
<p>“I know him best. He was cruel, unloving and unfeeling.”</p>
<p>Hakoda thought back to the man sobbing on his hands and knees, his throat raw as he grieved for his daughter and himself. “No, I don’t think he is.”</p>
<p>“Don’t come crying to me when you get burned, Hakoda.” With that, she left. And Hakoda just kept watching the rise and fall of Ozai’s chest.</p>
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<p>Fire flickered behind Ozai as he stared at the twin phoenixes, their shimmering feathers alight. Red and blue swirled around each other, coming closer and closer as they fought for dominance, before breaking apart and speaking to him.</p>
<p>“You should give up. None of them will ever forgive or love you anyways.” His own voice hissed at him from the red one, full of rage and pain.</p>
<p>“I gave you a second chance. Please, don’t waste it. Don’t listen to that voice in your head.” Hakoda’s was distorted. Weak. Wrong.</p>
<p>“I don’t... I don’t want to choose. Not right now. Just give me some more time, okay?” Ozai stepped back as the red one snarled.</p>
<p>“You have had all your life. Look at the path you have chosen, and look where it got you! You were going to be king of the entire world!”</p>
<p>“What got you into that cell?” The distortions smoothed out, and suddenly, all he could see was the tattoos of an airbender.</p>
<p>“My failures as a father.”</p>
<p>“They were weak. Foolish.”</p>
<p>“And, perhaps, my failures in leading.”</p>
<p>The red phoenix roared, charging and consuming him.</p>
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<p>“Hi, Hakoda!” Aang floated into Ozai’s room, wearing his trademark grin. He stilled a little when he saw Ozai, Hakoda watching his chest.</p>
<p>“No. Out.”</p>
<p>“What? Why?”</p>
<p>“Because if he wakes up, it’s not going to be pretty.” Hakoda crossed his arms, turning to glare at Aang. It took a good chunk of his willpower not to instantly shy away.</p>
<p>“But you said he’s good now.”</p>
<p>“He’s not good, exactly, and I mean in a different way.”</p>
<p>“Well, I’m sure I can handle whatever happens.” Aang settled down on the edge of Ozai’s bed, his staff laid over his crossed legs. He really just hoped that him and Ozai could smooth things over, and then they could maybe be friends. Or at least friendly. Ignoring Hakoda’s irritated sigh, he settled in to wait.</p>
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<p>Ozai shifted, screwing his face up a little. Pain shot through the right side of his face, and he took a moment to piece together that night, Haircut pressing a burning hand to his face, grinning maniacally. Had he looked like that too, he wondered for a fleeting moment, before slowly cracking an eye open.</p>
<p>The Avatar’s grinning face hovered over him.</p>
<p>Instantly rolling off the bed and away, he spotted a nearby mirror, slamming his elbow into it to shatter it. Glass flew everywhere, and he grabbed the largest shard he could in his left hand, ignoring the way it bit into his skin. Aang jumped back as he pointed it at him, staff at the ready. Behind him, Ozai could see Hakoda rocket up to standing, moving between him and the guards.</p>
<p>“Get the fuck out, Avatar. Right now.”</p>
<p>“I was just hoping we could talk thi-”</p>
<p>“Get out!” He swiped with his makeshift weapon, forcing Aang back. He wanted the Avatar gone, and he wasn’t above hurting him to do it. He was already a prisoner, what were they going to do to him that was worse?</p>
<p>“Please, won’t you listen? I just want to talk!” The Avatar sounded desperate. Why did the fucker want to talk now?</p>
<p>“I don’t.” Ozai tried getting closer, but was just sent flying by a gust of wind. Slamming into the wall, he gasped, sinking to his knees when gravity started working again. He got up, swaying, just in time to see Hakoda bodily shoving both the guards and the Avatar out before slamming the door. Ozai sunk back down, letting his back thump against the wall.</p>
<p>“Let me see your hand.” Hakoda walked over, his voice soft, and gently pried his fist open. Ozai watched as he carefully removed the glass that had sliced his palm and fingers open. The thin coating of blood was easily cleared away, and Hakoda gently wrapped his hand up to match his right.</p>
<p>“There we go. Now, let’s get you back in bed, the healers will have my neck when they see you’ve been up moving around.”</p>
<p>Ozai jerked back from Hakoda’s help standing, unsteadily climbing to his now-stinging feet. “I can get myself back there just fine, thank you.” But he didn’t move, leaning on the wall, trying to press the panic back down while his head started to spin. Hakoda just waited next to him, watching as he took one shaky step after another, agonizing minutes passing before he sunk back onto the bed with a sigh. Ozai put his head in his hands, recoiling when pain flared under his bandage, before more gingerly resuming the position. The mattress sank under Hakoda's weight as he sat next to him.</p>
<p>“I tried to get him out earlier, before you woke up. Fucking punk wouldn’t listen.”</p>
<p>“Thank you.” Ozai hesitantly leaned on Hakoda, freezing when he felt the man’s arm move. But he soon relaxed into the embrace, the warm weight helping settle the fear in the pit of his stomach.</p>
<p>“How are you?”</p>
<p>“I feel like shit.”</p>
<p>Hakoda rubbed his back comfortingly, and it was like it sent lightning through him, filling him with a warmth he didn’t think possible after his firebending had been taken. It still didn’t quite touch that coldness, but it wrapped around it, keeping it company.</p>
<p>“Well, you’re past the worst of it, so that’s a plus. If Katara can make it back in time, she can minimize the scarring.”</p>
<p>Ozai snorted. “Do I even deserve that?”</p>
<p>“Of course you do.”</p>
<p>Ozai lifted his head. “My son didn’t have that.”</p>
<p>“No, I didn’t.” Zuko’s voice caused him to jerk his head to the door, which was now housing the Fire Lord leaning against the frame. The guards stood behind him, watching Ozai like hawks. “But that’s not why I’m here. You attacked Aang.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked away, his gaze settling on the broken mirror. He didn’t bother answering, knowing whatever he said wouldn’t be good enough.</p>
<p>“Yeah, he did. So what? You would have done the same if you woke up to Ozai in your face.” Hakoda’s retort dripped with anger that actually gave Ozai pause. Was he not actually a horrible person for his reaction to the Avatar?</p>
<p>“You can’t possibly tell me he was scared. Seri and Gesho told me that he looked pissed.”</p>
<p>“I’ve seen my own men get irrationally angry when they return home from war. I’ve seen that look that he had before. He wasn’t angry in his core.” Hakoda pulled Ozai a little closer, the latter shifting to rest his head on Hakoda’s shoulder. “You should know, Fire Lord. I know you react in the same way.”</p>
<p>Long moments of silence passed, presumably as Hakoda and Zuko stared each other down. Ozai just let his eyes, eye, slide shut, exhaustion washing over him.</p>
<p>“He still needs rest. And no more Avatar.”</p>
<p>Another quiet beat, and Zuko sighed. “Fine. I’ll see what I can do. And I do want to talk to him about a few things.” The door shut a few moments later, weapons clinking against armor as the new guards took up their positions again.</p>
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<p>“Maybe we should tie him to the bed. Prevent something like this from happening again.”</p>
<p>The casual statement made Hakoda’s blood boil a little. “That is not how you treat war-shock.”</p>
<p>The girl on the left shrugged. “You can’t actually believe he’s war-shocked.”</p>
<p>Hakoda looked down at the dozing Ozai, fighting the temptation to run his hand through the other’s silky black hair. The healers had washed it and trimmed it a little, and Hakoda adored how soft it was, brushing against his cheek.</p>
<p>“I don’t believe it. I know he is.”</p>
<p>“He was in one battle!”</p>
<p>“One is all it takes.” Hakoda thought back to his own nightmares, a mix of Kya and the war, death piling on death. And he had made it out physically and spiritually intact. He couldn’t imagine what it was like for Ozai.</p>
<p>“I’ve been in battle before. It’s not that bad.” The girl on the right chimed in. “In fact, it was kind of exciting.”</p>
<p>“War isn’t exciting.” Hakoda’s voice was biting, and he turned to glare at them. “War is bloody, and horrible, and I have nightmares not just about my wife and my men, but the men of the other side, dying slowly, painfully. Of having to kill to keep secrets and to keep safe. I will never get used to it.”</p>
<p>Left snorted. Hakoda thought she might be Seri. “He certainly had no qualms about it.”</p>
<p>“You’re right, he didn’t.”</p>
<p>“See? We should just tie him up.” Maybe-Gesho piped up, lifting some rope. “I even already have some supplies.”</p>
<p>“If I was a firebender I would burn that.” Hakoda glared, the guard just shrugging and putting it away.</p>
<p>“Whatever floats your boat, dude.”</p>
<p>Hakoda grit his teeth and let Ozai reposition on him to get more comfortable.</p>
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<p>“Hakoda. What a treat to have you in my office nowadays.” Zuko’s voice was dry, and Hakoda sighed at the thinly-veiled jab. Zuko wanted him to understand his displeasure.</p>
<p>“I wanted to talk to you about your father.”</p>
<p>“Mm.” Zuko raised an eyebrow. He had seen Hakoda’s desperation firsthand. There was something beneath the surface that was going on. And frankly, while he wasn’t in the market for a new stepfather, he was more worried that Hakoda had gotten too emotionally invested.</p>
<p>“He needs help. Of the sort you’re trying to give Azula.”</p>
<p>“Are you calling my father crazy?”</p>
<p>Hakoda sighed. “No, I’m calling him war-shocked.”</p>
<p>Zuko scoffed, rolling his eyes. He sat back, crossing his arms. “I thought you wanted to talk about something important.”</p>
<p>“This is important!”</p>
<p>“How is he war-shocked? He enjoyed everything he did.”</p>
<p>Hakoda stared ineffective daggers at him. Katara and Mai had both perfected that look long ago. And he was more afraid of Katara’s, after Yon Rha. The fact that Katara disliked using bloodbending, at least without a good reason, was one of the only things that tempered it.</p>
<p>“I’m serious. I’ve seen people react the way he does, back in the tribe. Even when they’re angry, they’re really just afraid.”</p>
<p>“And you think he’s afraid of what, exactly?”</p>
<p>“Aang, for one. Wouldn’t you, after what he went through? A nonconsensual removal of something so integral to you?”</p>
<p>Zuko looked away, his jaw hardening. “He deserved it.”</p>
<p>“I’m not saying he didn’t. I’m asking you to just cut him some fucking slack. Give him a chance to heal.”</p>
<p>“Heal from what? You heard as well as I do that his chi’s never going to be unfucked.”</p>
<p>Hakoda threw up his arms in defeat. “You don’t believe me, fine. Maybe you would if you saw that fear like I do.” With that, he walked out, heading back to keep an eye on Ozai. Zuko watched him leave, those last words swirling around his brain. Maybe he should go see what Hakoda talked about for himself.</p>
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<p>“You saved my life.” Ozai sat against the headboard, eyes on Hakoda. The other man was kneeling next to him, dabbing the medical cream on his face as gently as he could. Ozai was just grateful that there was a numbing agent in it, because even through that the uneven pressure of Hakoda’s fingers was almost enough to make him flinch on instinct. And not being able to see anything but vague light made it worse. Never quite knowing when the next touch would come, burning at first before the cold from the cream sunk into the wound.</p>
<p>Hakoda was quiet for a long time, focused on his task. “I couldn’t just leave you there. In that filthy cell.”</p>
<p>“I didn’t think it was real, at the time.” Ozai kept watching him as Hakoda sat back, adjusting so he was more comfortable.</p>
<p>“You were hallucinating pretty badly, even after I brought you to the infirmary. Kept talking to people who weren’t there.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked away, having an inkling of the sort of stuff he said. Spirits, he wished that Hakoda hadn’t heard some of it. Begging his father for love like a dog.</p>
<p>“Hungry? I could get us some stuff from the kitchen.”</p>
<p>Ozai nodded, and Hakoda rebandaged his face before heading out. The guards stepped into the room, watching him as he watched them. There was something about Braid that he almost recognized, as if he had known her before all this had happened. Her voice was vaguely familiar, ringing faint bells in his head, but he was coming up with nothing.</p>
<p>The other, he had overheard them calling her Captain. She was one he regarded with a certain amount of respect. Stance like someone who knew how to fight, and he might have hesitated to fight her even with his bending, these days at least. There was something about her that told him to expect the unexpected.</p>
<p>“If you think you can take us down, you’re sorely mistaken.” Captain was the speaker, crossing her arms. Ozai laughed.</p>
<p>“I think a breeze could still knock me over. But forgive me if I don’t quite trust the people assigned to keep me here.”</p>
<p>“You trust Hakoda.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked away, scowling faintly. “Hakoda is different.”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
<p>“He did more than hurt me.”</p>
<p>Long beats of silence, before Captain tossed a deck of cards at him, dragging a table and chair over. “You know how to play dou dizhu?”</p>
<p>Braid squealed, clapping, before rushing over and grabbing her own chair. “I do! And it’s a three-player game.”</p>
<p>Ozai pulled the cards from the box, shuffling without taking his gaze off of Captain. Voice neutral, he started to deal. “I do. It was, unfortunately, my father’s favorite game.”</p>
<p>Braid winced in the corner of his eye. As if she knew the backstory, whereas Captain just raised an eyebrow. Ozai picked up his cards, scanning them over. Not the best hand, but not the worst. He could work with this.</p>
<p>“Go ahead and bet, Ozai.” Braid saying his name pushed her closer to his memories, he knew he had known her before.</p>
<p>“Two.” He watched them both, wondering how they would bet.</p>
<p>“Two.” Captain’s eyes drilled into him, so much so that he nearly missed Braid’s mischievous smile. It reminded him of Azula’s.</p>
<p>“Three.” She flipped the three cards dealt to the middle before taking them.</p>
<p>“He did more than hurt you?” Captain played as she talked. Ozai recognized the move, get him comfortable, so he would talk. Couldn’t hurt to let them know the menial things, what they’d already know.</p>
<p>“You should know as well as I do that I’m quite incapable of doing this to my own face, and my son doesn’t have the spine to hurt me himself.”</p>
<p>“Oh, I think he does.” Braid chimed in, smiling.</p>
<p>“Couldn’t even do it when I was at his mercy.”</p>
<p>“That’s because he’s a decent person.” Captain won, the deck was reshuffled, and play started up again.</p>
<p>“Yeah, yeah, I know I’m shit.”</p>
<p>“You really are. Fucked up both Zuko and Azula.” Braid sighed wistfully.</p>
<p>“You knew her.”</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t recognize me? I guess the makeup would make it kinda hard.” She flashed him a wide smile. “I’m Ty Lee. One of Azula’s former friends.”</p>
<p>Ozai’s stomach turned uncomfortably, and he refocused on the game. Another couple of rounds went by, quiet except for bids and cards hitting the table. “Is she okay? Or at least, going to be?”</p>
<p>“We hope so.”</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for Hakoda to come back with komodo chicken, Ty Lee going back by the door so he could step in and play. Captain was still holding her own, and strangely, became more relaxed as Hakoda settled down. She flashed him an easy smile, chatting and joking like they were old friends. Ozai wondered how they knew each other. And if, since he was friends, of a sort, with Hakoda, if she would grow to at least tolerate him too.</p>
<p>As he laid back that night, staring up at the ceiling, he wondered if he would ever see his daughter again.</p>
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<p>It took days for Ozai to actually have the clearance from the healers to get out of bed for longer than a bathroom break. Katara still wasn’t back by then, so he waited until night had fallen to step out and experience the outside for the first time since the war had ended. Stars glittered high above him, and for what may have been the first time ever, he stopped to truly appreciate them. A nearly-full moon hung in the sky, bathing his skin in silver light. His balcony looked out over the city, and beyond, the bay, lanterns tracing the main road down. Dark smears of ships dotted the water, their outlines revealed by gaps in the reflected moonlight. There were the Fire Nation merchants, and a couple of navy ships, but ones he had never seen before also cut into the night, and he leaned against the railing as he wondered where they might be from. Zuko had spoken many times about the cooperation of the nations, so perhaps they were Water Tribe, and even Earth Kingdom ships?</p>
<p>Ozai listened to the calls of the nighttime creatures, drinking in the sounds and smells. The scent of the ocean just barely carried all the way up, in a way that he had ignored all his life but that he took clear note of now. It reminded him of trips to Ember Island, first with his parents, and then with his own family, Zuko helping the stupid animals on the beach.</p>
<p>He remembered that day, of diving beneath the waves to save his son. The small jolt of fear he had felt knowing Zuko could have died had he not acted. So where had he gone so wrong? When had he become the monster he so despised? He tried to trace Zuko’s childhood, but he found he remembered shockingly little. Just telling the boy he wasn’t good enough, needed to try harder, bend better. How many times had he been angry? He tried to think of just once, being patient with Zuko, but there was nothing. Just a burning frustration that the boy wouldn’t work enough at his bending. And then the Agni Kai, that spirits-forsaken Agni Kai. When he took a flame to his son’s face for talking out of turn. He had grown careless, sloppy, callous. Cruel.</p>
<p>His mind drifted to his other relationships at the time. Iroh had been distant ever since Lu Ten died. Ursa was long gone, back home to her lover. Azulon was thankfully gone, Ilah far longer than him. He had been alone. And, looking back, he realized he had been hurting, hurting from everyone rejecting him time and time again.</p>
<p>It wasn’t an excuse, but it was a reason. He could work with that. Figure out how to be better... Somehow. And he would. He would for Hakoda. The man had barely left the entire time he was healing, even helping through the migraine that had just started to lull earlier that day. Really, Ozai was only left alone with his guards at night, and while he had been expecting to find the man’s presence tiring and draining, it had quite the opposite effect. He looked forward each day to seeing Hakoda, and had even started to think of ways to draw that handsome, stunning smile out more. Ozai celebrated the laughs even more, the sound full and rich and something he would never get enough of. He rested his chin on his hand, allowing a small smile on his face.</p>
<p>“We need to talk.” Ozai turned around to see Zuko, his smile having dropped as he leaned back again. He crossed his arms, regarding the Fire Lord as the Fire Lord regarded him.</p>
<p>“So talk.”</p>
<p>“You attacked Aang without provocation.”</p>
<p>Ozai growled. “Him being in my face was provocation enough.”</p>
<p>“How?”</p>
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<p>Zuko glared at Ozai, not believing he let Hakoda talk him into this. Or really, that he had actually made this decision himself.</p>
<p>“How about you go ask him to take your bending, and see how you feel?” Ozai snapped, glaring right back.</p>
<p>“That can’t be all.”</p>
<p>“It isn’t.” Ozai pushed off the railing, stalking right up to him. Zuko wanted to reflexively step back, but he held his ground, instead lighting a hand on fire. He tipped his head back just enough to keep his eyes locked on his father’s, narrowing them in a challenge.</p>
<p>“Back off, or I’ll finish the job Zarai started.”</p>
<p>Ozai snarled. “Look at you. Given an ounce of power and you fall prey to being a monster, just like the rest of us. Good on you, carrying out the family legacy.”</p>
<p>“I said back off.” Zuko raised the flame, and Ozai growled before stepping back. And there it was, that small flash of fear buried beneath the rage. Hakoda was right.</p>
<p>It didn’t take him long to douse the flame, and Ozai waited a few seconds longer before turning back to watch the ocean. Zuko lingered a little, trying to find something to say. He simply left, pausing at the door to tell Ozai that Iroh was visiting him tomorrow.</p>
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<p>Movement drew Ozai’s gaze towards the door. A dark figure was slipping in, and belated he realized what had woken him up. The thuds of bodies hitting the ground, and he scrambled out of bed as a knife whizzed by his face. It thudded into the headboard, quivering, and Ozai rolled to the side to avoid the next attack, getting to his feet and sliding into a defensive stance. It was awkward to keep his attacker in his left eye, but he really didn’t have much choice, as the assassin darted in with a swipe, Ozai dodging away from the knife. He threw a solid punch, connecting with the face under the cloth mask, their head whipping to the side before hate-filled eyes turned on him, the person feinting for his left before going right. Ozai cursed, feeling the fist connect with his ribs with a painful crunch. </p>
<p>He had to end this soon, or it would be ended for him. He kept dodging, looking for an opening, and when he cornered them, he threw his whole weight behind his punch, their head snapping back and hitting the wall with a crack. Their body sank to the ground, and Ozai slowly followed, unwilling to walk the ten feet back to his bed. It seemed so far away, and he was still weak from the burn. Not to mention that the attacker had slashed open his leg. No, staying right here really did seem like the best course of action.</p>
<p>Sleep, however, refused to come, and not because of the ache and pain. He had slept through plenty of it in prison, from burned skin to broken bones to the aftermath of the guards having their way with him. No, his thoughts had turned to other matters, like Azula and Iroh and Hakoda.</p>
<p>Ty Lee and let it slip that Azula was here. In the palace. Ozai wanted to see her, if just for a minute, to make sure she was indeed still alive. Maybe he could help fix her. It was worth a shot, he supposed, and part of him wondered if he had really fucked Azula up that much. She had to still love him, right?</p>
<p>Iroh did. He knew Iroh did. His brother always had a kind smile for him, one Ozai didn’t deserve, one he wanted to scoff at, one that filled him with a feeling of security and safety that he hadn’t had since he was a child. Roh was coming tomorrow, Zuko had said, and Ozai was too tired to be surprised at himself when the childhood nickname slipped into his thoughts. He was too tired to lock his box again, to lie and tell himself he was alright, that he didn’t want his big brother back, keeping him safe with that warm smile. No wonder he had won Zuko over.</p>
<p>As Ozai was finally relaxing enough to sleep, as the sun was peeking into his room, his thoughts turned to Hakoda. The man who had given him a second chance, who was willing to stand by his side and defend him against the Fire Lord and the Avatar. Ozai couldn’t believe he had gotten lucky enough to see that side of the man.</p>
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<p>Wiping shaking hands on his robe, Iroh watched his brother’s chest rise and fall, dead to the world. He was injured, a pool of blood soaking the makeshift bandage Ozai had clearly tied on himself. Iroh had known something was wrong when Ozai’s guards had been unconscious in front of his room, but he was hoping, oddly enough, that Ozai had escaped. Not this.</p>
<p>He went over to the other body, confirming they were alive before checking Ozai over more thoroughly. His breathing was off, broken ribs most likely. Bruises here and there, but nothing more serious. He gently lifted his brother, depositing him back on the bed.</p>
<p>He froze in his turn when he heard Ozai speak. “Roh...” But when he looked over his shoulder, his brother was still fast asleep, evidently unaware of the shock he had just given Iroh.</p>
<p>He hadn’t heard that nickname in decades. And now, it had just slipped from between Ozai’s lips. Even if it was in sleep, Iroh couldn’t believe what he had heard.</p>
<p>He scooped up the other body, walking out with it to get them in custody and questioned.</p>
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<p>“There’s been three more attacks in the past week, Zuko.” Iroh’s voice was soft.</p>
<p>“And what would you have me do, Uncle? I can’t stop them. I’m not even sure if I want to.” Zuko crossed his arms.</p>
<p>“Well, I have a solution. I could take him to Ba Sing Se. Have him work in the tea shop.”</p>
<p>“Like King Kuei is going to accept having a criminal in his fucking capital.”</p>
<p>Iroh chuckled, smiling. “He’s already had things of the sort. And anyways, I will keep an eye on him.”</p>
<p>Zuko rubbed the bridge of his nose. “I can’t stop you, can I?”</p>
<p>Iroh’s eyes twinkled as he grinned. “Not one bit.”</p>
<p>Zuko sighed. “I’ll let the Kyoshi Warriors know the assignment is changing.”</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Chapter 6</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Cool water moved over Ozai’s face, Katara’s expression focused. He could see the glow out of the corner of his eye, shining back on her face, before she pulled away and tossed it over the balcony.</p>
<p>“That’s the best it’s ever going to get.” She stood, brushed herself off, and walked out. Left next to him was Hakoda, who simply sat and let him be. Standing, Ozai walked over to the still-broken vanity, leaning on the table portion as his fractured reflection stared back. From a distance, some might not even notice how his flesh stretched and bunched in all the wrong places, the scar trailing down his neck. Ozai lifted a hand to trail over the pockmarked skin, quietly marveling all the same at how well Katara had managed to heal him. Take a few steps back, tip his head just so, and the damage was hidden in shadow, his skin one uniform color to hide the extent of the injury.</p>
<p>He watched in the mirror as Hakoda stood up, stopping a little behind Ozai and crossing his arms. There they stayed, making eye contact in their reflections.</p>
<p>“She did alright.” It was the best he could muster, his skin pulling as he spoke. His face still ached, and Ozai wondered if it always would. Another pain to add onto the list.</p>
<p>“High praise, coming from you.” Hakoda put a hand on his shoulder, spun him. Ozai fought the urge to smack the hand away and retreat as Hakoda’s gaze wandered over his face, locking his own eyes on those ocean-blue irises, pretending that he wasn’t more uncomfortable by the second. Forcing himself to relax, and if he ignored Hakoda’s faint smirk, so what? Even if it made him that much more handsome. The fleeting thought of how he was cursed to want things he couldn’t have, at least not for long, crossed his mind before Hakoda stepped back, let him have his own space again. Ozai took the opportunity to sit back on the chair placed on the balcony for him, stubbornly turning his gaze out to the water.</p>
<p>He had been right, that night he first saw the ships. Earth Kingdom and Water Tribe ships were nestled next to the Fire Nation ones, sails next to coal and firebending engines. Hakoda had pointed out his small vessel one day, just big enough to weather the storms out at sea. Ozai wondered what it would be like, to sail with a man who had practically been born on the water, before he shook his head clear and dismissed the thoughts. He wasn’t allowed to have what he wanted, he reminded himself. Not without a price. And he dreaded to think of what it would be this time.</p>
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<p>Hakoda watched Ozai, unable to keep a soft smile off his face. He’d never admit it to Zuko, he liked living thank you very much, but he had fallen hard for Ozai.</p>
<p>No wonder he had run halfway across the palace to save him.</p>
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<p>“I’m taking you to Ba Sing Se.” Iroh sipped his tea, listening to his brother choke for a second before coughing.</p>
<p>“What?” Ozai croaked. “Zuko is allowing that?”</p>
<p>“More like Zuko cannot stop me.” Iroh smiled. “I am still the Dragon of the West, brother.”</p>
<p>“So why are you doing this?”</p>
<p>Iroh grinned at that, delighting in the minor fear Ozai displayed. “Why, I need a new tea shop worker, of course!”</p>
<p>Ozai groaned, his head dropping into his hands. “Anything but that.”</p>
<p>“Well, your stay there would be kept secret, of course. Hush-hush. Can’t have the public knowing a war criminal is loose.”</p>
<p>“...Fine. I’m in. But only because I’m not going to be facing death every night.”</p>
<p>Iroh cackled, sipping his tea. And if he saw a smile behind Ozai’s scoffing, he told nobody.</p>
<p>“So tell me! How are you?”</p>
<p>Ozai grinned slyly. “I got Ty Lee to get me some sake.”</p>
<p>Iroh grinned right back, producing twin cups. “She did so per my request.”</p>
<p>Ozai poured the drink into the cups, gently picking his up and sipping happily. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>Iroh nodded. “I also had the chef prepare your favorite roll.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked taken aback, and then immensely pleased, the small smile still enough to light up Iroh’s whole world. What change had happened, just by showing Ozai a hint of the love and kindness he had been starved of his entire life. What could Ba Sing Se draw out of him, a place so far removed from all their childhood pain and trauma?</p>
<p>Iroh was determined not to fail his brother twice.</p>
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<p>Ozai hadn’t been in this office since the war ended, and it had been even longer since he had been on this side of it. At least Zuko looked every part the Fire Lord, down to the iron stare he was currently giving Ozai.</p>
<p>“No. You cannot see her. You wouldn’t even ask if you actually cared about her mental health.”</p>
<p>“I want to see my daughter, Zuko.” Ozai’s hands were firmly planted on the desk, in the sight of Zuko and all four guards around the desk. Hakoda stood off to the side, his face creased in concern. For who, Ozai had no idea.</p>
<p>“She still isn’t ready. Every time we think we make progress, something sets her back. And seeing one of the people who fucking abandoned her, after she did everything she could to please him? She would shatter, Ozai.” Zuko’s jaw flexed. “Half the time she sees Mother, she still breaks.”</p>
<p>He slammed his palm down on the table before he could stop himself, ignoring the way all four of the Kyoshi Warriors slid into ready stances. Angry tears pricked at the corners of his eyes. “Let me see her! It’s been over a year, Zuko. And I still have not seen her.”</p>
<p>“My answer is final.”</p>
<p>Ozai stood there for a few moments longer, wishing the power was reversed, that he didn’t have to beg his son to see Azula, that he had fini-</p>
<p>He whirled around and walked out before he could be done with that thought, the tears drying up as he went back to his upgraded cell, plush and comfortable and just as much of a prison. Ozai was supposed to be packing, but what was there to pack? He only had a couple sets of drab clothes that were truly his. They were an upgrade from his prison rags, for sure, but it was a far cry from the opulence that Zuko and the rest of the royal family enjoyed. And Iroh had mentioned offhandedly that they would be getting him new, Earth Kingdom style clothes anyways.</p>
<p>He shoved the building headache to the back of his awareness as he pushed his bed out of the way, effectively doubling the floorspace he had to work with. Captain and Ty Lee watched him, slightly more relaxed away from Zuko. Hakoda leaned against the wall, out of the way, as Ozai closed his eyes. Blocked all three of them out, pretended that he could still feel the flow of his chi, of his fire, and started practicing his katas.</p>
<p>He was rusty after months of disuse. The beginner forms were pitiful to say the best, and anything more complicated he tripped over his own feet on. But he kept running through them, imagining the fire that would shoot out with this punch here, that kick there, how it would swirl defensively in front of him now. And slowly, they became refined, climbing back up to his old perfection. It calmed him, working through the old bending forms, wringing out his anger and replacing it with a calm, of a sort. The rage was still there, but its threat to take him over was lessened, a whisper instead of a roar.</p>
<p>Hakoda stepped in at some point, and Ozai adapted. This part he was admittedly worse at, but every firebender learned at least a few basic moves to help if they were in too tight of quarters to properly bend. And if he had taken his melee instruction all the way through, well, nobody was going to stop royalty from learning what they wanted to know.</p>
<p>Block, parry, dodge, counter. They fell into an easy rhythm, trading practice blows. Hakoda could hit harder, but Ozai was a hair more agile. And he did his damn best to make it hard for Hakoda to work his way around to his blind side, rotating with him and protecting that side of his face a little closer. They danced around the room, spinning around one another, and Hakoda sidestepped his punch one last time before Ty Lee stepped in, flashing him a grin before delivering three rapid jabs to his arm.</p>
<p>Ozai raised an eyebrow with a small smirk, Hakoda temporarily replacing her as a guard. He was forced into an evasive style, dodging her attacks instead of blocking them, the ache in his head intensifying and lessening in waves as she landed a few good hits here and there. And when he could see Captain prepare to step in for a round, Ty Lee hit his chest.</p>
<p>The pain that roared up his torso, slamming into his head with no mercy, sent him right back to that rock for an instant. That pain was all he could be aware of, only faintly registering crumpling to the ground with shouts all around him. Later on, when he would recall the incident, he would swear that for long moments his heart had stopped from the shock. There was no relief, not even the sweet release of unconsciousness, just white-hot agony.</p>
<p>Ozai wasn’t sure how much time passed when the pain had crawled back enough to let other sensations through, cloth bunched in one hand while the other held onto a man’s forearm. Hakoda’s forearm. His forehead was pressed into Hakoda’s chest, eyes screwed up against the pain, Hakoda’s free arm wrapped around him. Ozai could feel the other’s chest vibrate, a soft sea song filling his ears. He sucked in a bracing breath before slowly pulling back, forcing his face to relax as Hakoda’s hand slid up to rub his neck absentmindedly.</p>
<p>“Hey there. You doing better?”</p>
<p>Ozai cracked his eyes open, relieved to see the room was dark, the only light peeking through under the curtains. He didn’t trust his voice, but he trusted moving his still-throbbing head even more, so talking it was.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” It cracked from pain, and Hakoda somehow rubbed his neck with more sympathy.</p>
<p>“Do you have any idea what happened?”</p>
<p>Ozai let that process for a moment, gathered his thoughts. “Already had the beginning of a migraine. Ty Lee hit where that bastard touched me to remove my bending.” Behind him, he could hear the shift of one of the guards, clearly taking offense to him calling the Avatar a bastard. “Whatever she does to block chi must have triggered a chain reaction.”</p>
<p>“That one was the worst, wasn’t it?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Do you want to get up?”</p>
<p>“Fuck no.” He rested his forehead back on Hakoda’s chest. “I want to stay like this while you sing that stupid song again.”</p>
<p>He ignored how the chuckle preceding the song would have made him smile in other circumstances. And soon, Ozai’s eyes slid shut as he relaxed, Hakoda’s quiet singing buzzing in his ears as he fell asleep.</p>
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<p>It was the day before they were set to leave, and Hakoda tied Ozai’s hands behind his back with an apology in his eyes. He was as gentle as he could be, and Ozai had a sneaking suspicion he could break out with minimal effort. A charade, then, the illusion of security, and it was made clear why it was done when Ursa stepped into the room.</p>
<p>“I don’t suppose you’re here to see me off, love.” He let his voice drip with sarcasm, not taking his eye off her.</p>
<p>“The scar suits you. Reminds the world how much of a cruel bastard you are.”</p>
<p>Beside him, Hakoda stiffened. Ozai ignored it, leaning back nonchalantly onto the pillows. “You’re still just as much of a bitch as the day you killed my father.”</p>
<p>“I was saving my son!”</p>
<p>“Did it save him to tell me that I was the worst person you had ever known, Ursa?” Ozai snapped back, meeting her rage with his own. “Did it help Zuko to tell me that you could never love me, simply because I was the prince? I gave you the world, Ursa, and you threw it back in my face!”</p>
<p>“I never wanted the world. I just wanted someone to care about me.”</p>
<p>“No, you wanted that fucking peasant.” Ozai spit out, leaning forward now, his eyes blazing with rage. “I gave you my whole heart, and you shattered it. You chose everyone over me, Ursa, just like everyone else did.”</p>
<p>“Why wouldn’t I? You were a monster.” She crossed her arms, chin lifting in that defiant way he knew all too well. In the early years of their marriage, it had been coupled with a smile. He hadn’t seen that smile since Azula was born.</p>
<p>“You were the one who rejected my gifts and my offers! You were the one who decided that the prince of your nation wasn’t good enough!” He was off the bed now, standing by its foot.</p>
<p>“Why should you be? You were only after heirs, Ozai.”</p>
<p>“I just wanted some fucking love!” His words hung in the air for long moments, before his voice turned bitter. “But everyone seemed to have a limited supply, back then. And I didn’t measure up.”</p>
<p>Ursa went to say something and then stopped, her jaw tight.</p>
<p>“Do you remember the Ember Island trips we took, how I would bend over backwards to make sure you were happy? The days I would spend hours planning a night at the theater, so we could have a night doing something the whole family would enjoy? Reenacting our favorite plays by the bonfire. I always loved you, Ursa. I never stopped loving you.” His voice had lost all its anger, leaving only the raw pain behind.</p>
<p>“Clearly you did stop loving me, Ozai. Look at who you’ve pulled into your trap now.” She turned and walked out of the room, leaving Ozai to sink back onto his bed, defeated.</p>
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<p>This wasn’t Ozai’s first time being on a ship. It made sense, Hakoda mused, after all, the Fire Nation was almost as much water as it was land. But what did surprise Hakoda was just how well he took to the sea, better than some of Hakoda’s own men would have. When Bato had been green around the gills, Ozai was sitting near the railing, watching the waves go by.</p>
<p>Iroh’s ship followed a more classical style, not wanting to be on another ship that reminded him of the war. Hakoda could understand the sentiment, and was more comfortable on the vessel that married Water Tribe and Fire Nation designs beautifully. And Hakoda was more than delighted to find out that Iroh had opted for hammocks instead of actual beds.</p>
<p>Ozai just raised an eyebrow upon seeing their sleeping arrangement. They were both in the same room, Ty Lee and Suki having been assigned to be the ones to travel to the city with them, to keep an eye on Ozai. It was the only way they were getting him out of the capital. Hakoda simply wished he could stay longer than a week, just long enough to get Ozai settled before he had to make his way back to the tribe.</p>
<p>He watched as Ozai dropped his one lone bag next to one of the hammocks, laying back with his left side facing the door. Hakoda didn’t comment, setting up his own bed before pulling out his carving knife and tiger whale bone and whittling away mindlessly. It was more to keep his hands busy than to really accomplish something. His eyes drifted to Ozai, watching the other man shift and sigh, relaxing more into the hammock, the scraping of knife on bone the only sound that filled the cabin.</p>
<p>After a few hours of sailing like that, Iroh poked his head in, smiling. “Care to join us for some entertainment above deck?”</p>
<p>“I’d love to.” Hakoda put away his supplies, standing and stretching. Ozai cracked his eyes open, giving Iroh a sidelong glance.</p>
<p>“What kind of entertainment?”</p>
<p>Iroh smiled. “If you come you’ll see.”</p>
<p>Ozai sighed, dragging himself up and exiting the cabin, the two guards falling into step after him. Hakoda wasn’t far behind, smiling when he saw the majority of Iroh’s crew up on deck, playing games and talking. Iroh led them to a small set of barrels they could use as seats, letting Ozai choose his first. Grateful, Ozai sat down on the one that let his scar face the ocean, the wind pulling at his hair as he rested his chin in his hand. Iroh then pulled out a small stringed instrument, a ruan, Ozai rolling his eyes.</p>
<p>“Still insisting you can play, hm?”</p>
<p>Iroh laughed. “If you think you can do better, by all means, go ahead.” He offered the instrument to Ozai, who scoffed even as he took it, plucking strings and carefully tuning. It wasn’t long before he was playing, the boat’s chatter and noise coming to a standstill as everyone realized which brother had started up the song. Ozai closed his eyes, ignoring the stares, the ruan’s melody carrying over the deck in a tune that was unfamiliar to Hakoda, but clearly only to him.</p>
<p>One by one, the crew started singing around them, sometimes with clashing words. A sailing song turned war song, and after the first chorus, Hakoda had picked that part up enough to sing along with the rest of the crew. It asked for safe travels and friendly ports, something Hakoda could intimately relate to. Ozai was the only one whose voice hadn’t joined the harmony, either because of concentration or another reason, Hakoda couldn’t say.</p>
<p>When it was done, and Ozai unceremoniously handed the instrument back, the conversations picked back up. Iroh smiles, keeping himself occupied.</p>
<p>“I did not realize you cared about the old traditions.”</p>
<p>“I don’t.”</p>
<p>Iroh just chuckled, plucking out a simple, sad memory. “Typically I am the one playing that song our first night on the water. Thank you for gracing us with your far superior talent.”</p>
<p>Hakoda caught the teasing tone, and by the side-eye Ozai gave Iroh, he could tell the other had too.</p>
<p>“I’m better with the flute.”</p>
<p>Iroh slyly smiled. “Well, it’s a good thing I brought one, isn’t it?” Iroh pulled it from his sleeve, and Ozai’s gaze was instantly drawn to it. He reverently took it, turning it over in his hands. Hakoda saw firelight glinting off the gold embedded in swirling patterns reminiscent of fire, carvings detailing it further.</p>
<p>“Mother’s flute... I didn’t realize you still had it.”</p>
<p>“I have kept it for far too long, brother.”</p>
<p>Ozai closed lifted it to his lips and began to play, his eyes sliding shut again. His body swayed in time with the music, Iroh adding embellishments here and there. Hakoda was awed, the way they had both fallen back into seemingly old habits, Iroh letting his brother have the spotlight while his was just the supporting role. A reversal from everything else in their childhood, from what he could discern from the bits and pieces Iroh and Ozai had told him. And the one time the brother’s eyes met, a fierce understanding went through them, one that caused tears to slide down their faces. Hakoda and even Suki and Ty Lee turned away, not wishing to intrude upon what seemed to suddenly be a private moment between them.</p>
<p>Hakoda could still hear them, though, and he caught Ozai murmuring thank you to his brother. He smiled to himself.</p>
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<p>Ozai was watching the moonlight dance on the floor of the cabin when Hakoda jerked awake, his breathing ragged. When it hadn’t calmed after a few minutes, Ozai slipped out of his hammock with a dull thud before making his way over to Hakoda, standing there and wondering what in the world he should do. He settled on sitting on Hakoda’s hammock with him, his arms raising in shock when Hakoda buried himself in Ozai’s chest.</p>
<p>“Fucking shit, they were just children.” His voice shook behind the muffled layers.</p>
<p>Ozai slowly settled his arms on Hakoda’s back, not sure what to say. “Who were?”</p>
<p>“All those soldiers. The ones I had to fucking murder.” Hakoda looked up at him, eyes wet. “They were Sokka’s age, and I murdered them.” He took in a shuddering breath, tears slipping out as he rested his head back on Ozai’s chest.</p>
<p>“I killed them because if I didn’t, they would have wiped out my men. So I rigged a trap and fucking crushed them.” He looked like he was about to throw up, but swallowed it back down, a fact that Ozai was secretly grateful. He didn’t want to deal with vomit.</p>
<p>“I can still hear their screams. Begging for their parents, begging for a quicker death. I had to snap some of their necks myself.”</p>
<p>“I... You said it yourself, Hakoda. You had to do it.” Ozai was not built for this. He had no idea what he was doing.</p>
<p>“I know.” He was still being clung to, and Ozai rubbed Hakoda’s back.</p>
<p>“It’s okay. Sometimes... Sometimes you have to make hard decisions in war.” He was echoing words spoken to him, and truthfully, looking back, some of his decisions had been hard. Not always for the right reasons, but if he was honest, the 41st wouldn’t have been his first choice either. Untrained children. Bait should be able to fight back in war.</p>
<p>Hakoda just nodded into his chest, still coiled like a rope under Ozai’s hands. So he did the one thing he could think of, something Iroh had done when he was a child and scared of the thunderstorms. He sang. And slowly, slowly, Hakoda relaxed under him, as he sang song after song, until he could hear Hakoda’s breathing shift and Ozai could confirm he was asleep. And when Hakoda unconsciously protested Ozai moving back to his own hammock, he sighed and settled down. Resigned to spending the rest of the night like this, he got as comfortable as he could. </p>
<p>Ozai made Iroh swear not to tell about how he had found his brother snuggling the Water Tribesman, dozing in the other’s hammock.</p>
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<p>Ozai was beyond grateful to have his brother standing next to him as he stared at the sprawling Earth Kingdom capital. The new green robes felt too stiff in some places, too loose in others, foreign to him. And while ‘Mushi’ was well-known to many people, even the train staff, his brother was a nobody. It was a strange mix of relieving and irking not to command attention just by existing, but he was leaning more towards the relieved side of the equation nowadays.</p>
<p>Iroh led them to his apartment in the Upper Ring, showing Ozai and Hakoda around the quaint little place before putting on the kettle. Ozai set his bag on the bed, not having much to unpack beyond the robes Iroh had given him and his flute. Hakoda, Suki, and Ty Lee were staying nearby, in the house that the Avatar and his friends often occupied when visiting his brother. Ozai hoped said Avatar had enough sense to stay away for the months he was supposed to be here.</p>
<p>When Ozai stepped out onto the balcony that overlooked the rest of the city, he leaned on the railing, watching the lights twinkle in the distance. For some strange reason, he looked forward to this. More time with his brother, time to relax and find himself. Ideas he would have scoffed at before Hakoda had come along. But then the Water Tribe chief had stepped into his life, and his entire worldview had been tipped on its axis. And he was finding he was quite enjoying this new outlook on life.</p>
<p>As Iroh brought him a cup of tea, he realized it was no wonder that his brother was so relaxed, and happy. The key was to nurture that care that had been growing in him, ever since he had found out what he had done to Azula. He wondered if either of his children would forgive him. Wondered if he even deserved forgiveness. And as he sipped the delicious blend his brother had come up with, decades ago, he let himself believe that he would be alright no matter what.</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Chapter 7</h2></a>
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    <p>He knew his brother’s tea was good, but he hadn’t realized so many people shared his opinion. And he completely understood why Iroh had needed another server, at least temporarily. He had told Ozai that the anniversary of the end of the war tended to make people flock to all sorts of shops. Ozai couldn’t quite believe it had been that long, personally. Almost two years locked in a cell, at the mercy of his guards, before they had pushed it too far. It eerily mirrored his own reign, he thought. He had risen to the throne, and then just about two years later, the Agni Kai. He wondered what other things he and his son had in common.</p>
<p>Iroh was happily chatting with the customers as Ozai deflected another comment about his face. The patrons of the tea shop only knew Iroh as Mushi, and similarly, Ozai was known as Lee. And a small part of him was pissed at Iroh for giving him the same false name that he had given Zuko. Whatever. It was at least believable. And The look on Zuko’s face would be priceless when he realized.</p>
<p>“Lee! Over here!” An overly-friendly customer waved him over, and he bit back a sigh. At least he didn’t have to pretend to enjoy it here. As soon as Iroh had seen Ozai’s strained fake smile, looking more menacing than anything else, he was instructed to at least try and look like this wasn’t the last place in the four nations he wanted to be in. Which, if he was being honest, Ozai could think of quite a few places he liked less than here.</p>
<p>“What can I help you with?” Ozai had tried a fake customer service voice exactly once, to similar results as a fake smile. He at least kept his voice neutral and decided that was good enough.</p>
<p>“Oh, I was just wondering how your son is doing. He’s such a troubled boy, and it looks like you two ran into the same spot of trouble with those firebenders during the war.”</p>
<p>“My son is fine. And it was far from the same incident.” Ozai ground out the words, comparing this place to prison. This place was the royal palace compared to there. He reminded himself of this fact. It was all that kept him sane.</p>
<p>“Oh, good! Well, tell him that ol’ Loshuo says hi.”</p>
<p>“I will.”</p>
<p>“And can you bring me the check, please?”</p>
<p>Ozai grabbed Loshuo’s check, collecting the few coins he paid for the tea before turning them over to the register. And this was his new routine, serve customers, take their money, drop it in a safe place before repeating the process, the dance overlapping with itself as he fell into a strangely comforting rhythm. Take orders, serve others, and collect the payment at the end of it all. Ozai was even, dare he say, efficient. He sucked at the conversation that customers wanted to have. Especially some of the nastier ones, who would see his scar and decide that gave them free reign to say whatever they wanted.</p>
<p>One group in particular seemed to have an issue with him, saying the tea wasn’t right, sending him back again and again, telling him that he was worse than his son. Hurled insults and near-hits, a foot thrown out on his right that he couldn’t see until he was flying, thankfully only with money in his hands. Every time he picked himself up, Ozai growled as the group laughed, Iroh swooping in before Ozai could make a scene with his deceptively sweet smile. And ‘Lee’ would go about his day, tense and angry, until Iroh tugged him into the back room, pushed a calming tea in his hands, and was told in gentle but no uncertain terms that he was to drink the whole cup and meditate until he wasn’t about to be the first person without bending to self-combust on the spot. So Ozai drank, and he meditated, before returning to the shop ready to work again. A tray would be pushed into his hands, he would set off, and he’d weave his way back into the fray, settling back into the dance.</p>
<p>He and Iroh would go home at the end of the day, Suki and Ty Lee trailing a couple of steps behind them. There had been a subtle, almost imperceptible shift in how his two guards were acting. They were very clearly still there to make sure he didn’t run off or attack anyone, but at the same time, they were friendly and open around him, if not to him specifically. Which is how he found out Suki was dating Hakoda’s son, and Ty Lee had been flirting with Azula’s other friend, the knife-throwing one. The image of those two together is not quite what he expected, but it wasn’t his business. If they wanted it, they could have it.</p>
<p>Sometimes, his mind would turn to Hakoda on the short walks home. How his eyes would sparkle right before he was about to tell a joke, or how he laughed, deep and full. His toned body, complete with just the right amount of pudge over his abs. Ozai had fallen in love with every inch of the man he had seen, which was almost all of it. Of course, those last few were the ones to make him blush, and when Iroh caught it with a knowing smile, Ozai swatted him playfully.</p>
<p>“You say anything to him, I will burn the next pot of tea you have me make.” Death threats, even ones made in jest, got him tackled to the ground. He had learned that one painful day on the boat. Thankfully, tea-related ones were just as effective, as horror and shock spread across Iroh’s face.</p>
<p>“You would never!”</p>
<p>“I would, don’t test me.”</p>
<p>Neither brother could keep a smile from creeping onto their face, but it was Iroh who laughed, clapping him on the back. “Don’t worry, little brother, your secret is safe with me.”</p>
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<p>Ozai kept low to the ground as fire roared over him, sweeping out with a kick intended to take Iroh down. Iroh jumped back and to Ozai’s right, aiming a jet of fire right for his brother’s face, who rolled to the side, getting Iroh back in view. He tried closing the distance, but Iroh stepped back just as efficiently, parenting him from doing so even with his longer reach. So he was forced to keep dodging fire, weaving in between the blasts as best he could. One fireball whizzed behind him, lightly scorching his left shoulder, before Ozai slipped into the opening made by Iroh needing to recover. Sweep his feet from under him and hold him under a fist.</p>
<p>“You’re getting better!” Suki called from the sidelines. “Iroh’s still going easy on you, though.” He caught the towel tossed to him, wiping his face.</p>
<p>“If he wasn’t going easy, I’d be burnt to a crisp. I may have the agility, out of the two of us, but he has the sheer power.”</p>
<p>Iroh grinned. “I wasn’t named Dragon of the West for nothing.”</p>
<p>Ozai tugged his hair free from the loose topknot, shaking it out with one hand. Most of his hair reached a couple inches below his shoulders, finally having grown out from the last time Haircut had taken a knife to it. The one exception was the hair on the right side of his head, which had been shaved down following his burn, and had grown into a soft down short enough to just barely brush his ear. With practiced hands, he pulled his hair back into a loose phoenix tail, letting it hang from the base of his skull before he got his shirt back on.</p>
<p>“Nice job.”</p>
<p>Ozai whirled around at the voice, a smile spreading across his face when he saw Hakoda. “Didn’t think you’d be here yet.”</p>
<p>“I made good time. How have you been holding up?”</p>
<p>“Alright. Tea shop drives me crazy, but it’s still better than before.” Ozai’s smile dropped, thinking of the dark cell and rough hands. He looked away, watching Suki and Ty Lee spar. They were a good matchup.</p>
<p>“Hey, better is good, yeah?”</p>
<p>Ozai nodded, taking a deep breath. “Mind grabbing my flute? It’s up in my room, but I can’t leave.”</p>
<p>Hakoda regarded him with a strange expression. Perhaps it was surprise? Nevertheless, he headed out and gently passed Ozai his flute, who began to play to pass the time. He watched Hakoda with half-lidded eyes, fighting a smile to preserve his ability to play. Hakoda was clearly enjoying the music, his hand tapping his leg in time, as he watched Suki and Ty Lee spar. And all Ozai could think was that the man was beautiful. One of his only friends. Depressingly, one of his longest. But Hakoda was, and that’s all that mattered. So he would play, let the music drift over the courtyard. Listen as Iroh joined in with a pipa, the notes rising like waves before crashing down, calm here, churning there. He stood, walking over to Iroh, around him as Iroh did the same. This was the hardest he had ever needed to fight his smile, he thought. Was this what happiness was like?</p>
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<p>Hakoda watched the two brothers dance around each other, realizing that he had never seen Ozai quite this relaxed. And the way that Iroh relished the light in Ozai’s eyes, it had probably been a very long time indeed since the younger prince had been anywhere near this happy. They ended with a bow to one another, Iroh laughing and clapping Ozai on the back. Ozai had a half-smile on his face, holding his flute in the arm that didn’t wrap itself around his brother. And then it hit Hakoda that Ozai was happy here. Happier than he had ever been, perhaps.</p>
<p>He stood, clapping. “Well done! What’s the song?”</p>
<p>Iroh beamed. “Why, it’s something Ozai himself wrote!”</p>
<p>Hakoda turned, seeing Ozai look away, a faint blush tinging his cheeks. “You did?”</p>
<p>“Of course he did! He’s quite the musician.”</p>
<p>“Iroh, stop it.” Ozai hissed, blushing more. Hakoda raised an amused eyebrow.</p>
<p>“Might I ask what the inspiration was?”</p>
<p>“You just did.” Ozai snapped, defensive all of a sudden. His hard gaze was fixed away from Hakoda. He watched as the other closed his eyes and took a deep breath, visibly forcing the tension out of his body. “And if you must know, it was the ocean.”</p>
<p>Hakoda smiled. “It was beautiful.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked back at Hakoda, startled. “Oh. Well. Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Now, Iroh, I was thinking of going to the festival in the Middle Ring tonight. If I promise to take full responsibility, will you free Ozai for one night?”</p>
<p>Iroh chuckled, shaking his head. “I cannot give him free range of Ba Sing Se without Suki and Ty Lee. However, I can ask them to stay far back.”</p>
<p>Hakoda grinned. “Thank you, O great Dragon of the West.” He gave an exaggerated bow, which drew another deep laugh out of Iroh.</p>
<p>“Just stay safe!”</p>
<p>Ozai groaned, gently shoving Iroh, as Suki and Ty Lee giggled behind their backs. “Don’t worry, we will.”</p>
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<p>Ozai stared into his closet. Was tonight supposed to be a date? And if so, what was he going to wear? He had a variety of clothes, some nicer than others, which was the entire problem. Back when he servants as Fire Lord, this decision was far easier. Tell them what he was doing that day and he was good to go. Now, he could choose everything from simple commoner’s clothes to elegant gowns, and he had to do it himself.</p>
<p>He settled on something in between, not quite the heavy, dramatic gowns reminiscent of his court apparel, but not a simple training outfit either. Soft, dark green pants, almost brown, that were loose and baggy. An emerald green shirt, and over it went a tan one edged in gold to bring it out in his eyes. A simple pair of shoes, sturdy and comfortable.</p>
<p>His attention soon turned to his hair, and he let it out of its tail to properly decide how he should style it. A high phoenix tail was an option, or a top knot, either Earth Kingdom or Fire Nation fashion. But something drew him to just leaving it as it was. He combed his hair all over to the left, letting the shaved side show, and regarded the look in the mirror.</p>
<p>Ozai liked it. So he kept it, stepping back to see if he might be able to add anything to his ensemble. Satisfied, he exited his bedroom, heading for the living room where Hakoda and Iroh were happily talking. Hakoda’s eyes landed on him and nearly trailed off, a soft smile spreading on his face.</p>
<p>“Damn, you clean up nice.”</p>
<p>“What did you expect? I’m royalty.” Ozai smirked, mock bowing. “Really, this is all Iroh’s doing. He’s the one with the knowledge of Earth Kingdom fashion.”</p>
<p>Hakoda was still eyeing Ozai, before he stood and walked next to him. “Unfortunately for you, I didn’t bring anything that fancy.”</p>
<p>“I think you look fine.”</p>
<p>Hakoda gave him a smile, and Ozai smiled back, just barely.</p>
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<p>Ozai was stunning. That’s all Hakoda could think, sitting next to him on the train. Suki and Ty Lee were roughly a dozen seats back, as far as they could get in the cabin. Giving them as much of a private afternoon as they could get. Hakoda was grateful, hoping he could finally work up some needed courage to take that first step.</p>
<p>Meanwhile, however, Hakoda leaned against the seat in front of him, watching Ozai gaze out the window at the Upper Ring as it passed by. His hair was soft and smooth, a black waterfall that captured light and kept it. Hakoda could imagine what it would be like to run his hand through, brush it aside to caress Ozai’s cheek.</p>
<p>When Ozai turned, catching him staring, Hakoda felt his face heat up as he straightened his posture. Ozai smirked, and Hakoda looked away, swallowing. Damn, he was beautiful.</p>
<p>“We should be arriving at our stop soon.”</p>
<p>Ozai hummed an acknowledgement, before leaning on Hakoda’s shoulder, a sly smile on his face. Which was inches from Hakoda’s, and he could feel his brain short-circuiting. Hakoda wondered if he was doing this on purpose.</p>
<p>“So, dear chief, what do you have planned for us?” Ozai purred, and that’s when Hakoda knew he was doing it on purpose, the little shit. And unfortunately for Hakoda, he was far too attracted to the man to be able to function well.</p>
<p>“Uh. I was, um, thinking about walking in a park, and then food and fireworks later.”</p>
<p>“That sounds divine.” And there was that small smile again, before Ozai pulled away again, leaving Hakoda craving more. </p>
<p>“I’m glad.”</p>
<p>Ozai leaned his elbow on his knee and watched Hakoda for the rest of the trip, mouth hidden behind his hand but his eyes full of mischief. And Hakoda was just falling harder and harder.</p>
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<p>Ozai looked over the park, gaze sweeping over the grass, trees, and pond. He could almost imagine turtleducks in the small body of water, splashing and playing. And before he really knew what he was doing, he set off for it, letting Hakoda follow him.</p>
<p>“Do you like it?”</p>
<p>“It’s passable.”</p>
<p>Hakoda laughed. “Wonderful. I was hoping you’d hate it.”</p>
<p>“...Truthfully, it reminds me of the palace gardens.” He sat at the edge of the water, leaning back on his hands. Glancing over his shoulder, he tracked where Suki and Ty Lee settled down, a little more to his right. He then turned his attention back to the pond, Hakoda sitting with his legs crossed.</p>
<p>“Good memories, I take it?”</p>
<p>“There were turtleducks.” He shrugged. “I never spent much time there as an adult. It was moreso Ursa and the children’s domain.”</p>
<p>Hakoda nodded. “You know, before I came to fight in the war, I had never seen a tree.”</p>
<p>“What? You’ve got to be kidding me.”</p>
<p>“It’s true! Down in the South Pole it’s just ice. I hadn’t seen many plants, in fact.” Hakoda looked over at him. “My mom had, though. She grew up in the North. Trees actually grow there.”</p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p>“Yeah. Only in one specific place, though. And then she saw a lot more when she traveled south.”</p>
<p>“Makes sense.”</p>
<p>They lapsed into silence, and Ozai shifted, bending his legs to more comfortably sit upright. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“Hm?”</p>
<p>“Thank you. For giving me a chance.”</p>
<p>Hakoda shrugged. “I don’t deserve to be thanked for that. It wasn’t even exactly intentional. I didn’t expect you to take me seriously.”</p>
<p>“Still.”</p>
<p>Another silence, accompanied by the breeze. Hakoda watched the pond ripple, and Ozai looked over at him. Wishing he had the courage to ask him out, kiss him, do anything more than tease him. Tell him he was actually interested rather than just play with him. And maybe he would, drawing in breath to tell Hakoda just how much he meant to Ozai, before Hakoda got up with a groan, cracking his back.</p>
<p>“I’m getting hungry, we should get going to find some food.” Hakoda extended a hand to Ozai, helped him up, and like that the moment was gone. He was sure he even imagined the lingering hold Hakoda had on him, before pulling away and leading him off again. “Come on, I heard of a place I think you’ll like.”</p>
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<p>Hakoda watched Ozai devour the sushi, smiling. He had found out it was Ozai’s favorite food back in Caldera City, when he had walked in on Iroh and Ozai visiting. There had been six rolls on Ozai’s plate to Iroh’s two, and they were disappearing at roughly equal rates. And when Hakoda had reached playfully to take a piece, his hand had been smacked away with a growl, Ozai pulling his sushi closer protectively. Iroh had simply laughed and offered his plate, which Hakoda gratefully took from.</p>
<p>Today, Hakoda was sure the sushi was disappearing at an even faster rate, Ozai positively inhaling the three rolls he had gotten. Hakoda was barely into his one, and Ozai had eaten about half his meal.</p>
<p>“Are you even tasting it?” He lightly teased, smiling.</p>
<p>“Of course. It’s fucking amazing.” Ozai barely slowed down, and Hakoda chuckled. He watched Ozai with a small smile on his face, resisting the urge to brush a stray strand of hair out of his face. Soon, Ozai sat back, eyeing Hakoda’s roll, his own plate cleaned.</p>
<p>“Here.” Hakoda gave him a couple of pieces, watching as Ozai descended on them like a hawk.</p>
<p>“You got the Water Tribe roll, right?”</p>
<p>“Yep. It’s got imitation sea prunes and everything.”</p>
<p>“Fucking love this.” He sat back again, clearly content now.</p>
<p>Hakoda laughed, finally finishing up his roll. “I’m glad you enjoyed it.”</p>
<p>He almost took Ozai’s hand when they exited, but the other tucked his hands behind his back, and Hakoda tried not to feel like his chance was slipping away. He still had the fireworks show.</p>
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<p>They were pressed against one another, warding off the cool air that was starting to pierce the warm summer air. The sun had just set, and they had settled into the crowd, ready to watch the fireworks.</p>
<p>Ozai resisted the urge to burrow more into Hakoda. For one, it wouldn’t actually help him feel warmer, not in the way he’d like, and for two, he didn’t want to inadvertently drive Hakoda away. Especially because that would cut the people he trusted to be on his right in half.</p>
<p>He gasped when the first mini bomb lit up the sky in a brilliant display of blue, splitting off into a million little sparks. Another soon followed, green this time, before one that crackled and sizzled spiraled around. He wondered if a firebender like his brother could imitate them, and resolved to tell Iroh everything he could remember about the fireworks. This, this is what he wanted his bending back for. The lights and colors dazzled him, leaving impressions on his eyes against the inky night, and he gave in to that urge to lean more into Hakoda like a lovesick teen. He didn’t care anymore.</p>
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<p>Hakoda wrapped an arm around Ozai, watching the fireworks light up his face. Childlike awe and wonder was plastered all over it, a grin wider than any Hakoda had seen on him plastered on his face. His eyes reflected back mini versions of the fireworks, each color bathing in warm, molten gold.</p>
<p>It was now or never, he thought, as he pressed a kiss to Ozai’s cheek, right where the edge of the scar was.</p>
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<p>Ozai’s brain had stopped working when he felt the soft press of something against his cheek. He turned to see Hakoda, who pointedly looked away.</p>
<p>“Did you just...?”</p>
<p>“I... I’m sorry, I won’t do it again.”</p>
<p>Ozai watched Hakoda stumble over his words, still processing what just happened, before he gently turned the other’s head to look him in the eyes.</p>
<p>“You kissed me.”</p>
<p>“...Yeah.”</p>
<p>“Spirits, I thought I was the only one.”</p>
<p>Hakoda sat for a minute, still, before he slowly smiled. “You mean...?”</p>
<p>Ozai went in for his own kiss, ignoring the voice that told him he wasn’t allowed this, that there was a price. He had been happy in Ba Sing Se without a single thing going wrong so far. He could have this. He wrapped his arms around Hakoda’s torso, one hand bracing itself on Hakoda’s upper back.</p>
<p>Hakoda’s lips were soft and warm, and Ozai stayed there for a few heartbeats before pulling away, grinning back. Fireworks lit up his peripheral as he pressed his forehead to Hakoda’s, his eyes squeezing shut against the sudden rush of tears. He loved Hakoda, and while he still couldn’t say it to his face, he knew the other understood, as Hakoda’s hand trailed up into his hair, the other hand holding Ozai close.</p>
<p>“I love you, Ozai.”</p>
<p>Another firework went off above them as they kissed again, each cradling the other close.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>This on was fun to write. Pure, tooth-rotting fluff.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Chapter 8</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ozai muffled a groan in his pillow, his head throbbing. He had hoped he had imagined the pain last night, but it was here in full force this morning. And unfortunately, it was a work day for him. So he dragged himself up and shuffled to the closet, squinting against the light. Most of his migraines up until this point had blissfully coincided with days he already had off, but this one had hit right on time for him working. He was tempted to ask Ty Lee to chi block him, but that would also take away his ability to work, so sucking up the pain it was.</p>
<p>He pulled on his clothes agonizingly slowly, trying not to disturb the careful balance he had with his head. The idea of pulling his hair into a topknot made him want to riot, so he got it out of his face with a phoenix tail instead, loose and low. Ready as he was going to be for the day, he stumbled out into the living area, where Iroh was preparing their morning tea.</p>
<p>When the jovial chatter his brother always greeted him with felt like getting hit with a rock to the head, he knew that today was going to suck. He gave a vague grunt as a response, barely noticing Iroh slow down and take him in. Ozai just sipped his tea, blinking in confusion as it was gently taken from him.</p>
<p>Iroh’s voice had dropped to just above a whisper, so he could actually understand him, thank fuck. “You look like you need something stronger.”</p>
<p>“Migraine.” Ozai muttered the word, letting his head sink into his hand. Massaging the right side of his head, he grimaced at the pull of skin that was already too tight.</p>
<p>“What level?” After the first one, they had come up with a system for his pain. One was the lowest, and five was the highest. Five was what Ty Lee had accidentally triggered back at the palace, and Ozai was grateful he had never had another five day since.</p>
<p>“Three, edging on four.”</p>
<p>Iroh hissed in sympathy, pulling out painkillers along with the blend he had come up with to ease the ache on days like this. “You should stay home.”</p>
<p>“You’re understaffed as it is, what with Shan and Haalo out sick.”</p>
<p>“And you’re sick too.” Iroh pressed the new tea into Ozai’s free hand, who drank it in a few large gulps, grimacing at the taste. It was effective, though, just enough to make him somewhat functional.</p>
<p>“Don’t you delight in my pain or something?”</p>
<p>“Only when it’s not actually serious.” Iroh set a plate of food in front of him. “Eat that while I go get Hakoda.”</p>
<p>Ozai’s protests fell on deaf ears, and he shoved the food around with a scowl. He was fine, he just needed some time to work through the pain.</p>
<p>He hadn’t realized they had come back to Iroh’s place until Hakoda’s arms wrapped around him. Ozai carefully tipped his head back, eyes closed, to rest his temple on Hakoda’s cheek.</p>
<p>“Eat, and then we’re spending today at home.”</p>
<p>“Gotta work.”</p>
<p>“Iroh has already given me express instructions not to let you leave the house.”</p>
<p>Ozai grumbled as Hakoda pulled away just enough to free Ozai’s arms, so he could eat the spiced rice and veggies. Iroh had at least given him a small portion, knowing how pain wrecked his appetite, and today even the sight of food made his stomach churn. Once he was done, Hakoda gently scooped him up, tugging his hair out of the phoenix tail. Ozai protested, wiggling out of Hakoda’s arms.</p>
<p>“I can walk.” He scowled up at Hakoda. Oazi was not a short man, not at all, but Hakoda edged him out by mere inches.</p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p>“I am fine, thank you very much.” Right as he finished, however, a wave of nausea hit him hard, and he doubled over, bracing himself against the wall as he puked up what little breakfast he had managed to consume.</p>
<p>“Right. Sure you are.”</p>
<p>“I should clean that up.” Ozai stood up again, swaying, but before he could make his way to the cleaning supplies, Hakoda placed a firm hand on Ozai’s shoulder and directed him back towards his bedroom. When Ozai shied away from the light, Hakoda pulled the thick curtains closed, casting the room into cool, quiet darkness. He let the other guide him to the bed, his resolve crumbling in the relief the darkness brought him. Sighing softly, he sat down, leaning against the headboard. Hakoda left, the only light in the room shining out from under his curtains and around the door, before he slipped back in, sliding next to Ozai and wrapping his arms around Ozai.</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>Ozai rested his head on Hakoda. “Hey.”</p>
<p>“You done fighting me?”</p>
<p>“Mm. Maybe.”</p>
<p>Hakoda chuckled softly, the sound rumbling in his chest. “Ah, too bad for you. My schedule is free, so I have all day to hold you captive.”</p>
<p>“How horrible.” Ozai’s eyes slid shut.</p>
<p>“A terrible fate indeed.”</p>
<p>“Well, as long as we’re here, you might as well entertain me.”</p>
<p>“Did I ever tell you about the time Bato got a fish hook stuck in his thumb, twice, as a grown man? We were out on the sea...” Hakoda’s voice washed over him, lulling him to sleep, safe in the other’s warm, soft grip.</p>
<p>The smell of food roused Ozai, his nausea picking back up as he groaned softly.</p>
<p>“Can you do me a favor, ‘Koda...?”</p>
<p>“Of course.” A hand was running through his hair, calming, grounding.</p>
<p>“Can you ask my brother to just make me some plain rice?”</p>
<p>“Way ahead of you there. He poked his head in a bit ago to see how you were doing, and I told him that you couldn’t keep anything more substantial down.”</p>
<p>Ozai nodded, hissing quietly as the pain spiked at the motion. Hakoda just held him close, one hand buried in Ozai’s hair.</p>
<p>“I got you. I’m right here.”</p>
<p>Ozai’s eyes slid shut yet again, and the next thing he knew, a bowl was gently being placed in his hands.</p>
<p>“Good to see you resting.” He could hear the soft smile in Iroh’s voice. “Take care of him, you hear?”</p>
<p>Ozai slowly ate the rice, leaning against Hakoda. The other man gently pressed a kiss to his cheek, and Ozai smiled softly.</p>
<p>“Someone’s affectionate.”</p>
<p>“Better get used to it. I’m going to be so affectionate.”</p>
<p>“Mm.” </p>
<p>Another kiss pressed to the top of his head. “Finish your rice, and then you can sleep some more.”</p>
<p>It took a while longer, but Ozai did, setting the bowl on the bedside table. Hakoda then helped him lay down, pressing close with one arm draped over Ozai.</p>
<p>“I’ll be right here, okay?”</p>
<p>Ozai kissed him softly, smiling. “Yeah.”</p>
<p>And for the second time that day, he fell asleep in Hakoda’s arms.</p>
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<p>By the time Ozai had recovered enough for Iroh to deem him fit for work again, Hakoda had left Ba Sing Se for a short while, leaving him feeling strangely incomplete. He went through the motions of serving during the day, staring out at Ba Sing Se at night. They hadn’t been an official couple, far from it, but the time he had spent with the other man had felt so much better and more alive.</p>
<p>So he tried to resettle into the happiness he had found before, and was mostly successful. Work at the tea shop, spar with Suki, Ty Lee, and Iroh, and drink tea. Occasionally get forced to take an unplanned day off. The routine became its own comfort, and even if he missed Hakoda so much it ached, he could deal.</p>
<p>What he couldn’t deal with, at least not quite as well, was the group of three that kept harassing him at work. Iroh was on the verge of banning them, thankfully, but they had persisted in making his life hell.</p>
<p>It was a rare day that Ozai was working while Iroh was off that it all came to a head. The typical insults and taunts were thrown his way, before the only one that had ever made him completely stop in his tracks dropped from their lips.</p>
<p>“Ashmaker.”</p>
<p>Ozai turned, staring two of the three down. “What did you call me?”</p>
<p>“Are you deaf as well as blind? Ash. Maker.” The main sneered, sitting back. “It’s obvious from your eyes, you fucking bastard.”</p>
<p>“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”</p>
<p>“Come on, we all know old Mushi is a bender! And if you’re really his brother, then of course you are too.”</p>
<p>“I’m not.” His anger bled into his voice as his heartbeat picked up. Where were Suki and Ty Lee? Sometimes they helped defuse situations. He looked away from the table, looking for them, and that’s when the punch came, straight to the right side of his jaw and knocking him over. He was slammed into another nearby table, teacups rattling and patrons gasping in shock. A crash sounded in his ears.</p>
<p>Ozai growled, turning to face the three. Pain radiated from where the punch had connected, probably at least bruising his jaw, but he was practiced in ignoring pain at this point.</p>
<p>“You want to fight? Let’s fucking fight. Courtyard behind the shop, right now.”</p>
<p>“You’re on, old man.” The two who hadn’t gotten up shoved their chairs up, following him and jeering. Ozai settled down into a defensive stance, gaze flicking over them. One, two... Where was number three?</p>
<p>He grunted as the rock slammed into the arm that was protecting his right side. He had raised it instinctively, and he knew that if he hadn’t, he’d already be out cold. He shifted, moving so he could see all three of them. He painfully flexed his fingers, trying to banish the ache in his forearm.</p>
<p>“You got anything better, or are you just a one trick pony?”</p>
<p>He was not expecting the ground to be yanked from under him, sending him crashing down to the ground. The air was knocked out of his lungs, and he gasped, fighting for breath.</p>
<p>“Oh, we very much aren’t, ashmaker.”</p>
<p>Ozai rolled away from a rock that crashed right where he had just been, growling. He forced himself to his feet. He needed to take out the earthbender, and then he could fight the other two in hand-to-hand combat. He tried to get over, but the earthbender simply slammed a rock right above his ankle, sending him down hard with a cry of pain. And without the ability to run, he was fucked.</p>
<p>They descended on him like lion vultures, and Ozai just curled in on his chest to protect his organs, kicks and rocks descending on his exposed back and side. Some even found their way through his defenses, but none hit that crucial point. Nevertheless, Ozai knew he was going to have some bruises by the time Iroh’s voice rang out over the courtyard, furious.</p>
<p>“What the absolute fuck is going on here.” The young men swore and tried to scatter, but Ozai heard someone running before bodies hit the ground. Ty Lee must have been with him, he faintly realized as hands pulled him up. Ozai gave his brother a crooked smile as his ability to ignore pain stretched thin over multiple injuries. Iroh’s fury melted into worry, and he ghosted his fingers over what Ozai was sure was a bruise.</p>
<p>“What did they do to you, brother... Can you walk?”</p>
<p>“I can try.” Never mind the fact that his leg was most definitely broken. He sucked in a painful breath, working his way to standing before nearly collapsing again. Suki was quick to step in to support him, eyeing his leg.</p>
<p>“You’re not walking anywhere, not on that. Ty Lee, come over here and help me with him.”</p>
<p>She bounced over, grinning. “We’ll make sure you get fixed right up!” She slipped under his left arm, Suki gently handling his right.</p>
<p>“We’ll get him to a healer, Mushi. You take care of those three.” Ozai watched his brother’s face harden again as he turned to the three men who had attacked him before Suki and Ty Lee helped him hobble out and back to Iroh’s place.</p>
<p>“Next time, get us.”</p>
<p>“Couldn’t see you. The one punched me when none of you were in the shop.”</p>
<p>Suki sighed. “What happened, after you went into the courtyard?”</p>
<p>“One of them was an earthbender. Without my bending... Fucking useless. I couldn’t even get near them.”</p>
<p>Suki winced in sympathy. “Yeah, that’s something you need to actively train for, against each bending type individually.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>Suki and Ty Lee eased him down onto Iroh’s couch, helping him out of the more fancy robes and into simpler clothes that would be easy to treat his injuries with.</p>
<p>“Ty Lee, make sure he stays put. We don’t need him aggravating that break.”</p>
<p>Ozai grumbled. “It’s just a sprain.”</p>
<p>Suki raised an eyebrow, nudging the point where all the swelling was concentrated with the tip of her boot. Ozai gasped in pain as the bones shifted painfully, and she raised an eyebrow.</p>
<p>“I felt your bones move. It’s broken.”</p>
<p>“Whatever.”</p>
<p>Suki reiterated her instructions to Ty Lee, who turned on him with a wide grin.</p>
<p>“I’m not afraid to use force if I have to.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, I know.”</p>
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<p>A few hours later, Iroh watches his brother doze on the couch, his injured leg propped up. A cracked rib, bruised jawbone, sprained wrist, and broken leg. He was unequivocally down a server for the next few weeks. But the more important thing was that Ozai was still alive, that they had arrived in time.</p>
<p>As if sensing his thoughts, Ty Lee and Suki shared a look with him, hints of guilt written on their faces. It was their job to watch Ozai, and while it wasn’t for his protection, they had still become lax. They trusted him, after seeing so much of him actively improving his life.</p>
<p>Zuko would remove them instantly if he knew. So all three of them came to a silent agreement not to tell that one particular bit of the story, if he would ever even find out.</p>
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<p>“How have you been, Zuko?” Iroh put on a pot of tea, smiling at his nephew. Zuko had swung by Iroh’s apartment as soon as he had arrived in the Upper Ring, just like always.</p>
<p>“Stressed. Are you sure you don’t want the throne?”</p>
<p>“Positive. You handle it so much better than I do.” Iroh winked, pouring him a cup.</p>
<p>“Wonderful.” Zuko sighed, relaxing as he sipped the tea.</p>
<p>“So where are you planning on staying?”</p>
<p>“Your guest bedroom, of course.”</p>
<p>Iroh shifted. “Ah. Well. You’re welcome to the couch.”</p>
<p>“Funny.”</p>
<p>Iroh sighed. He hadn’t been looking forward to this. “Your father is currently occupying the guest bedroom, Zuko.”</p>
<p>Zuko’s face hardened. “You promised me that I could always have the bedroom when I came.”</p>
<p>“He needs it. You can take the couch.”</p>
<p>Zuko threw up his arms. “Fine. Whatever. What’s for dinner?”</p>
<p>“Sushi.”</p>
<p>“His favorite, huh.” Zuko scoffed, sitting back. “Got it.”</p>
<p>Iroh sighed again, sipping his tea. “He is not the same man who burned you, Zuko.”</p>
<p>“Whatever. I don’t want to talk about it.”</p>
<p>Iroh’s eyes flicked up at motion behind Zuko. Ozai was in the doorway to his bedroom, leaning on his crutch. He watched Zuko, face carefully neutral, before making his way to the kitchen. </p>
<p>“Zuko.”</p>
<p>“Father.” Zuko’s voice was full of venom, and Ozai sighed softly.</p>
<p>“How was your trip to Ba Sing Se?”</p>
<p>“Fine.”</p>
<p>Ozai nodded, sipping the tea Iroh set in front of him.</p>
<p>“So who did you piss off? Suki or Ty Lee? Maybe Hakoda? My bet is on Suki.” Zuko regarded Ozai, making Iroh prickle.</p>
<p>“Knock it off, Zuko.”</p>
<p>Zuko shot him an angry look, but Ozai’s relief was palpable. Iroh set out the rolls, tucking into his own. They ate mostly in silence, any conversation between Iroh and Zuko tense and stilted, whereas Ozai had entirely stopped responding even to Iroh.</p>
<p>Zuko was the first up, stretching, plopping on the couch with a loud exaggerated sigh. “Guess I’ll sleep on the couch.”</p>
<p>When Iroh came out in the middle of the night to get a drink of water, he saw a different body uncomfortably arranged on the couch. Sighing, he carefully scooped Ozai up, huffing at the ridiculousness of his nephew, making him carry his brother. Ozai was a foot taller than him, long and lanky. But he managed, watching as Ozai relaxed a little more on the more comfortable bed. Iroh made one more trip to deliver the crutch, leaning it within easy reach, before taking the couch himself.</p>
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<p>Ozai blinked up at the ceiling, confused as to how he got here. It wasn’t the ceiling of his bedroom, nor was he on the couch. He slowly sat up, mindful of his ribs, before realizing he was in Iroh’s bedroom. He slowly got up, making his way out to an argument in full swing. A pleasant surprise was Hakoda, who hurried to his side and was instantly fretting over him. He made his way to the couch, sitting next to Suki who was cooly watching the proceedings. Hakoda squeezed in on his other side, and Ozai quietly intertwined their fingers together.</p>
<p>“He is hurt, Zuko! He needs more than the couch.”</p>
<p>“A couch is better than what I got after the Siege of the North, and you know it as well as I do!”</p>
<p>“And this is my house. You do not make the rules here.”</p>
<p>“You promised me the fucking bedroom! Am I not worth it anymore? Is that what it is? You fixed me up and discarded me?”</p>
<p>“Zuko!” Iroh’s face showed clear hurt.</p>
<p>Suki then stepped in. “How about Ozai sleeps with us for a few days? Then everyone has a bed.”</p>
<p>Not a bad suggestion, as long as the airbender’s touch wasn’t visible in the house.</p>
<p>Zuko turned to see her, catching sight of Ozai in the process. “You mean the Avatar's house? Where the Avatar stays, when the Avatar is in Ba Sing Se?”</p>
<p>Ozai’s heart rate picked up, and he shrank a little into the couch. He didn’t need a reminder of who owned the damn place. He could see Ty Lee perch on the arm of the couch, whisper something in Suki’s ear, but he didn’t catch what. Her eyes were on him, big gray ones full of worry. And then Suki was standing, grabbing Zuko’s arm and demanding his attention.</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up, Zuko.”</p>
<p>“Oh, why, are you on his side too? Did you forget that he tried to take over the world and needed to have his bending taken away?”</p>
<p>Ozai couldn’t get away. He couldn’t go run through katas, he couldn’t even easily just walk out of the room. He could feel Hakoda press into him, hear him murmuring stupid stories about his other friends, his family.</p>
<p>“Katara once caused my wife to fall on her ass, it was hilarious.”</p>
<p>“Whatever.”</p>
<p>“You want to hear the full story?”</p>
<p>Ozai simply grunted.</p>
<p>“Well, Katara was probably around six, and-”</p>
<p>“Azula was bending at four.”</p>
<p>Hakoda patted his shoulder. “And she was just starting to get her bending under control. One day, my wife goes and takes her out. Just a day of fun, you see.”</p>
<p>“Mm.”</p>
<p>“And they were playing in the snow, having a snowball fight, you know the drill.”</p>
<p>“No, actually, I don’t.” Ozai internally winced at the venom in his voice, but all he could focus on was his pounding heart and trying to push back the mental images of the battle with the airbender. In the kitchen, Suki and Zuko were arguing loudly, about what he couldn’t tell for the life of him.</p>
<p>“I should take you down sometime. Show you how to make a snowman.”</p>
<p>“Should you be leading your tribe when you’re down there?”</p>
<p>And then, Zuko’s voice cut through the noise in his head again. “See, he’s the exact fucking same. He’s not fucking changing.”</p>
<p>Suki slapped him, and the strangeness of that image actually pulled him away from the panic a little. Zuko turned on her, anger in his eyes, but she whipped out one of her fans and pressed it into his chest.</p>
<p>“No. You do not get to play that card. You intentionally sent him into that state, knowing how he reacts, when he is physically unable to use his coping methods. Ty Lee and I have seen him. He is changing. He’s not perfect, far from it, but neither are you, Zuko.” She turned on her heel and walked out, pissed. Ty Lee hopped down, following, and Hakoda scooped Ozai up before following, Zuko’s scoff stopping him.</p>
<p>“He can’t have you wrapped around his finger that much, Hakoda. He’s perfectly capable of walking, I’ve seen him do it.”</p>
<p>“With all due respect, Fire Lord, fuck off.” And Hakoda walked off, Ozai pressing into him with relief.</p>
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<p>The anger in Iroh’s eyes was new. At least, directed towards him. It reminded him just a little too much of his father.</p>
<p>“My brother is a guest in my house, just as you.”</p>
<p>“Have you all forgotten what he has done?” Zuko leaned on the table, eyes burning.</p>
<p>“No. But neither has he. He is trying, Zuko, and you are not helping him.”</p>
<p>He looked away, scowling. He didn’t need to see the anger any more. “Whatever.”</p>
<p>Iroh sighed. “I know it’s near the anniversary. But you must at least be civil while you’re here.”</p>
<p>“He hasn’t even fucking apologized yet. Not even after he got his matching set.”</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“And you promised me the bedroom, and now he’s in it, and Uncle, I don’t want to be replaced again.” Zuko rubbed away his tears angrily, even as Iroh came around to wrap warm, comforting arms around him. The ache in his heart eased, then, just a little.</p>
<p>“Oh, Zuko. Nobody can replace you.” Iroh held him close, rocking him back and forth as he let the tears fall. “I’m just giving him the second chance you had.”</p>
<p>Zuko stayed like that for a long time, until the emotions had let go of his heart. He wiped away the last of his tears, and took a deep breath. He was reminded of the time he had seen the fear in Ozai’s eyes, the knowledge that their family was just one fucked up mess coming to the forefront again. It wasn’t just Ozai abusing him and Azula. It didn’t mean he had to forgive, but he could try and be civil. He owed it to Iroh.</p>
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<p>Ozai was stretched out next to Hakoda, good arm tucked beneath his head. He wished Katara had been his healer instead, she would have fixed him up far better than the water healers in the Upper Ring had managed. However, he was dealing, and Hakoda being here didn’t hurt. They were laying in the courtyard of the airbender’s house, Suki and Ty Lee lounging nearby and keeping a halfhearted eye on him. His eyes were closed, and he was just soaking up the sun, stubbornly refusing to acknowledge how wrong it felt without his bending.</p>
<p>His eyes flew open when Hakoda’s fingers found his stomach and started tracing lazy circles. Ozai sighed happily, relaxing more if that was even possible. Hakoda had hit the sweet spot, slow, large circles that were traced with a feather-light touch. It slowly warmed him, even cracking the ice where his bending used to be for a brief second. His various aches and pains were pushed to the back of his mind, and he shifted to kiss Hakoda on the cheek.</p>
<p>The other man flashed him a lazy smile, kissing his cheek right back. Neither noticed Zuko until he cleared his throat, Ozai’s gaze darting to him. He shifted awkwardly, either from seeing his father express affection or for some other reason, Ozai couldn’t tell.</p>
<p>“I wanted to come apologize. I was in the wrong for mentioning the A- Ow!” He was cut off by Suki, who elbowed him and glared. “For mentioning you-know-who. I’ve just been on edge a lot recently, and I took that out on you. I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Ozai blinked, not quite sure how to react. On the one hand, it was quite nice to get an apology from someone. On the other, it was the last thing he had expected from his son.</p>
<p>“Uh. It’s cool, I guess. Just try to keep mentions to a minimum, yeah?”</p>
<p>Zuko nodded. “Um. Mind if I sit out here too?”</p>
<p>Ozai shrugged. “Whatever.”</p>
<p>There was the rustle of clothes as Zuko sat down, watching the clouds overhead. His scarred side faced Ozai, and he remembered the fear on Zuko’s face that day. He looked away, swallowing the rising bile. Expectation or not, he never had to go that far.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, too.”</p>
<p>Zuko didn’t ask for what, and Ozai didn’t provide an answer. They just sat in silence, Hakoda holding Ozai close.</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Chapter 9</h2></a>
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    <p>Hakoda leaned against the railing of Ozai’s balcony, glancing over his shoulder when he heard the bedroom door open. Ozai was still dozing, one arm thrown over his face, as Zuko stepped into Hakoda’s line of sight.</p>
<p>“Can we talk? Not around him?”</p>
<p>“He’s dead to the world, he won’t be waking up any time soon.”</p>
<p>“Still.”</p>
<p>Hakoda sighed, exiting the room, making sure to keep the door cracked to keep half an eye on Ozai. “What do you want?”</p>
<p>“How long have you been fucking my father?”</p>
<p>The question took him by surprise so much that Hakoda laughed, dragging a hand down his face. He knew this conversation was going to happen, he just didn’t expect it to happen so soon, or for Zuko to be so blunt. “What gave you the impression that we were?”</p>
<p>“You two were being all, like, I don’t know. The way two people act when they’re in love.”</p>
<p>“We are in love. But that doesn’t mean we jumped straight from being friends to having sex. The prison guards saw to that real nice.” Hakoda couldn’t stop a hint of anger bleeding into his voice. “They liked to use him as their personal toy.”</p>
<p>“...Oh.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>“So what are you doing, then?”</p>
<p>“Just enjoying each other’s company.”</p>
<p>Zuko sighed. “How long have you two been together?”</p>
<p>“We’re not even really together. Your father wants to take it slow.”</p>
<p>“Just... Be careful.” Zuko looked away. “His last relationship kind of crashed and burned.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Hakoda stretched. “And while I appreciate your concern, I’m a grown man who can handle himself.” He slipped back into Ozai’s room, ending the conversation then and there, and went back out to the balcony. Hakoda knew exactly what he was getting into.</p>
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<p>Ozai rubbed his still-healing wrist, grimacing. He would love to play his flute, but the sprain was making it difficult. Sighing, he laid back with a soft groan. Maybe he would be able to play in a couple of days or so. </p>
<p>Hakoda kissed his cheek, and Ozai smiled softly.</p>
<p>“Hello there.”</p>
<p>“Hey. Still having issues?”</p>
<p>Ozai nodded, watching as Hakoda picked up the flute. He turned it over in calloused hands, running a finger along the carvings. The morning sun glinted off the gold embeddings, throwing light everywhere. Hakoda then lifted it to his lips, and Ozai winced at the shrill noise that came out of his flute.</p>
<p>“That is not how you play that.”</p>
<p>Hakoda gave him an impish grin. “Oh? Are you sure?” Another shrill tone came out of the instrument, and Ozai sighed.</p>
<p>“Which one of us plays it?”</p>
<p>“I play it just fine, I think!” Hakoda wiggled his eyebrows, and Ozai rubbed the bridge of his nose. The love of his life was insufferable at times. Not that he’d tell Hakoda. At least, not the first part.</p>
<p>“You really don’t, you insufferable bastard.”</p>
<p>“Well, is this better?” Hakoda grinned, holding it up to his lips, and whistled.</p>
<p>Ozai blinked, dumbfounded, before he started laughing. “That’s still not playing it, but yes, it’s better.”</p>
<p>Hakoda grinned, placing the flute on the nightstand and kissing Ozai. Hakoda cupped Ozai’s face, running a gentle finger on the edge of Ozai’s scar. A shiver was sent down his spine, and he leaned into Hakoda. The kiss broke, Ozai’s looping his arms around Hakoda’s neck.</p>
<p>“Damn, you’re handsome.”</p>
<p>“Speak for yourself.” Hakoda kissed him again, gently laying him back on the bed. Ozai lifted a hand, ran it through the shaved portion. Hakoda smiled, resting his hand over Ozai’s.</p>
<p>“How the fuck did ths happen?”</p>
<p>“Beats me.” Hakoda chuckled, rolling off him. Cuddling close. “But I’m glad it did.”</p>
<p>Ozai smiled into the next kiss, it only fading when he caught sight of Zuko.</p>
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<p>Zuko walked Ba Sing Se as the sun set, trying to decompress. He wasn’t expecting to run into Hakoda, but he supposed he should have, as the man was currently holding some sort of gift wrapped in paper and string. Clearly for Ozai. He scowled as memories clashed, singing disharmonious notes. Ozai smiling down at him. Ozai telling him he was lucky to be born. Ozai saving his life. Ozai burning half his face off.</p>
<p>“Hey. What are you up to?”</p>
<p>“A walk.” Zuko looked away. “I needed to clear my head a bit.”</p>
<p>“Mind if I join?”</p>
<p>“Can I stop you?”</p>
<p>“Not really.” Hakoda fell into step next to him, humming softly. “I’m in a good mood. And I know you still have grievances.”</p>
<p>“How could you love him?” Zuko glared at the man, scowling.</p>
<p>“I see more than what he’s done.”</p>
<p>“Well, what he’s done is all that matters.”</p>
<p>“I disagree.”</p>
<p>“Why?” Zuko whirled on Hakoda, anger building in his chest.</p>
<p>“Because he’s at least trying to change.”</p>
<p>“I don’t believe you.”</p>
<p>“So why did you keep him alive? You had every right to kill him.”</p>
<p>“Aang wanted him alive.” Zuko’s response was practiced.</p>
<p>“And Ozai is a citizen of the Fire Nation. You had every right to override that wish.”</p>
<p>“I... didn’t want to get on Aang’s bad side.”</p>
<p>“Aang would have understood. Out of everyone, you had every right to want your father dead.”</p>
<p>“Well, something my uncle stuck with me!” Zuko had just remembered it, grasping for straws. “Something about... Grab for power... Civil war.” He smiled nervously, but Hakoda’s face told him he wasn’t buying any of it.</p>
<p>“You already have the cusp of a civil war on your hands. Tell me the real reason.”</p>
<p>Ozai’s smile. Ozai’s frown. Ozai’s hand on his back. Ozai’s hand on his face. Good and bad. Tender and painful.</p>
<p>“I don’t know, okay?” He was loud enough for the people down the street to turn their heads curiously. Zuko’s volume dropped then, after a sigh slipped from his teeth. “I don’t know. Maybe because I can see the good, too. But I experienced the bad.”</p>
<p>Hakoda reached out, resting a hand on his shoulder. Rubbed it gently. “Listen, kid, I can’t pretend to understand what you’re going through. But he wasn’t really equipped for fatherhood. He just did his best, so give him a chance, alright?”</p>
<p>“Alright.”</p>
<p>Hakoda gave him a smile, walking back towards Iroh’s. Memories swirled in Zuko’s head. Ozai’s love. Ozai’s hate. They sang together, starting to harmonize.</p>
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<p>There were moments that Ozai wondered. Wondered if he could use all this to his advantage. Wondered if he was really going to tolerate all of this. Wondered why they were all trusting him so damn much. He still wanted the throne. But he couldn’t challenge Zuko to an Agni Kai, not any more, and his daughter was in prison. He supposed Ukano was technically an option, but would the nation even accept him on the throne now?</p>
<p>His musings were interrupted by his bedroom door opening. Hakoda slipped in, and a smile ghosted over his face as he sat up. There was a package in the other’s hands, and Hakoda fidgeted with the twine holding it together.</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>“Hey.”</p>
<p>“I got you a gift.” Hakoda tossed it, Ozai catching it with ease.</p>
<p>“Oh?”</p>
<p>“Just open it.”</p>
<p>Ozai raised an amused eyebrow, undoing the ties and tearing into the paper. Inside laid a blue coat, the same shade as Hakoda’s eyes, brown-tipped white fur edging the hood.</p>
<p>“I thought, since it’s getting towards winter, that you might like to have a coat. You mentioned once that you’re always cold, so I thought this might help.”</p>
<p>“It’s blue.”</p>
<p>“Well, if you don’t want it, I can just take it.” He reached forward, as if to take it.</p>
<p>Ozai looked up at him, glaring. “Mine.”</p>
<p>Hakoda laughed, sitting back again. “Alright, alright. I hope it fits, it looks like we’re about the same size.”</p>
<p>Ozai pulled it up, spinning it onto himself. The soft fur tickled his cheeks, and he stood to show it off.</p>
<p>“So? How do I look?”</p>
<p>Hakoda grinned, gently tugging him back down to the bed for a kiss. “I think you look wonderful.”</p>
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<p>They were outside to see Hakoda off when... things started to fall from the sky. Ozai squinted up at it, baffled. It wasn’t raining, he had seen plenty of that both in the Earth Kingdom and in the Fire Nation. It was too slow, and quiet, and soft and white.</p>
<p>“Iroh, what is this?”</p>
<p>Iroh clapped him gently on the back. Enough to pitch his torso forward a bit but not enough to stagger him. He was almost healed, but not quite there.</p>
<p>“This, dear brother, is snow.”</p>
<p>“Snow? Is it dangerous?”</p>
<p>“Only because of the chill. And once it lands, it can become icy.”</p>
<p>“Ah.” Ozai held out his hand, watching as this snow landed on the sleeve of his coat. It contrasted nicely with the blue, and as a small breeze whipped up he pulled the hood closer to his ears.</p>
<p>“We have plenty down in the South Pole, if you ever want to see more.” Hakoda flashed a warm smile.</p>
<p>Ozai gave a noncommittal grunt. In truth, he’d love to see where Hakoda was born, had grown up. But he knew that when he got out of Ba Sing Se, it was to go right back into a cell.</p>
<p>Hakoda kissed his cheek, dragging him out of his thoughts. “I’ll see you before long, Ozai.”</p>
<p>Ozai nodded. “Safe travels, Hakoda.”</p>
<p>The man stepped on the train that would take him to the port, and it pulled away, leaving Ozai feeling hollow and alone. Iroh wrapped an arm around him and pulled him away, starting to tell the tale of the first time Zuko has seen snow.</p>
<p>“We had been traveling in polar waters, you see, and we had seen plenty of ice but no actual snowfall yet. And one day, when he woke up, it was falling...”</p>
<p>Ozai smiled, enjoying the story and appreciating his brother’s efforts. And when Iroh recounted how one of the younger crewmates had pinged him with a snowball, Ozai laughed.</p>
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<p>Ozai absentmindedly tapped the wooden handle of his brush against his cheek, lost in thought. Snow was still steadily falling outside, blowing in light flurries onto his balcony. The Water Tribe coat was pulled tight around his torso, warding off the bite of outside chill. He played the tune he had jotted down, before continuing it and transcribing it as he worked. Another song for Hakoda. Ozai hadn’t quite lied, when he said the first was based off the ocean, but he hadn’t told the whole truth. Of how he never would have written it if it weren’t for Hakoda. And he watched the fat flakes fall, trying to match them to music.</p>
<p>Iroh set a cup of tea next to him, looking over the song. “Quite the composition you have there. Another one for your lover?”</p>
<p>Ozai shoved him, Iroh laughing it off. “He’s not my lover. We’re just close.”</p>
<p>“So it is for him!”</p>
<p>“I didn’t say that.”</p>
<p>“But you didn’t refute it.” Iroh grinned, and Ozai sighed.</p>
<p>“Insufferable. That’s what you are.”</p>
<p>“I intend to be.”</p>
<p>Ozai rolled his eyes, tucking his face into his coat as he thought through the tune he wanted. The winter air bit into him, exasperating the absence of his fire. But he had also noticed a decrease in the frequency and potency of his migraines. He supposed it had something to do with the fact that the sun was out less. One symptom eases, one symptom grows. A cycle he wasn’t exactly looking forward to.</p>
<p>The snow swirled in circles, and Ozai stood to step out, letting them fall on him, on his coat. He was still of two minds about it. It was cold, and wet, and it made walking to the tea shop difficult and even a little dangerous. But when the moon hit it just right, the snow glowed. He could see why Hakoda loved his tribe, if it was always that beautiful.</p>
<p>Iroh came out not too long after, handing Ozai a cup of tea. It warmed his hands as he sipped, enjoying the soothing flavors.</p>
<p>“Zuko has mentioned that Ursa might visit soon.”</p>
<p>“You two were close, I suppose. Would you like me to clear out for a few days?”</p>
<p>“Ursa has specifically requested that you’re not to be in my apartment the entire time she visits.” Iroh sighed. “Either that, or that you’re tied to the bed. I am sorry, brother.”</p>
<p>“I’ll crash with Suki and Ty Lee. That should make her happy.” Ozai shrugged. “Gives me more space to run through katas in the morning.”</p>
<p>Iroh nodded. “As a warning, she will be bringing her other daughter.”</p>
<p>“Ah. She is a firebender as well, is she not?”</p>
<p>“She is. So Kiyi might be joining you in those morning katas.” Iroh winked. “I’ll be keeping an eye on her.”</p>
<p>Ozai chuckled, finishing his tea and heading back inside.</p>
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<p>Ozai was practicing in the courtyard when a child ran into it, trailed first by Iroh and then by Ursa. His ex-wife made sure to stay on the other side of the courtyard from him, while Iroh corralled the kid towards Ozai first.</p>
<p>“Kiyi, this is my brother Ozai. Ozai, this is Kiyi.”</p>
<p>“Hi Uncle Ozai!” Kiyi flashed him a wide grin. “Uncle Iroh says that he’s gonna show me some firebending. Are you a firebender? Can you show me some stuff too? I’m sure you know some really cool moves!”</p>
<p>Ozai blinked, unsure how to react. He looked to his brother, who simply gave him an encouraging smile.</p>
<p>“I am not a firebender, no. But perhaps I can show you a thing or two.”</p>
<p>“Yes!” Kiyi pumped her fist, and Iroh started to guide her through some basic katas. It reminded him of watching Iroh with Lu Ten, how the prince had carefully guided his son through the beginner’s forms. Once, when Lu Ten had fallen, Iroh had helped him up and brushed him off, before encouraging him to try again. How had their broken family produced someone so whole?</p>
<p>“Uncle Ozai, watch this!” Kiyi jumped up, shooting flames from her feet and hands in tandem. She didn’t quite stick the landing, but the intensity of her fire reminded him of another seven year old. One who had bent blue fire by twelve.</p>
<p>“Impressive. And to prevent that little stumble when you land, focus on keeping your limbs in tighter.” He demonstrated, just without the fire of course. As he landed easily back on his feet, her face settled into a determined look, before she set herself to practicing, Iroh praising and encouraging her. Watching out of the corner of his eye, he thought of how he had never fostered quite the relationship with either of his own children. He didn’t know quite what to do about the ache in his chest, and pushed it away, focusing on his own katas.</p>
<p>“You look like a firebender. Zuko does the same thing that you’re doing right now, even!”</p>
<p>Had nobody told this child what had happened to him?</p>
<p>“Well, that’s because I used to be a firebender, just like him.”</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>At that, Ozai could feel his brother’s eyes on him, and he locked his own on them. Iroh was here. The Avatar wasn’t. He was safe.</p>
<p>“I lost it, after a great big battle near the end of the war.”</p>
<p>“Am I going to lose my bending too?” She looked worried at that, looking down at her hands as if they’d lose the ability to produce flame that second.</p>
<p>“No, no.” He crouched down, got on her eye level. It was something he had seen Iroh do many times, so it must be the right thing to do. “It was a freak accident.”</p>
<p>“But what caused it?”</p>
<p>He tried to find the words for it that wouldn’t either trigger a flashback or upset her more.</p>
<p>“I...” He could feel his heart picking up speed, he wasn’t ready for this. He couldn’t do this, not without panicking and then most likely scaring Kiyi. The fact that he wasn’t already yelling was a fucking miracle.</p>
<p>Iroh stepped closer, crouching next to both of them. Placed his hand on Ozai’s shoulder and squeezed. “In one of the final battles, Uncle Ozai got really badly hurt in a way that removed his bending. And the person responsible was properly dealt with, so there’s no chance of it happening to you.”</p>
<p>Kiyi nodded, patting Ozai’s knee. “Zuko gets scared, too, you know. And then I get to tell him it’s okay, that he’s safe, and then he hugs me and everything is better.” Her golden eyes met his, a gentle smile on her face. “So that’s what I’m going to tell you, too. It’s okay. You’re safe.”</p>
<p>Ozai nodded, and let Iroh help him up and over to sit at the edge of the courtyard. He watched them practice, Kiyi celebrating any time she got something right. And he refused to look up at Ursa, even as she made her way over. And while he couldn’t see them, he heard Suki and Ty Lee step closer, protecting him.</p>
<p>“I never thought I’d see the day. You actually interacted well with a child.”</p>
<p>He sighed softly, turning so he could see Ursa. Still as beautiful as the day he met her.</p>
<p>“I am trying, and I was really just channeling my brother’s softness.”</p>
<p>“That’s not always a bad thing.”</p>
<p>“Mm.”</p>
<p>Ursa’s face softened just a little. “I’ll let you relax. But thank you for not hurting our child.”</p>
<p>A heartbeat, and they both realized what those words meant. Horror spread on Ursa’s face, and Ozai knew the shock had bled through to his own.</p>
<p>“She’s my child?” His voice was a hoarse whisper. He tallied up the years, and yes, Kiyi was about the right age.</p>
<p>“I... I believe she is, yes.” Ursa’s shoulders sagged. “I can’t be sure. Please, Ozai, don’t tell anyone.”</p>
<p>Ozai watched her practice. The fire still reminded him of Azula’s.</p>
<p>“I won’t.”</p>
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<p>The next day, Kiyi begged him for a spar. So here he was, standing across from her, Iroh having mouthed to let her win. The problem came when he had no idea how to do that. Well, it was worth a shot.</p>
<p>Kiyi charged in, and he sidestepped out of habit, the girl rushing past him before whirling around and pouting. He laughed, settling into a defensive stance.</p>
<p>“Go ahead, try again.”</p>
<p>He forced himself to stand his ground this time, blocking her punches and kicks. Watching her face, he started feigning grunts and falters when she started scowling, and then the way her face lit up gave him a peculiar feeling in his chest. It felt familiar, and it distracted him just enough that it was at least part of the reason his arms dropped. And Kiyi saw the opportunity, and Ozai was reminded of his other daughter when her eyes narrowed the instant before he was tackled. He let her bowl him over, Kiyi sitting on his chest and crowing happily.</p>
<p>“I won! Uncle Iroh, Uncle Iroh, I won!” She scrambled off him, and he managed to block a foot from flying into the center of his chest, over his heart. He was not in the mood for a migraine, thank you very much.</p>
<p>Iroh scooped her up, laughing along with her. “You did! And I’m so proud of you!”</p>
<p>Is this what fatherhood was like? Feeling that feeling when making them happy? It was a better high than any promotion or gained ambition he had ever had. How had he missed this?</p>
<p>All he knew was that Iroh had it right, as he watched him play with Kiyi. But it didn’t take her long to scramble over to where he was picking himself up off the ground, bowing to him as one does after a spar and giving him only a second to return it before she barreled into him with a hug.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Uncle Ozai, for sparring with me!” She then ran off again, leaving Ozai with a shocked expression as she ran off to learn from Iroh.</p>
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<p>The months passed, filled with visits from Hakoda and Zuko and even Kiyi. And then one spring day, Iroh wasn’t making tea when Ozai woke up. He slipped out of his room, worried that his brother was sick, to find him sitting in the living room with a basket on one arm.</p>
<p>“The tea shop is closed today. And I’d like to take you on a... Trip.” Iroh’s voice nearly cracked, but he hid it with an easy smile. Ozai was reminded of how old his brother was, lines creasing under his eyes and around his mouth.</p>
<p>“Just let me get dressed.” Ozai slipped back into his room, threw on some clothes, and pulled his hair up in a topknot. At the last minute, he made it Earth Kingdom style. Before ten minutes had passed, he was back out in the living room and following his brother out the door.</p>
<p>“I truly do love Ba Sing Se. It’s full of life and stories that could never be told elsewhere.” Iroh watched a lone cloud scurry across the sky, a soft smile on his face. “I haven’t told you much of my months here during the war? When I first opened the Dragon?”</p>
<p>“Not really, no.”</p>
<p>Iroh pointed to a shop, whose owner grinned and waved at him, moon flowers blooming on the table. “There, I would occasionally buy flowers to decorate my apartment with.” He pointed out another shop. “And I borrowed a pipa from there to cheer up a little boy.”</p>
<p>“You were always the soft type.”</p>
<p>Iroh just gave him a cryptic smile as he continued. “In that courtyard, four boys broke a window playing an earthbending game.”</p>
<p>“These don’t seem to be connected.”</p>
<p>“Well, they all happened on the same day. Isn’t that enough?”</p>
<p>“Hmph.” Ozai kept following Iroh, wondering what was the point of all of this.</p>
<p>“A coin, for old time’s sake, Tycho.” Iroh flipped a coin to a masseuse, who caught it easily and grinned back.</p>
<p>“My stance is still better thanks to you!”</p>
<p>“I hope it is!”</p>
<p>At Ozai’s puzzled look, Iroh explained. “He tried to mug me. But we talked it out, and I even gave him some tips on how to properly stand in a fight.”</p>
<p>Ozai snorted. “Yeah, that sounds like you.”</p>
<p>It wasn’t long before they were out of the city, with the help of the train. Iroh had sombered up the farther out they had gotten, until they had arrived at the top of a small hill adorned with a tree and a carved stone.</p>
<p>‘For Lu Ten. My brave little soldier boy.’</p>
<p>Ozai felt like he had been gut punched.</p>
<p>“Today was Lu Ten’s birthday.” Iroh’s grief fully bled through then, and he bowed his head, setting up a small, temporary shrine. He propped a picture of his son on the roots of the tree, setting the incense in front of it and lighting it. The sweet smell filled the air as Iroh sat back and sang, his voice breaking down into sobs after the first verse.</p>
<p>Ozai sat awkwardly next to him, until he heard his brother crying. Some buried memory of his youth spurred him to pull Iroh close, letting his brother cry into his shoulder. Ozai couldn’t tear his gaze from the portrait, the text. Perhaps the last letter Iroh had ever gotten from Lu Ten before his death.</p>
<p>‘I’ll see you soon, Father,’ it read.</p>
<p>The incense burned down as the sun set, and Ozai watched it waft away over the fields while he held his brother close.</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Chapter 10</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Ozai had never quite got to the level of comfort with customers Iroh displayed on a daily basis. His brother would chat up everyone who gave him an ear, and that just so happened to be most of his customers as he weaved through the tables. Setting down Suki’s order, he looked over as the spring air swirled into the shop.</p>
<p>Zuko had arrived, Hakoda chatting with him. Ozai caught himself staring at the chief before they took a seat. Not really in his section, but he was going to serve them. He told Shan that he’d take this table, before turning back to Zuko and Hakoda.</p>
<p>“Alright, what tea do you two want?” Ozai lazily asked, his eyes drawn to Hakoda. Damn, the man was handsome. Sculpted arms, cheekbones as sharp as his own, and blue eyes Ozai just wanted to get lost in.</p>
<p>“Ginseng for both of us, please.”</p>
<p>“Coming right up.” Ozai blew Hakoda a kiss, smirking, and Hakoda laughed. It didn’t take long for the tea to be ready, and Ozai balanced its tray on one hand, rolling his eyes as one dude called out to him.</p>
<p>“Hey, Lee, can I get some service over here?”</p>
<p>“I’ll be with you in a second!” He gave Zuko and Hakoda their tea, Zuko giving him a horrified stare.</p>
<p>“He called you Lee.”</p>
<p>Ozai sighed. “Trust me, I didn’t pick the name.”</p>
<p>Zuko narrowed his eyes, sipping his tea. “...We should get back at him.”</p>
<p>Ozai raised a surprised eyebrow. He didn’t expect his son to want to do anything with him, frankly. “What do you have in mind?”</p>
<p>Zuko grinned, leaning in closer. “Tea.”</p>
<p>Ozai furrowed his face in concentration, before it smoothed out as he smirked.</p>
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<p>It was while the four were walking back to Iroh’s that Ozai and Zuko put their plan into action.</p>
<p>“How did you like the hot leaf juice, Zuko?”</p>
<p>Iroh’s look of mock rage before he raced after a laughing Ozai was all Hakoda needed to know everything was going to be alright, Zuko tossing in good-natured taunts to distract his uncle as Ozai danced away from wildly-swinging arms with a smirk on his face.</p>
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<p>“I think we’ve tamped down the worst of it. It’s time to come home, Ozai.”</p>
<p>He sighed, knowing deep in his heart that this day would come eventually. Everything good came with a price. And part of him was still shocked that he had genuinely relaxed here, enjoyed himself. But his short stint with almost-freedom was finally up.</p>
<p>“When do we leave?”</p>
<p>“Tomorrow. I couldn’t push some of my meetings back further than that will allow us, and even that will be close.”</p>
<p>“I’ll get packing.” He downed the rest of his ‘hot leaf juice’, pushing back from the table and grabbing his pack from the door. Hakoda trailed after him, watching him pack away just a couple of robes, his flute, and scrolls of sheet music. Ozai held up the coat, considering it. Hakoda had given him it. He didn’t want to leave it behind, but even with how cold he ran nowadays, Ozai would be far too warm wearing it. The fabric bunched underneath his fists before he carefully laid it back where he had stored it, slipping his flute into a protective sleeve and into his pack. He sank onto his bed, nothing more to pack away.</p>
<p>“I hope you wore it.”</p>
<p>“I did. It kept me warm enough.”</p>
<p>Hakoda sat next to Ozai, waiting for him to lean into him before Hakoda wrapped a warm arm around him. “Good.”</p>
<p>“You should take it. You’ll have more use for it back in the tribe.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure?”</p>
<p>“Yeah.”</p>
<p>They sat there for a long moment, Hakoda tracing circles on his back.</p>
<p>“I don’t want to leave.” This is where we had our first kiss, Hakoda. This is where we took that first step. It was where we realized we loved each other.</p>
<p>“I’ll still visit you in the capital.”</p>
<p>“It won’t be the same.” He could already see the cold, quiet, dark cell, Haircut’s flames making the shadows dance. Closing his eyes, he pressed his face into Hakoda. Warm, safe, Hakoda, who had risked his own neck to save Ozai’s.</p>
<p>“It’ll be okay.”</p>
<p>“I hope.”</p>
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<p>Ozai was up on deck as they pulled away from Ba Sing Se, watching as his brother waved goodbye. He didn’t want to go below deck yet, trap himself in the room that was probably bigger than his cell back home. It wasn’t as free as the whole deck of the ship, even with Suki and Ty Lee standing behind him. Out here, he could at least pretend that he wasn’t being watched.</p>
<p>He leaned on the railing as the wind toyed with his hair, pulling it every which way. He could see why Hakoda kept his hair short, but Ozai much more preferred his hair long. Especially since Haircut’s actions that had given him his nickname. Ozai thought that maybe Zuko had mentioned his name once or twice, but frankly, he didn’t care to remember the bastard’s name. Not after all the pain he had gone through. A scowl formed on his face as he started thinking about all of it, and he dropped his head to rub at the edge of his scar.</p>
<p>It didn’t take long for Hakoda to come up to him, strong arms wrapping around him and Hakoda’s face appearing in his peripheral vision.</p>
<p>“Hey. I’m bored.”</p>
<p>“Still not ready to fuck.”</p>
<p>Hakoda gently spun him, blue eyes meeting his. “And that’s how I know it’s getting bad. Your snark levels have been cranked up to eleven.”</p>
<p>Ozai pulled away a little, scowling. “And what do you think you can do to help?”</p>
<p>“Not much. But before we left, Iroh mentioned that you wrote another song?”</p>
<p>“I didn’t write it for you.” Ozai was good at lies. Even better at lies that meant he didn’t need to actually say that he was extremely gay for Hakoda.</p>
<p>“I still want to hear it.”</p>
<p>Ozai rolled his eyes, but pulled out his flute regardless. Closing his eyes, he started playing, swaying as in time as he could get on the ship. The notes spun around, seemingly aimless until the melody coalesced, and he opened his eyes again to see Hakoda smiling at him in awe.</p>
<p>“Damn, I love your music.”</p>
<p>“Flattery. Keep it up.”</p>
<p>Hakoda laughed, pulling him closer to the middle of the ship. “Zuko is practicing his bending, and there’s something you just have to see.”</p>
<p>Ozai rolled his eyes. He had seen his son bend, and frankly, he didn’t want to remind either of them of Zuko’s childhood.</p>
<p>What he saw stopped him dead in his tracks. The fire was unlike anything he had ever seen, a veritable rainbow of colors swirling in the flame. He found himself walking down and standing with the crew, awed by this wholly unique display of fire that he was sure, deep in his bones, that even Azula couldn’t match.</p>
<p>Once it was over, and the crew took their tasks back up, Ozai turned to Hakoda. “Where did he learn that?”</p>
<p>“The dragons.”</p>
<p>“The what.”</p>
<p>Hakoda smirked. “Oh, does Zuko have a story to tell.”</p>
<p>When Ozai found out said story, he was equal parts amused and impressed. Both by his son’s utter stupidity and his bravery. And when it was done, he had just one request.</p>
<p>“Teach me the Dancing Dragon.”</p>
<p>He practiced it late into the night, until the only light was the lanterns swinging at regular intervals on the ship, the moon reflecting off the water, and the stars twinkling high above his head.</p>
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<p>The sun beat down on Ozai as he walked through Caldera City. Zuko refused to use the palanquins, meaning that they had a long walk from the harbor to the palace. Vendors hawking their goods increased their urgency tenfold when they realized the Fire Lord was part of the group, some pushing in close, waving them in an attempt to catch Zuko’s eye. People who recognized him stopped them to give their thanks, all in all making for a slow, loud trip. And every step was agony, bringing him closer to something he had known was coming all along. That didn’t make it any easier though.</p>
<p>Zuko led him through the palace, opening the door to a small apartment. Typically reserved for nobles who came from farther out and didn’t have a house in the city.</p>
<p>“Alright. This is your new home. You’re not allowed to leave without my express permission. You are allowed to go out to the connected courtyard under supervision. Emergencies are exceptions.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked around the space. Not as grand as the rooms his son surely occupied, but far and away better than what he thought he was getting.</p>
<p>“Are you serious?”</p>
<p>“Well. You are still a criminal and a prisoner, no matter how much ‘changing’ you have done. So we still have to keep you under tight supervi-”</p>
<p>Ozai had stopped paying attention and had happily faceplanted into the bed, Zuko watching from the doorway where he had stopped trailing his father.</p>
<p>“That was... Unexpected. Regardless, there are clothes provided in the closet. I will occasionally come by for meals.” Zuko then started walking out, but Ozai pulled himself up, stopping him before the door.</p>
<p>“Please. Can I see Azula?”</p>
<p>Zuko’s eyes narrowed as he held his breath, dreading the answer to come. And then he nearly melted into a puddle of relief when it came.</p>
<p>“I’ll figure something out.”</p>
<p>Ozai watched him go, realizing that it was going to be better. Nowhere near ideal, but at least less painful. He was looking forward to it.</p>
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<p>There was a child in his quarters. Granted, he had met this child before, and she seemed to enjoy his company, but there was a child in his apartment and Ozai didn’t quite know what to do. Her arms were wrapped around his torso as she babbled to him about inane things. He looked up to see Hakoda silently laughing, which earned him a solid glare. He thought the man was aware of his methods with children.</p>
<p>“And the guards barely let me in! They were mean and rude! I like Uncle Iroh much better.” Kiyi finally pulled back, crossing her arms with a scowl. “Even Suki and Ty Lee are nicer.”</p>
<p>“Ah. Well. They’re there for protection.”</p>
<p>Kiyi looked up at him. “Right, you left the palace because mean people were attacking you.” She smiled. “Does that mean they think I’m dangerous?”</p>
<p>Ozai looked up at a still-grinning Hakoda. “Uh, sure.”</p>
<p>“Awesome!” She pulled him out to his personal courtyard as he was wondering if Ursa knew where her child was. “C’mon, let’s spar!”</p>
<p>Ozai sighed softly, settling into a stance. Kiyi charged him, and he blocked her flurry of punches with ease. That is, until she added in her fire, and Ozai hissed in surprise as he had to dance away to avoid being burned.</p>
<p>“Sorry! Sometimes it just happens... I didn’t hurt you, did I?”</p>
<p>“I’m fine. Just don’t do that again.” He turned away. “In fact, sparring without a better firebender around is probably a bad idea.”</p>
<p>“Well, will you teach me something cool?”</p>
<p>He was about to refuse, but then he realized how he could use her wording to his advantage. “Of course. But since someone didn’t specify what, I’m not teaching you firebending.”</p>
<p>Kiyi’s shoulders dropped. “Aw, man.”</p>
<p>Ozai chuckled. “Always be specific with your requests.” He led her back into the living room, handing her a flute. Not his mother’s, that one he kept for himself, but one Zuko had left for him.</p>
<p>“I’m going to teach you to play the flute.”</p>
<p>Kiyi wasn’t thrilled, per say, but by the end of the lesson she was able to produce more than a shrill squeal and had a smile on her face. She hugged him and thanked him before handing the flute back, a man, presumably her father, having appeared to take her away again. He awkwardly returned it, Hakoda going over to introduce himself and make conversation before heading out himself..</p>
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<p>There was something about this man that was bugging Hakoda, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. Ikem, Kiyi’s father, was perfectly cordial, if rightfully distrustful of Ozai, and Kiyi clearly trusted him. But something was off, still, as he looked between Kiyi’s golden eyes and Ikem’s brown. And after they went their separate ways, Ikem to take Kiyi back to his and Ursa's apartment, and Hakoda off to the nearby market to look for a gift for Ozai.</p>
<p>The question he didn’t have the words for kept wiggling at the back of his brain, perusing the stalls with a wide variety of wares. Earth Kingdom pottery, Fire Nation glassworking, and Water Tribe cloth arts all coexisted, but it was the last that caught his eye. It had a tapestry on display, one that married Water Tribe and Fire Nation methods, representative of the relatively new alliance between the sister nations. For, truly, they were, the sun and the moon tied together as tightly as the moon and the ocean.</p>
<p>This tapestry had the moon at the top, shining on the icy fields that characterized the lands of the tribes, leading into the ocean. There, in the middle, the colors shifted, going from blue to purple to red, the golden beaches that lined every island in the archipelago giving way to fire and a sun at the very bottom. Hakoda admired it, before counting out his money, wondering if he had enough to pay for it.</p>
<p>“Like that one, eh?” The Water Tribe shopkeeper leaned against her table, smiling. “My husband made it a few weeks ago. Haven’t sold it yet, but I’m sure it’ll go for a pretty penny.”</p>
<p>“How much?”</p>
<p>“How’s a hundred and fifty Fire Nation gold sound?”</p>
<p>He had just enough, handing it over. The shopkeeper took it down, rolling it up and hefting it into Hakoda’s arms.</p>
<p>“Thanks for business!”</p>
<p>As Hakoda was carrying it back to the palace, he realized why the man had bugged him. Kiyi didn’t have his eyes, or even Ursa’s. She had Ozai’s.</p>
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<p>Hakoda hadn’t been away for long when he walked back in, something large rolled up in his arms. A tapestry, perhaps? Whatever it was, Hakoda certainly seemed pleased with himself to have found it.</p>
<p>“I found you something!” He dropped it on the table, gesturing to it. “Go ahead, check it out.”</p>
<p>Ozai raised an eyebrow, setting aside his flute and unrolling the tapestry. He looked at its full length, awed, tracing the moon that had ended up in front of him with a light finger. The rough-yet-smooth surface intrigued him, and he looked up at Hakoda.</p>
<p>“This is unlike anything I’ve ever seen. It looks Fire Nation, but... Not.”</p>
<p>“It’s to represent both the Water Tribes and the Fire Nation. I thought you’d like it.”</p>
<p>“I really do. Think I’ll hang it up in my room.” He gently bundled it up, carrying it into his bedroom. A blank space, where he knew his portrait had hung once upon a time. He carefully hung it up, stepping back to make sure it wasn’t crooked, right into Hakoda’s waiting arms.</p>
<p>“You put the moon on top.”</p>
<p>“I like the moon better, nowadays.”</p>
<p>Hakoda smiled and kissed him. “Too bad. I like the sun.”</p>
<p>Ozai just smirked, kissing back.</p>
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<p>Ozai looked up sharply as the door to his apartment was thrown open, Ursa stalking in. Rage poured off her as she walked right up to him and slapped him, his head snapping to the side. He stayed like that for a moment, his own rage building as he fought to keep it under control, before he turned on her with ice in his voice.</p>
<p>“What was the meaning of that?”</p>
<p>“I just ran into Hakoda. Who else have you told?” She crossed her arms, eyes blazing.</p>
<p>“Told... What, exactly?”</p>
<p>“About Kiyi.” She ground the words out, her entire frame stiffening.</p>
<p>Part of his rage faded away, replaced by confusion. “I didn’t tell anyone, including Hakoda. If I’m being honest, I don’t care who her father is.”</p>
<p>“You fucking liar. How else could he have known, then?”</p>
<p>“I put two and two together, Ursa.” Hakoda’s voice made Ozai look up, tension draining from him. “The eyes don’t match.”</p>
<p>She turned to the chief, eyes narrow. “And how do you know this?”</p>
<p>“I ran into Ikem.” Hakoda walked over, sitting next to Ozai on the couch. An arm snaked its way around him, and Ozai leaned back into the touch. “He didn’t tell me anything.”</p>
<p>Ursa had the decency to look at least a little ashamed. “...I am sorry for assuming. I will see myself out.” She turned and did so, Ozai watching her go with a stinging cheek.</p>
<p>“She smacked you good. I can see the imprint of her hand on your face.”</p>
<p>“My ex-wife was always good at that.” His voice was dry as he shifted, practically laying on Hakoda’s chest. The other man’s hands went to his hair, detangling a section before starting to braid it. “How long are you staying in the Fire Nation?”</p>
<p>“Just another week or so, and then I have to be gone for a few months. I couldn’t be prouder of Sokka, though, he’s been doing marvelously running the tribe in my absences.”</p>
<p>“How wonderful.” He tipped his head back, staring upside-down into Hakoda’s smiling face.</p>
<p>“So glad you approve.”</p>
<p>“Mm.”</p>
<p>Hakoda leaned down for a quick kiss, before they settled in, content to just be.</p>
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<p>“I don’t know what to do.” Zuko scowled at his cup of tea. His father had at least learned some of Iroh’s tricks, meaning that it wasn’t undrinkable. In fact, it was quite good.</p>
<p>“Ukano wants to fall back into favor, and thinks I do a better job leading than you do.” Ozai was lounging on his couch, eyes narrowed in thought. “He’s going to try and overthrow you. Why do you keep him so close, anyways? I purged my father’s nobles when I rose to the throne.”</p>
<p>“He has an annoyingly specific skill set.” Zuko sighed. “Surprisingly effective at keeping the other council members in line. If he left, I’d just have more issues on my hands.”</p>
<p>Ozai tipped his head. “And why don’t you replace those other nobles?”</p>
<p>“I can’t go around replacing the entirety of my court every few years. Half the country barely accepts me as it is.”</p>
<p>“He’s dangerous.”</p>
<p>“Not as dangerous as he could be.” Zuko sighed. “How did you deal with all of this?”</p>
<p>“By being ruthless and ruling with an iron fist.”</p>
<p>“...Right. Forget I asked.”</p>
<p>“Already done.”</p>
<p>Zuko sighed again. “Let’s change the subject. How are you settling in?”</p>
<p>“Well, it’s far better than a cell less than half the size of this room alone.” Ozai smirked, before it faded a little. “It does feel empty, however.”</p>
<p>“I... I get it. He sort of fills the space when you’re around him.”</p>
<p>“Yeah.” A beat passed, before Ozai stood with a flourish, taking his cup away. “Hakoda got me a gift, you know.”</p>
<p>Zuko groaned. He didn’t need to be reminded of that relationship.</p>
<p>“Oh, don’t react like that. It’s sweet. A tapestry to remind me of him.”</p>
<p>“Really not here to listen to your love life. So if that’s all you’re going to talk about, I’m leaving. He stood, moving to walk out.</p>
<p>“Wait. You said I could see Azula.”</p>
<p>Zuko sighed. “I guess I can take you to her now.”</p>
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<p>Ozai followed his son through the palace, guards trailing behind them. They stopped at a simple door, Zuko’s hand resting on the handle before he spoke.</p>
<p>“I don’t know how she’s going to react.”</p>
<p>And then he opened the door, and Ozai blinked. Art covered the walls, featuring her. Ursa. Zuko. Himself. There were a dozen pieces of the day he declared himself Phoenix King alone. Azula herself was nowhere to be seen, not yet, as Ozai stepped, suddenly breathless, to see the art better.</p>
<p>He wasn’t sure how to feel about the art of him getting electrocuted.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here.” Her voice was flat. He turned to actually be able to see her, arms crossed, glaring at him.</p>
<p>“I wanted to see you.”</p>
<p>“And Zuzu let you?”</p>
<p>Zuko spoke up then, drawing Azula’s gaze. “He’s... Different.”</p>
<p>“I don’t care.”</p>
<p>“Azula.” Her eyes snapped to him again. “I wanted to apologize.”</p>
<p>“Apologize.” She spat the word out, her arms uncrossing as she walked towards him. Her eyes were molten, anger lined in every motion she made. “Apologize. How do you think a simple apology is enough to fix our fucked up family?”</p>
<p>“Azula-”</p>
<p>“Shut the fuck up, Zuzu. This is between me and Father.” She was burning holes into him, and despite himself, he was scared. She had firebending, and he didn’t. He had no way to defend himself if she lashed out, this close to him.</p>
<p>“I don’t think it can. But I know I fucked up both of you.”</p>
<p>Azula laughed, throwing her head up. She wiped at the single tear that had escaped. “You developed a sense of humor in prison! I don’t believe you, Father.”</p>
<p>“Azula, please.”</p>
<p>She lit her hand on fire, holding it close to the right side of his face. It took his entire history of holding back his own reactions not to flinch, even as he felt himself begin to panic.</p>
<p>“Should I finish the job of whoever decided that you and Zuko needed to match?”</p>
<p>“Get that fire out of my fucking face.”</p>
<p>“You don’t scare me anymore.” They stood like that for a while, eyes locked, and Ozai had a sudden jolt that she had grown since he had last seen her. He didn’t look down quite nearly as much.</p>
<p>“I said get your fire out of my face, girl.”</p>
<p>“Fine.” She doused it, turning to walk away. “And get out of my room.”</p>
<p>Ozai didn’t waste much time doing just that, and blissfully, Zuko didn’t try talking on the way back to his rooms. Ozai simply went out into the courtyard and ran through katas once, twice, so many times he lost count underneath first the burning sun, then the twinkling stars and sliver of a moon, arms and legs shaking and burning by the time he collapsed in his bed. Throughout all of this, he thought of how Azula had reacted with hatred and scorn.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Chapter 11</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Zuko sat back from his desk, sighing. Across it were scattered papers, reports from his intelligence network all over the kingdom. His father’s supporters were starting to reach their boiling point. Whispers all over spoke of how he was unfit to rule, and that his father should take back his birthright. Conveniently forgetting that until Lu Ten had died, the throne had been Iroh’s birthright.</p>
<p>He leaned forward, squinting at the papers in the dim candlelight. Ukano had amassed quite a few of the nobles who had been more powerful under Ozai’s rule. Zuko had removed them from their positions after he had ascended to the throne because of their unwavering loyalty to his father, and he was strangely relieved to see that he had made the right call. Even if his father believed that the Fire Lord’s will was law, the rest of the country seemed to have different views.</p>
<p>However, unlike his father, he couldn’t just kill Ukano. Not now. It was a move that could very potentially make the likely civil war on his hands even worse. Zuko grimaced at the thought, unwilling to send his country right back into yet another pointless war. And speaking of Ozai, Zuko still didn’t have full certainty of which side his father would take. He had said before that the Fire Lord was always right, but Zuko knew that he still wanted the throne back. Or at least, he had, until recently. Which was the entire problem. Ozai was unpredictable, but he wouldn’t be able to get him out of the city this time. In fact, if the information was correct, he only had roughly a week before everything was set to explode.</p>
<p>How ironic, that it was happening only a couple months away from the anniversary of the end of the Hundred Year War. Celebrate the old one ending by starting one anew. Zuko groaned softly, dropping his head into his hands. He wasn’t even sure who he could turn to for help, or if he even could. Everyone had experience in ending wars, not preventing them in the first place. Those skills didn’t necessarily transfer over.</p>
<p>He watched the candles as they breathed with him, focusing on making them brighter as a distraction from his current dilemma. The flames steadily grew, but it wasn’t enough. He was too restless. So he got up, teasing part of the flames away from the candles and swirling it around him. He sucked a breath in, and slowly let it out, watching as it turned the flames from gold to dragon fire, blue and green, pink and white all erupting from the core of the fire. He took a second to be thankful that his office was actually quite large as he ran through basic katas, always keeping the flame swirling around him, until even the office was too restrictive.</p>
<p>He stepped out to the balcony, climbing down to the courtyard below, and began his practice anew. Basic katas morphed into advanced, and advanced melted into master as he kept the fire dancing, lighting up the world around him. And as he watched the flames, he hatched the smallest of ideas.</p>
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<p>Ozai was stretched out on his bed, thick curtains drawn closed and his door shut to prevent as much light as possible from penetrating his room. His head was throbbing and had been for a couple of days, his brother’s tea blend having barely made a dent. Minor nausea kept him from having too much of an appetite. Rice sat abandoned on his table, half-eaten, and while he knew he should go take care of it, every limb felt heavy and moving too much and too fast sent spears of pain through his head. So he laid steeped in pain and misery, barely noting his apartment door opening.</p>
<p>The door that did get his attention was his bedroom door, the light that flooded in making him flinch. He dragged his arm over his eyes, sending him back into blissful darkness.</p>
<p>“Uncle Ozai?” Kiyi’s voice trembled, and Ozai mustered the energy to respond.</p>
<p>“What do you want?”</p>
<p>“I just... wanted to hang out.” Despite himself, the sadness in her voice tugged at him. “Everyone else is busy.”</p>
<p>Her words hit him like nothing else, reminding him of a young, forgotten prince, who nobody ever had time for.</p>
<p>“I can’t promise that I’ll be the greatest company, but you can stick around.” Ozai slowly stood, bracing himself on the wall. “I have a pretty bad headache, so you need to be quiet, okay?”</p>
<p>Kiyi nodded, going out to his living room. Ozai slowly followed her, shielding his eyes as he tugged the curtains closed before settling next to her. He was then accosted by a small body curling into him, and he blinked down at her, confused.</p>
<p>“Is there something you want...?”</p>
<p>“The noble girls are mean to me because of Mom.” Kiyi’s voice was muffled, but he could just barely make out the words.</p>
<p>“Are they.”</p>
<p>“They say I don’t belong in the palace ‘cause I’m just a commoner.”</p>
<p>“Does Zuko say you belong in the palace?”</p>
<p>“Yeah, but they don’t care.” Kiyi sniffled, curling into him more. Ozai tried to muddle through what he should do, and eventually just settled for resting his hand on her back.</p>
<p>“What others think of you shouldn’t matter. Only your own opinion of yourself is important.”</p>
<p>“It still hurts!” Kiyi cried, before looking remorseful at Ozai’s wince of pain. “Sorry, I forgot.”</p>
<p>“Well, you can always try, um.” Ursa wouldn’t be too pleased if he suggested Kiyi intimidate the other children in the palace, he realized, but he was too incapacitaed to think like his brother. “Just remember that you’re better than them, I suppose.”</p>
<p>“But they’re right, I am just a stupid commoner.”</p>
<p>“You are not some stupid commoner. You are related to royalty.” The words came out harsher than he intended, and he winced. His voice was softer as he continued, dancing around the fact that he was most likely her father. “Zuko is your brother, and even if your mother and father were born common, you certainly were not.”</p>
<p>“Are you sure, Uncle Ozai?” Kiyi blinked up at him, her eyes damp from tears that he had somehow missed soaking into his clothes.</p>
<p>“I am positive.”</p>
<p>She nodded, and settled down more on him. Unthinkingly, he made sure she was securely in his arms, and he froze when he realized what he had just done.</p>
<p>He thought back, over Zuko and Azula’s childhood, and tried to come up with a single time he comforted them instead of Ursa. The closest he could come was placing a hand on a child’s shoulder in pride, and he supposed that didn’t quite count, now did it. And then it hit him that even Ursa hadn’t given the love Azula had needed. Azula had always been with him.</p>
<p>He didn’t notice he was crying until a small voice piped up. “Are you okay, Uncle Ozai?”</p>
<p>“I... I’m fine.” He roughly scrubbed away his tears, holding her close. “I’m fine.”</p>
<p>He was glad he couldn’t fuck Kiyi up, too.</p>
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<p>Zuko leaned against his desk, staring at Aang. Less than half a week until his intel reported that Ukano would attack and the man of the hour had disappeared when he had first gotten wind of it. “Can you and Katara do me a favor?”</p>
<p>Aang nodded. “Of course, Zuko.”</p>
<p>“I need you to go to the outer towns and quell the rebellions.”</p>
<p>Aang blinked. “But... Zuko, you said it yourself, you might need our help here when it happens.”</p>
<p>“And Ukano has been one step ahead. He vanished as soon as we started sniffing around him too much. Meanwhile, some of the nobles on his side have riled up their people and I have about five different rebellions on my hands not counting the big one.”</p>
<p>He was still cursing himself for giving Ukano so many chances. He should have seen the signs, should have cut this off long before. But he hadn’t thought it would have come to this. He was not about to be known as the Fire Lord who had ended one war only to start another.</p>
<p>“Are you sure you can handle things here?”</p>
<p>“We’ll have to. I’ll have Suki, the Kyoshi Warriors, and plenty of firebenders around. Hakoda shouldn’t be discounted in a fight either. My father does make things... complicated, however.”</p>
<p>“I can take him with me.”</p>
<p>“Aang.”</p>
<p>The monk deflated, sighing. “Yeah, yeah, I know I fucked up. I just thought I could still offer.”</p>
<p>“That would end in at least one death, guaranteed. Either that, or he would lose you. I don’t trust that sort of arrangement.”</p>
<p>Aang sighed, looking like he was twelve again for a moment. “I get it, I get it. So where am I headed first?”</p>
<p>Zuko gave him a list. “Those five places are where I need help the most. And Aang?”</p>
<p>“Yeah?”</p>
<p>“I appreciate this.”</p>
<p>“Always, Zuko.”</p>
<p>“See you when this mess blows over.”</p>
<p>“I better.”</p>
<p>Zuko smirked as Aang walked out, presumably to go hunt down Katara and Appa before flying out.</p>
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<p>“You feeling better today?”</p>
<p>“Mostly.” Ozai leaned back, giving Hakoda an easy smile. Kiyi’s visit had been a couple of days ago, and now Ozai could actually look at light without wanting to vomit.</p>
<p>“Great!” Hakoda unslung what was on his back, setting it on the table. “Then I’m teaching you how to fight with a Water Tribe club.”</p>
<p>“And why are you doing this?” Ozai leaned closer to them, inspecting them. The main portion of each weapon was white, and seemingly carved out of some sort of bone, while there was a solid, painted ball on one end. Hakoda picked up the club with the bright blue one, leaving the red one for him to pick up. Ozai was a little surprised at the weight, spinning it a few times. This would be able to do some serious damage.</p>
<p>“No reason in particular.” Hakoda’s voice was off. Too light.</p>
<p>“Something is going to happen.”</p>
<p>“...Don’t betray my trust.” That lightness was instantly dropped, for a tone that gave Ozai serious pause. “If you make one wrong move, I will kill you.”</p>
<p>Ozai looked up to meet Hakoda’s eyes. All he saw was steely determination, and Ozai knew that this man wasn’t blinded by love. They may care for each other, but the chief had never quite forgotten who Ozai was.</p>
<p>“I... Understand.”</p>
<p>“Good.” Hakoda walked out to Ozai’s private courtyard, leaving him to follow. “You’re sort of useless without your firebending. Not completely hopeless, but a better-trained melee fighter can take you out no problem. My goal is to fix that, at least a bit.”</p>
<p>Ozai nodded, watching as Hakoda sank into a fighting stance. Ozai settled into one of his own, and an instant later he was dodging a blow aimed for his head, the club swinging out of his view as it went around the right side of his head. Ozai lashed out, Hakoda easily jumping over it before hooking Ozai’s club and yanking it to the side.</p>
<p>“We have a lot of work to do.”</p>
<p>Hakoda grabbed Ozai’s club, handing it back to him. They spent much of the day practicing, working hard enough that Ozai had stripped down to just his pants by the time the first hour had passed. Hakoda wasn’t far behind, and Ozai took the opportunity to admire Hakoda’s toned chest and abs before they launched right back into practice. Sparring was broken up by Hakoda giving him better tips, how melee combat was different from firebending, and more importantly, his own special brand of firebending.</p>
<p>By sunset, they were collapsing on Ozai’s couch, Hakoda more relaxed and Ozai more confident in his ability to fend off whatever had Hakoda so spooked.</p>
<p>“Zuko lost Ukano.”</p>
<p>“Fuck.” Ozai looked over at Hakoda. “That bastard hasn’t been thrown in jail?”</p>
<p>“He gave your son the slip right when we found out his exact plan of attack.”</p>
<p>“Fuck.” Ozai spun the club in an aching hand. “No wonder you’re going to kill me if I’m stupid.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want to, you know. I really do love you. But if you betray me? I will.”</p>
<p>“I believe you.” Ozai ignored the flutter of his heart hearing Hakoda say that he loved him brought, focusing only on what might happen in the next few days.</p>
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<p>Kiyi was with him when an explosion rocked the palace. Ozai’s eyes snapped up to the door, and he grabbed the club Hakoda had left for him, pushing her behind him.</p>
<p>“Stay behind me.”</p>
<p>“I can take care of myself!”</p>
<p>“And I’m very proud of you. However, your mother will kill me if something happens to you while you’re here.” Ozai left out that most of the time, Ursa would assume Ozai had done it</p>
<p>He slid into a ready stance right before the door slammed open, revealing Hakoda in armor. “It’s happening. Stay hunkered down, Ukano has gotten to Zuko.”</p>
<p>“Hakoda, where did that explosion come from?”</p>
<p>Hakoda was silent.</p>
<p>“Hakoda.”</p>
<p>“The throne room. Zuko was fighting Ukano the last I saw.”</p>
<p>This was his chance. The one chance he had to do something.</p>
<p>“Protect Kiyi. Ursa can and will kill me if anything happens to her.”</p>
<p>And before Hakoda could argue, he was running off to the fight that would decide the rest of his life, Water Tribe club in hand. He skidded around corners and past guards fighting other nobles. It was a full-blown coup.</p>
<p>When he slammed into the throne room, Ukano had Zuko at his mercy, ready to off the Fire Lord with the sword pressed to his throat. The door opening drew his attention, and he grinned wildly, backlit by flames still crackling from the explosion.</p>
<p>“Fire Lord Ozai! I was just about to off this usurper.”</p>
<p>“He’s not an usurper, Ukano.”</p>
<p>“But he didn’t even win the Agni Kai! Clearly, you should still be Fire Lord.”</p>
<p>“Azula forfeited the moment she targeted the Water Tribe girl.” Ozai could still remember the disgust he had felt at Azula for targeting a noncombatant. He had raised her to have better Agni Kai etiquette.</p>
<p>“You still led the Fire Nation so much better than this whelp ever did.”</p>
<p>“I’d challenge you to an Agni Kai, but seeing as neither of us are benders, that doesn’t work.” Another explosion sounded, seeming to come from where he did. He hoped Hakoda and Kiyi were okay as he raised his club. “Instead, I’ll just challenge you to a duel. One on one, nobody else interfering.”</p>
<p>Ukano snarled, dropping Zuko. Ozai fixed his gaze on the Fire Lord, summoned up the old way he would inspire fear in his children and subjects alike, and commanded.</p>
<p>“Run. Find your mother and Ikem. Kiyi is with Hakoda.”</p>
<p>He didn’t see fear. He didn’t care. Zuko still ran, leaving Ozai to fight Ukano alone.</p>
<p>“You could have all your power back.”</p>
<p>“I don’t want it.” Ozai charged in even as he realized how true his words rang. He blocked Ukano’s first swing, the metal biting into the bone club. The other man was the first to pull away, before charging in again with a roar as Ozai side-stepped, keeping him on his left. They kept at it, Ozai managing to get in a few good hits, until Ukano’s blade sunk deep into his left shoulder, sticking in his collarbone. He gasped and pitched forward when it was yanked out, looking up and rolling just in time to avoid his head getting chopped off.</p>
<p>“He’s weak.” Ukano spat, circling Ozai as he staggered up and got ready to block.</p>
<p>“He’s also stubborn as fuck. Really, we all are.” Ozai went in for another blow, Ukano sidestepping and sinking his sword deep into Ozai’s left side. His eyes widened and his mouth parted as the blade was removed, and Ozai realized he might not make it.</p>
<p>“You’re dead if you won’t support the revolution.”</p>
<p>“No, you are.” Ozai swung with what little force he had left, satisfied when the club slammed into Ukano’s leg and buckled him with a cry. Ozai sank to his knees with a soft grunt, fixing him with a stare that would have quite literally burned in the past.</p>
<p>“Say hi to the guards for me.” He shoved both their weapons away from Ukano, before laying on the ground with a groan.</p>
<p>He had never gotten to tell Hakoda how much he loved him.</p>
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<p>Hakoda cracked his eyes open, his entire body aching. Bandages were wrapped around his arms and torso, and his head ached as he processed where he was. He was in the palace infirmary, and he slowly sat up with a hiss of pain to look around. It was empty except for the chair next to him, which housed one ex-Fire Lord, his left arm in a sling, and bandages wrapped around his shoulder and abdomen. Ozai was dozing, legs stretched out haphazardly like he had collapsed in the chair and refused to move an inch afterwards. But he was okay. Both of them were okay.</p>
<p>Hakoda sighed, settling back onto the pillows as he tried to remember what happened. He remembered Kiyi, and an explosion, but not much beyond that. Was the kid okay? He made up his mind to try and find out, but was stopped with a groan by a wave of dizziness.</p>
<p>Next to him, Ozai stirred with a soft groan to match his. Those golden eyes blinked open, slow, scrunching in pain as Ozai first cracked his neck and then sat up more. His eyes wandered over to Hakoda’s bed, widening in shock and joy when he saw him awake.</p>
<p>“Hakoda... You’re awake.” The words were a whisper, and Ozai gave him a rare, true smile.</p>
<p>“You look as shit as I feel.”</p>
<p>Ozai chuckled, wincing and holding his hand to a spot on his left side. “Yeah, Ukano got a few good shots on me. But Zuko hauled my ass to safety before dealing with the traitor.”</p>
<p>“What happened?”</p>
<p>“Your end or my end?”</p>
<p>“Both.”</p>
<p>Ozai shifted, grunting softly. “I took Ukano down as Zuko made sure Ursa and Ikem were safe. And you saved Kiyi from an explosion meant to free me.”</p>
<p>“Is she okay?”</p>
<p>“A couple of bruises, but otherwise, she’s fine. You shielded her from the worst of it with your body.”</p>
<p>“Good.”</p>
<p>“...Thank you. Even if you were incredibly stupid about it.”</p>
<p>Hakoda chuckled, still just grateful they were both alive and here. “Stupid is my middle name.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, well, you need to change it.” Ozai looked away, scowling softly. “You know, I... I love you.”</p>
<p>Hakoda blinked, before he grinned softly. “Of course I know, you wonderful, handsome man.”</p>
<p>“Good.” A beat. “Move over.”</p>
<p>Hakoda complied as best as he could, before Ozai painfully climbed into the bed with him. “I thought I had nearly lost you when I saw you.”</p>
<p>“Nah. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.”</p>
<p>“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Hakoda kissed Ozai, content to just exist now that he knew everyone that mattered was safe.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>That's it! I know the plot might not be the strongest, and there is technically still one more chapter left, but the last chapter is more of an epilogue to wrap up some loose ends. I'm also going to work on some oneshots, on and off, in this same 'verse, and when those are ready they'll be posted in a series with this fic. Thank you for giving this a chance, if you've made it this far, and a sincere thanks to every one of my regular commenters. I cannot tell you how happy seeing each of you in my inbox makes me.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Epilogue</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So he didn’t take the throne. Hmph.” Azula stared at her current painting, scowling. Zuko with rainbow fire. The Fire Lord himself watched her, sipping tea. Warm sun filtered into the room, filling the room with light.</p>
<p>“No, he didn’t. And I’m not sure why.” Zuko replied, thinking back to the near-coup a couple weeks ago. “Ukano was ready to kill me and he refused.”</p>
<p>“I still think you’re a dumbass for letting him get the jump on you.”</p>
<p>“I nearly got a concussion from how hard he hit my head, ease off.”</p>
<p>“And you’re actually going to let him go?” Azula pivoted topics at a dizzying speed for anyone unfamiliar with her. Thankfully, Zuko had grown up with her.</p>
<p>“I think... That him leaving will be the best for everyone involved.”</p>
<p>“Ah yes, because you care so much about Father’s happiness.” Sarcasm dripped from every word as she turned back around to face him.</p>
<p>“You’re right, I don’t. But Ba Sing Se... He was different, there.”</p>
<p>“Hmph.” Azula snatched a cup of tea, narrowing her eyes at him. “Iroh has made you all soft.”</p>
<p>Zuko just gave her a warm smile. “You have no idea how big of a compliment that is, Lala.”</p>
<p>“I told you, don’t call me that!” She threw her paintbrush at him, and he ducked, laughing, as paint splattered all over his robes.</p>
<p>“It’s too much fun to tease my younger sister.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes I wonder why I bothered getting better,” Azula muttered. She glanced at the painting, which had also been a mild casualty of her spinning brush. Blue specks covered Zuko and the flames, and Azula tipped her head. “Although I do suppose you help my art, occasionally.”</p>
<p>“Happy to provide.”</p>
<p>They were still figuring out where they slotted into each other's lives, for sure. But they had finally made their peace with each other.</p>
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</strong><p>When Iroh wrapped him in the hug, Ozai melted into his arms, even if Iroh was making his shoulder ache.</p>
<p>“I am so grateful that you are okay, brother.” Iroh pulled back, relief etched into his face. “Zuko had mentioned you and Hakoda had been hurt, but had not provided details. I could only hope you were alright.”</p>
<p>Ozai chuckled, settling back down in the warm sun. Somehow, it didn’t intensify the ache in his chest any more. “Hakoda and I are just fine. In fact, we’re planning on moving south. Permanently.”</p>
<p>Iroh sat next to him, minorly shocked. “Zuko will let that happen?”</p>
<p>Ozai grinned. “Hakoda said that if I couldn’t go, he was withdrawing support. Bluffing, of course, that man is far and away more like you. But Zuko had already been thinking of alternate solutions for me regardless.”</p>
<p>Iroh laughed, laying his hand gently on Ozai’s shoulders. “I think that life outside the palace will suit you just fine.”</p>
<p>“Visit us in the summer, will you?”</p>
<p>Iroh turned to Ozai, his expression indecipherable for a moment before it morphed into one of acceptance and contentment.</p>
<p>“Of course, Ozai.”</p>
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</strong><p>He was running through light exercises right after sunrise when Hakoda arrived, leaning against the door frame. They had both healed well, even more so under Katara, but she wasn’t magic. In fact, he was sure she would yell at him for doing this much, despite the fact that he knew he was fine.</p>
<p>“You’re up early.” Ozai looked over at his boyfriend, smirking to cover up the way his stomach still fluttered around Hakoda.</p>
<p>“The bed was cold.” Hakoda walked over to him, their breaths fogging the same space when he stopped.</p>
<p>“Don’t you live in perpetual freezing weather?”</p>
<p>“Doesn’t mean I like it.” Hakoda pulled him close, kissing him. One of Hakoda’s hands traveled up to his hair, and Ozai let out a sigh of contentment as they separated.</p>
<p>“I can’t believe I’ll be waking up to this every day from now on.”</p>
<p>“Neither can I.” Hakoda’s other hand slid down Oza’s arm, slipping into his. Hakoda intertwined their fingers, and Ozai grinned, leaning his forehead against Hakoda’s.</p>
<p>“Tell me what it’s like.”</p>
<p>“Cold and unforgiving. Stormy winters and summers of clear blue skies. Long nights and long days, fighting the sun for most of the year to either stay awake or go to sleep.” Hakoda smiled. “And the people are warm and inviting, calm and raging all at once, changing every day and yet remaining the same.”</p>
<p>“I can’t wait.”</p>
<p>“Soon, you won’t have to any more.” Hakoda kissed him again, holding Ozai close.</p>
<p>
  </p>
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>
    <strong></strong>
  </p>
  <p>******</p>
  <p>
    <strong></strong>
  </p>
</div><strong></strong><br/><p>Ozai watched as the capital of the Fire Nation finally slid away from view for what he could only assume was the last time. It was poetic, in a sense, three different times he went to another nation, for three different purposes. And if you asked him, this trip would be his favorite.</p>
<p>He had nothing tying him to the Fire Nation except a floating sense of home. His brother, his ex-wife, his throne, they all belonged elsewhere. And so did he, now. Because he realized that his sense of home had shifted from a place to a person. After all, what should keep him somewhere if he had the opportunity to actually get what he had craved his entire life?</p>
<p>He didn’t think it was going to be easy, oh no. Hakoda’s people still hated him, with good reason. There was no sweet innocence he could claim. He was still going to be watched every second of the day, once again by distrustful eyes that were just waiting for him to slip up. Waiting for him to hurt Hakoda.</p>
<p>Because that’s why the fact that he hadn’t wanted the throne was true. He’d have to give up love, once again, to achieve it. The price wasn’t one he was willing to pay again.</p>
<p>Ozai smiled as strong, warm arms wrapped around him, pulling him out of his thoughts.</p>
<p>“I hope you like it.”</p>
<p>“I think I’m going to love it.”</p>
<p>Hakoda pressed a kiss to his scarred cheek, a soft blush heating Ozai’s face. “Good.”</p>
<p>“Thank you. For everything.”</p>
<p>“Of course.” Hakoda shifted so Ozai could see him. “Love you.”</p>
<p>Ozai smiled. “Love you too.”</p>
<p>Hakoda wrapped him up again, and they went to settle into their new lives together.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Again, thank you all so much. This story never would have happened without quite a few of you.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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